Navigating Transitions, Feminism Stigma, and the Complexity of Relationships

This week, I open up about my personal struggle with these challenges, emphasizing the need to give ourselves grace when things go awry. As summer camp wraps up and the school year begins, it's a time of transitions for many, and we'll reflect on this bittersweet period. Additionally, we dive into a critical discussion on the societal implications of declining birth rates, women's rising presence in education and leadership, and the troubling increase in anti-birth control and anti-feminist rhetoric.

We'll explore the true essence of feminism and debunk the myth that it’s anti-man. It's about equality, fair treatment, and opportunities for women across various fields. We also address the stigma surrounding menstrual cycles and the hypocrisy of restricting women’s choices without providing adequate support systems for mothers and children. Lastly, we'll discuss the complexities of offering support in relationships, knowing when to let go, and prioritizing connections that truly matter. This episode is a heartfelt call to remain informed, open-minded, and compassionate.

Chapters

• 0:01 Women's Voices and Leadership Rising
• 6:09 Pro-Equality Advocacy and Challenges
• 18:03 Navigating Relationships and Letting Go

Transcript

Jenny Benitez: 0:01

Hello everybody, welcome to Silver's podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. Happy Tuesday everybody. So last week I posted this episode and I listened to it right before I posted it, but I didn't have time to like really sort through perfecting it and I didn't want to miss a full week. But if you listened to last week's episode you heard the opening was literally me just saying bit of a pivot.

Jenny Benitez: 0:35

It was bananas last week for me just because of my colleague was out of the office and I was covering for her. And then just the regular craziness. But it's interesting how just a small shift out of my routine can cause like a whole ripple across everything else that's in my life. So I know I sound like a pain in the butt to folks that are in my life when I say like I don't like to deviate from my routine, but I really don't like to deviate from my routine unless I'm, like, really prepared to handle the repercussions. So thank you for all hanging in with me again and I'd like to show the example here that things get crazy for all of us across the board and we just you have to roll with it. Give yourself some grace and accept that it's not always going to be exactly how you want it to be, but it will get as close as it possibly can. Like you're going to get it as close as possible to get it to what you want things to be. But we have um accept when sometimes it doesn't work out the way that we wanted to, kind of just digging in and like being miserable about like how things didn't work out the way you wanted to. That's going to get you nowhere. So the best thing you can do is just move on from whatever the situation is and move forward.

Jenny Benitez: 2:02

Brand new week for me. Brand new week. This week also marks the end of my children's summer camp, which it's very bittersweet for me, because, as much as it frightens me that now there will be no breaks yeah, that's frightening as much as that frightens me, um, it also makes me a little bit sad because the summer is almost over for them. Um, and as much as it's crazy and wild having everybody here in the house, like today. I was losing my marbles at the end of the day because I didn't get anything done that needed to get done. I had and I have to, you know, double time it over the weekend and what have you. Um, it makes me sad when I, you know, can't get to things I need to get to. But, on that same note, it's um, it, it's their, their summer, and I only have a couple of weeks left before they're all back in school and then that's it, and now it's school year again. So I'm trying to kind of soak up. I actually might throw in some more PTO days, I don't know, I have to think about it anyway.

Jenny Benitez: 3:10

Um, so a couple of thought starters that I wanted to share with you guys. So this is, um, a topic that it's a topic that is touchy, and I do normally. I normally wouldn't talk about these things, but it's just something that I saw that it's kind of noteworthy if you think about it. So what I like to do a lot when I have my, I have an opinion about something is, well, I like to take kind of a step back and look at the larger lay of the land that is affecting like different issues and things in our society and whatnot. So this popped up and I was like this is kind of legit, like, if you think about it. So the post that I saw was on Pinterest and it says.

Jenny Benitez: 3:57

It's not a coincidence that, with birth rates dropping and women closing the wage gap and outnumbering men in higher education, that there's a push for anti-birth control, anti-abortion, anti-feminist and a return to submission messaging. Now think about that for a minute. Whether you're pro-life or not, whether you're pro-birth control or not, take a step-choice. They dig in deep and they just put their heels on the ground and say no, this is the only way, and I understand that there's a lot of folks out there like that. I'm not one of these people and I think, through a lot of the issues and I like to weigh both sides and I like to know all the facts. And you know what? Guess what? Like being an adult means that you can change your opinion If you get, if you get, a lot of facts and you start to see like, oh, you know what? Actually, I'm thinking this might start to make sense to me. Guess what, you're allowed to change your position, Ta-da, like, you don't have to be married to this opinion for the rest of your life. So and that's gross, right, there is what we're talking about. So this thought, though, about it's interesting that women are starting to take on more leadership roles. Women are being more educated. Women are business leaders. There are more women CEOs. There's more women podcasters. High five to all of us. Um, we are starting to raise our hands and our voices and we are starting to try to take ownership of things and to lead the charge really. And it is interesting that child care, you know birth control and abortion, and you know anti-feminism, abortion and you know anti-feminism, um submission messaging. It is interesting that that is starting to have an uptick.

