The Overscheduled Family: Having the courage to slow down

Does your family calendar feel like a game of Tetris you can never win? Between practices, games, lessons, fees, weekend travel, and endless driving, kids’ extracurricular activities can quickly turn parenting into a second full-time job.

In this episode, I’m talking honestly about the pressure parents feel to keep their children constantly busy—and why I made the decision to stop signing my kids up for everything. This isn’t about being anti-sports, anti-activities, or anti-growth. It’s about protecting our family’s bandwidth, creating sustainable routines, and recognizing the mental load that builds when every hour of the week is scheduled.

I also share a personal story about competitive gymnastics and the enormous commitment that intensive youth sports can require. What happens when a child decides they’re finished after years of practices, competitions, expenses, sacrifices, and identity tied to a team? And how can parents support their children without becoming emotionally or financially trapped by the time they have already invested?

We also explore the deeper side of busy mom culture: why being constantly on the go can become a source of pride, why downtime can feel uncomfortable, and why silence

Transcript

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Welcome And The August Mood

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, everybody. This is Still Roses Podcast. This podcast was created for women by women to elevate women's voices. Happy August, everybody. And by that I mean, am I the only one devastated? Hear me out. For everybody that has been living in New Jersey for the past year and had to endure the winter that we endured. And winter really expanded all the way through almost June because I was trying to have pool parties in May and it just was not happening. To know that summer is starting to wrap up is a little devastating. I have my hopes that this fall will stay mildly warm because we have such brutal winters here now, but you gotta take what you can get, right? So for now, let's enjoy these last couple of weeks where we might have some really nice sunny days. Now, I

Choosing Fewer Kid Activities

SPEAKER_00 0:55

think that I've shared with all of you that last year I made the decision to stop putting my kids in loads of activities. So for a really long time, for the first few years that the kids were old enough for extracurricular activities, I was really, really quick to get them signed up for stuff. So my son did baseball one season. He was actually the least joiner out of the three. But my son did baseball one year. Then I had one year where one girl was, one of my daughters was in softball, and then she was also doing dance, and the other one was doing soccer, and then she was also doing gymnastics. And it became quickly apparent to me that as much as I get excited about them doing extracurricular activities that will potentially quote unquote make them more well-rounded, it also means that I have to commit to all of these extra things that I might not necessarily have the bandwidth for. So last year in the fall, just made the executive decision to just not enroll anyone in any activities. And I told the kids we're taking a break for a year to see what's gonna happen. One of the

When A Kid Quits Competitive Sports

SPEAKER_00 1:59

reasons why, beyond my sanity, one of the other things, a story that I had heard last, I think it was last year or the year before from one of my neighbors was that they um their daughter was in competitive gymnastics. Now, if you know anybody on a competition team, or if you yourself are involved in a competition team, you already know where I'm going with this. The time commitment to that is pretty astounding. You are basically on the road every weekend, depending on like what the requirements are. You're traveling, like literally physically having to book hotels and pay for hotels and traveling places. You're financially putting money up for the fees for the competition and for the travel and literally logistics, like paying for all of that. And then there's the time commitment during the week with practices and whatever, like if it's a sport, like games. It's it's a lot. It's like a full-time job for the parent to get involved in that. And so the story that my neighbor was telling us was that his daughter was in competitive gymnastics for I think like five or six years. She started when she was about five or six, she got to about 11 or 12. And so you're talking about years of commitment and money and time from the parents. And the daughter reached 11 or 12 years old, turned around and said, I really don't want to do this anymore. Long pause. Because think about, and obviously, if your child tells you, I don't want to do this anymore, you're not gonna force them, right? You want them to be happy with what they're doing. You want them to feel supported, and you want them actually to have autonomy, right? Like if they're telling you they don't want to do it, you're not gonna tell them, no, your feelings don't matter here, or you're gonna listen. So the dad said he, you know, they tried to take it to the best that they could, take it as good as they could. And they ultimately pulled her out of competitive gymnastics. And he actually said the most jarring change for him was and and his ex-wife was the disruption in their social circle and their activities. Because when you have young kids, and and for everyone listening that has kids, you're gonna know exactly what I'm talking about here. For a long time, your social circle is your kid's social circle. So you're friends with the parents of your kids' friends. And that's kind of where you are meeting people, and that's where you become friends with people. That's where a lot of my mom friends are from my my kids' friends. And so there's there's that element of it. And he said, you know, these were our this was our community for six years, and now we're not going anymore. And it was like almost like a shock for the parents to have that rug pulled out from under them. And, you know, he had said that. And so, like the following year, when I was crazy with activities, was when I made the decision to cut back. Wasn't we never did competition teams, so it doesn't exactly, it's not a line to sight exactly, but it does sort of tell you, you know, before making the commitment to all of this and before really leading all the way in, like, is this really the value? Like, is this what you want your kid to be doing? Because it's just as much your decision as it is theirs about what they're gonna be doing for extracurricular activities.

The Pride Trap Of Being Busy

SPEAKER_00 5:05

Now, the other element to this is moms who or parents who almost thrive on the drama of being busy every waking moment. Now, it's very interesting because I've come from a place where I did like to present that previously. I want to say obviously when I was younger. It was, and when the kids were younger, I was just insane all the time. So that's just neither here nor there. But there is a certain element of when you're a mom and you talk about how busy you are and how many activities you're doing and how many things you volunteer for, and how many, you know, I'm on the PTA and I do this and I do that, and I go, you know, when there's almost an element of pride in saying, I'm so busy all the time. I had a mom say to me, essentially the way she was talking, she's like, I have this on Monday and this on Tuesday, and on Wednesday we do this, and on Thursday they do this, and Fridays we switch to this because we don't do this, and then and she just kept going through the week. And in my head, I was like, this is kind of a nightmare, like to be committed all the time. And then what are we what message are we sending our kids? Now I'm talking out loud about this to myself, right? Because in reality, yes, there is. And maybe I'm, you know, unpopular opinioning this right now, but I think that there is an element of pride when you feel like you can say, Oh, I'm so busy, I'm so crazy busy all the time, I'm losing my mind, I'm always in the car because I'm always taking them to activities. And it almost makes you feel validated, like you're doing something big. Now, my question here to you, not that you aren't doing something big, because that, like I said, that is a full-time job, but why the need for the busyness? And I want you to like sit with that and think, think about that. If you're a mom who is constantly on the go, and if you're listening to this in the car, I greatly appreciate you. But if you're a mom constantly on the go and you never have a moment to just be, why the need to do that? Maybe it's your kids truly love these sports activities, which is fair, but it is your decision how deep they go into it, right? We're the ones who press them. They get everything from us. They don't know any better. We're the ones who put them in the activities, right? So why the need to be busy all the time? And I know I keep repeating that, but I really want you guys to reflect on this one. An