Jenny Benitez: 6:09

Um, anti-feminism, specifically, it really frustrates me because feminism, what it truly is, is really just equality for women. What are we, what are we asking for here? I'm not saying equality in the sense that I can do every single thing a man can do. I actually don't believe that. I don't think I can do everything my husband can do. There's things that he can do that I absolutely cannot do physically. Like you know, lose 10 pounds. No, I'm sorry that was a joke, but there are things that, like, physically, our biology is different, like I'm not talking about. Like, oh, you know it's. You know, I'm not talking about the argument here that like, oh, men and women need to be equal across the whole board, like that's impossible, we can't do that. Like, let's not be ridiculous, but let's really look at the messaging out here.

Jenny Benitez: 6:55

What is feminism becoming? Feminism is actually being twisted around to anti-man. Well, feminism is not anti-man. That's not accurate. Feminism is not anti-man. Feminism is just pro-equality and pro-being paid what I deserve to be paid in the workplace. I'm pro-being considered for a position because I'm qualified or more than qualified. I'm pro that I should be able to run for any office that I want in politics. I'm pro that my daughters will be able to be deans at schools or whatever they want, because they have the smarts for it or because they're qualified for it. That's what I'm pro for. I am not pro Like I'm not anti-men, I'm just pro let's be treated the way we deserve to be treated.

Jenny Benitez: 7:49

Let's stop the crap. Let's stop the stigma, like let's stop it all. I mean, for God's sakes. There's still men out there Like if we're going to go to stigma really quickly. There's still people women too, men and women out there that think that when a woman has her monthly cycle, it's cleaning quote, unquote her body and thus your monthly cycle is dirty. No, it's not. No, it's not.

Jenny Benitez: 8:18

Can we talk about more of a ridiculous messaging than that it's dirty? This is what gives us life. This is the one. This is something that gives life. This is a massive amount of power we have and you're going to pretend like it's clean, cleansing our body quote unquote. We're dirty. I don't frigging think so. So just look at the grub. The grander messaging is is what I'm saying to you guys.

Jenny Benitez: 8:42

Like, yes, there's a lot out there. There's so much flipping noise on social media, like my husband has texted me and he looks at his phone and I literally want to rip my ears off. Like there is so much damn noise out there. You have to sift through all the crap and you need to form your own opinions here, people, because what's being put out there on Instagram and Tik TOK, a lot of it is not accurate. It's just people putting their opinions out there, which is fine, it's perfectly fine, but don't take it as fact. You need to look into this stuff. You can't just like, take things at face value. So that's number one.

Jenny Benitez: 9:16

Now, the second thing that I saw right after this first quote. So the first one was it's not a coincidence that, with birth rates dropping, women closing the wage gap, outnumbering men in higher education, that there's this push for anti-birth control, anti-abortion, anti-feminism right. A follow-up that I saw was now really think about this, because the mantra really and I know this because I grew up with this is you know, as soon as when is a, you know conception, when do we consider this a life? And the concern is this is a baby, this is a child that you're murdering. You're a murderer if you get an abortion. I'm not speaking either way on that because, to be perfectly honest with you, like I, I don't feel that way. Um, but and I think everyone should have a right to make that choice for themselves I don't think, in any way, shape or form, anyone should be told what they should or should not do. But if the concern was really about the baby and let's boil this down, because, yes, there's women that abuse abortions and, I'm sure, and there's women that you know get them done time and time again Like that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the women who, you know, everyone makes mistakes like shit happens, there's incest, there's rape, like there's so many other ways that pregnancies occur and now no one's going to be able to get them. Like how God awful that women are put in this position now where they have to carry this child or they're forced to do something that's unsafe for them.

Jenny Benitez: 10:58

The quote is if it was really about babies would have excellent and free universal maternal care. You wouldn't be charged a cent to give birth, no matter how complicated your delivery was. If it was about babies would have months and months of parental leave for everyone. If it was about babies would have free lactation consultants, free diapers, free formula. If it was about babies would have free, free lactation consultants, free diapers, free formula. If it was about babies would have free and excellent child care from newborns on. If it was about babies would have universal preschool and pre-K and guaranteed after school placements.