Why Downtime Can Feel Scary

SPEAKER_00 7:17

answer that had come to me when I was obscenely busy all the time, and I lacked a very serious sense of silence. The need is sometimes comes up because it is scary to be in the silence for some of us. It's scary to have downtime sometimes. It feels uncomfortable to have downtime. Why does it feel uncomfortable to have downtime? I want you to really think about this with me. Why is it uncomfortable to just sit? Now, I have to say, in my house, it actually makes my family uncomfortable when I'm just sitting. Like they don't know what to do when mom is just sitting. And quite often they'll come in and be like, oh, well, aren't you gonna do this or aren't you gonna do that? I'm like, no, right now. And I'll look at my watch or I'll look at the clock and be like, mommy has 45 minutes of a break, quote unquote break. This is what I call it. I very legitimately treat it like work shifts. Say, mommy's on break right now. And if you want to go get a snack, go get a snack, but dinner is not until later, and I'm not gonna do anything until then. Or I'm gonna fold this laundry and watch a movie, but that's it. Like, that's my, you know, like, and the reason that I've shifted into this. Now you all know I'm not lazy by any means. I'm actually pretty active and I do have a very demanding career and love my kids and I do as much activities with them as possible. But there is something to be said about teaching your kids that it's okay not to do all these things. It's okay to live simply because in that silence, you might actually find some answers to things that you've been looking for. For example, what really is gonna feed your soul? And I'm not talking religiously, I'm not gonna bring any particular religion into this. And if you don't feel like, you know, you believe in any religion at all, that's okay too. But you yourself have a being. You are a being. So how are you feeding yourself? How are you showing up for yourself? Forget everything else for a moment. You've heard the phrase, you need to fill your cup first before you can fill the cups of others. So if you're constantly feeling this drive for busyness, maybe that drive for busyness is actually fear of the silence. Because what might come up in the fear of the silence, perhaps you're deeply unhappy with how things are right now in your current life, but you don't know how to address it. And so it's easier to say I'm busy all the time instead of actually addressing it. It's scary to think of it like that, but that is the reality of it for a lot of us. And it's the reality of it for me. I struggle every day with just being. It's a struggle. Yesterday, the kids were inside the house playing squishy trading, which is a nightmare in itself. If you already know it, if you know what I'm talking about, you know I don't have to explain it. It's a nightmare in itself because I have three kids who squishy trade and it's like a constant battle of like, well, I don't like this, I don't like that. It's like a thing. So I'm outside with my husband in the backyard. I very

A Backyard Test Of Stillness

SPEAKER_00 9:56

rarely get to go and just sit in the backyard and relax because typically I'm working or I'm cooking. There's always, like I said, we're busy, right? I'm typically almost always doing something. And then even in my downtime, like I just said before, fold laundry and watch a movie. Even in your downtime, you feel the drive to do something. So in this moment yesterday, I was sitting there in the backyard on one of our loungers. My husband's on the other lounger. The kids are inside. They didn't even know they weren't paying attention. They didn't realize we're even outside, thank God. And and I say that with the most love in my heart, but thank God. And so they were inside. And my husband just had music playing and it was just really beautiful out. And so I was like, do I need to do anything? Am I supposed to be doing anything right now? Like, what should I be doing? And then I was like, Well, I don't think I have to do any chores right now. Okay, I'll I'll stay out here and I'll relax out here. But ultimately it was like, well, let me grab a book or let me do this, let me get my journal. Maybe I should be doing something. No, no, no, no, no. Just be. And so for about 20 minutes or 30 minutes or so, yeah, I think it was about 30 minutes, which was, by the way, grueling for me because it's hard, right? It's hard to just be, to just be in the moment. And so I laid back on the lounger, and my husband's on the on the couch in the back, and we the outside couch furniture, not inside, outside. So he's on the lounge furniture in the backyard, and I'm on one side and he's on the other. And I see he closes his eyes, and I was like, you know what? Like, I'm just gonna relax. I'm just going to breathe deep and maybe say any affirmations that come to my mind, and I'm just gonna be. And it was the most lovely 30 or so minutes of the day. And then we were both like, we're hot, like let's go in the pool for a little bit. Kids are still inside occupied. And it really turned into a really, really lovely day. Now the kids eventually did come outside because once they sensed that, you know, we're having fun in the pool, they immediately are like, not without us, you're not. So there was that, which is fine. Like we love them deeply, but it was just a nice moment to really just be, you know, and to be with my husband and to just hang out with him and chit-chat with him and be people. So

Simple Living And A Challenge

SPEAKER_00 11:58

I want you to think about that. You obviously can't pull the rug out from under your kids. If you're already enrolled in a lot of activities, it is what it is. And this is definitely no shade for any of the moms that do that because good grief. I know I can't do it. Because actually, I not that I can't do it. I know I don't want that. I just don't. And I and I commend anyone that does it and does it for their kids. I really see it. I get it. I have to be able to make a choice here. And and in this instance, I am choosing being settled and silent. I want you to think about it. Contemplate that concept. Is it scary to be by myself? Or seek out times in your day where you can have a moment to just be, see how it changes things for you, and then come back here and let me know. I gracio greatly appreciate all of you here with me today. Again, happy August to everybody that's listening. And take care, and I will catch you on the next one.