Jenny Benitez: 11:31

So on one hand, we're saying you are not allowed to get an abortion. You cannot make that choice or make that decision for you. But on the other hand, we're also saying but you are on your own with this child. This is on you. It was your choice. You chose to wear that outfit. You chose to incite that man. You chose to whatever it was. We're blaming you, putting that onus on you, but now the onus is also on you to raise this child, fund this child like, sacrifice your body. You know this is on you, so and we're not gonna, by the way, we're not gonna help you with. We're not gonna help you with child care. We're not gonna help you with health care costs. Um, you know formula when my kids were babies 150 a week. I was spending on Like if my parents hadn't been around, we wouldn't have made it Like.

Jenny Benitez: 12:26

I'm pausing because the absurdity, the absurdity of all of this is insane to me. It's insane and I have a hard time wrapping my head around it, because how could you make this call and say nope, sorry, you're out of luck, you all have to carry on now. And then, on the other hand, still no childcare. When my son before my son was born, I immediately, as soon as I got pregnant, I was like how am I supposed to afford childcare? What am I supposed to do? What if I don't have the money for it? I was very fortunate that my mother-in-law watched my son and my daughters for the first year that they were alive, but then, after that, that was it. We had to pay for it and we were in debt for years because we were trying to figure out how to afford child care and how to maintain a life, basically without becoming destitute. It's just, it's absolute insanity.

Jenny Benitez: 13:26

The other part that's really insane is that in other countries this isn't an issue. This is specific to the United States. I mean, my God, the land of the free, my ass. Like I'm sorry I'm getting a little bit like hyped up about this, but it's just for God's sakes, like, give us something. Oh wait, I'm just kidding. This is a patriarchy. We can't give you anything Again. I know I'm going off on a little bit of a tangent here, but it's just it.

Jenny Benitez: 13:52

Just it resonates so deeply with me and I'm sure that anyone listening is also like, regardless of whether you're pro-life, pro-choice, like I'm honestly like really think about all these components like molding together, like we don't have to be fighting each other, whether, oh, you're pro-choice or you're pro-life, or I know I condemn you. No, guess what? We're all women and this is all of our problems and we're turning a blind eye Like people. This is our time, this is it 2024 forward. Like guys, we can make a change here. We can use our voices. We can make this world into something that it should have always been. We should not be letting our power be taken away anymore and I'm here, and it will continue to be here, to elevate every single guest voice that comes on here. I will be here to share stories and share thought starters with you. I'm going to be here to do all of this because we don't have a choice. We have to do this. We have to do it for ourselves, we have to do it for our children.

Jenny Benitez: 15:30

I got a little excited. I apologize, but I it, just I. I cannot begin to express the frustration level that this brings out for me, because it's so damn pigheaded that I just can't. I just can't get my head around it and I it's, it's, it's ridiculous. Message me. I'm sorry, like I.

Jenny Benitez: 15:47

You know, if you guys have thoughts, I would love to hear them. I we do have access in the podcast episodes where you can message directly to me. You know I honestly appreciate all opinions and I welcome them. I sincerely do. I sincerely welcome them. If you have facts that you want to share with me, send them my way. I'm always open to listen and I am not in any way closed-minded. I get a little passionate about stuff, but I will hear other people's opinion. I was raised pro-life and under Catholicism and the whole thing. I can hear both sides in my head and it's always like a battle in there. One other thought, starter, that I wanted to share with you guys.

Jenny Benitez: 16:37

A lot of folks have trouble letting people go in their lives, and I saw this thing come up, so I want to just like set the tone for it. There is going to be, you know, situations in your life where people come in and out and it'll be shocking to you sometimes that people are exiting your life because you would think to yourself like, oh, I've known this person for 20 years, like, and we had this big falling out. I'll use my husband and I as an example as well when we met um I'm going to laugh here for a second I'm not his type, or wasn't anyway. Now I am because you know I had to work on it but not his type. He likes short, petite Latin ladies and I am a tall, definitely not petite, I would say grande um Caucasian woman. Totally, totally, totally not his type Um, and totally, totally not his type at all, um. But when we got together it was um. When we got together, I knew I, I knew that um, he was for me. I just knew it first date. I knew it Um, and then I started to see some things with him that I was worried about for him, for his sanity basically, and I started helping him through them.

Jenny Benitez: 18:03

Now I don't mean codependent helping, because I have learned quite a bit about not doing that, um, I don't mean codependent helping, because I have learned quite a bit about not doing that. I mean more like actual, tangible help. He was going through a parental situation with one of his exes and it was just a mess and he did not have the means to get it straightened out formally by a court of law and that's really what he needed. And so I ponied up and I said but let me help you out here. And he told me he's like I don't have money for this. And I was like, well, let me just help you out, let's just see, let's just see where this goes. And, um, so we were able to get an agreement in place and it brought him some peace.

Jenny Benitez: 18:45

And during that time because it took about a year during that time when the negotiations were happening, I was there with him every step of the way, helped him out, because he just didn't have it. He didn't have that fight left and the whole time in my head because it wasn't an easy. You know, in the beginning it was hard. Our relationship was tough and there was a lot that went into it. That was difficult. It was tumultuous in the beginning and there was a lot of good things, but there was also bad things.

Jenny Benitez: 19:16

And so for me at the time, I had always said to myself you know, even if we don't make it, even if this doesn't end up where we end up together, if I could just help him in this situation, that's going to make me feel like the relationship was a success, because he needs this and I'll even feel I'll feel okay. Then I'll feel like, okay, at least he's not suffering. Flash forward. Obviously we worked out, but in my head at the time I used to tell that to myself, like if it doesn't work, it's okay. Maybe we were only meant to come together for a short period of time. Now here's where this quote comes in, and it says hard to swallow pills, but it's accurate. Sometimes you and someone else were only meant to share a moment of time with each other.

Jenny Benitez: 20:05

Sometimes friendships and relationships are not built to last forever. They're built to teach you a lesson. Maybe you both needed to learn something from each other that no one else in the world could teach you at that time. Maybe you both were perfect for getting each other through a terrible storm together In life. You will fall out. In life. You will fall out with people that you never thought you would, get betrayed by people you trusted with all of your heart and get used by people you would do anything for. But life also has a beautiful side to it. You will get loved by someone you never thought you would have, form new friendships with people that will establish more meaningful and stronger relationships and become and overcome things you never thought you would get over. We all have chapters that end with people at some point in life. But take pride in knowing that the very best part of your book is still unwritten Now.

Jenny Benitez: 21:01

It's not just romantic relationships, it's friendships. It's family members relationships. It's friendships, it's family members. There there might not, you know there there may be people that just fall out of your life. And you know, I have family members that I was once very close with and as we got older and went separate ways, we're not close, we don't speak, we barely speak when we're in person together. But it's okay and I made peace with it. You can't force people into your life. And once you start to do that, then the relationship is not. It's not there and it's not good for you. It's not going to be something that is in alignment with you.

Jenny Benitez: 21:51

So if you are in a situation where you are sensing that the relationship is coming to a close or you're sensing that the friendship is ending and things are kind of going off to different tracks, it is okay to gracefully let go. It doesn't have to be dramatic, it doesn't have to be a fight. It really is just gracefully letting the other person go, because at the end of the day, like holding on to something that is not meant to be around is not going to benefit you and it's not going to benefit the other person. So being mindful of that and not feeling like you have to scramble to keep someone around is really important. It's important to recognize the people that are meant to really be there for you and the people that you can just let go.

Jenny Benitez: 22:42

Now you'll also you know I get a lot of flack from people. I should try harder with relationships or I should. You know I should try harder with relationships or I should. I should be, you know, reaching out more and this, that and the next thing, and I disagree. People prioritize who they want to prioritize.

Jenny Benitez: 23:04

And again, like if you're dating, if you're in the dating world and you go out with somebody, if you go out on a first date with someone and you're you're want to hang out with them again, like I honestly was at a point where I was like I'll shoot you a text, like I don't care. That's how I was at the end, cause before I met my husband, I was like I'm not going to, I don't want to do this. Like, if I like you, I like you. Do you want to hang out? No, okay, moving on. Like you know, it really truly is that simple. The person that you're going to end up locating and you guys will kind of come together, like that's naturally going to take its course. There isn't? You don't have to go too crazy with it. I met my husband very randomly at a nightclub, which I never would have thought. So just let things fall into place as they're meant to fall into place. Don't get hung up on all the shoulds, don't get hung up on what people are telling you around you. If you feel good in your gut about the people that are in your life right now and the way you're living your life, then that's the most important thing. So I know we did a couple thought starters here today, but I just want to kind of get back in the swing of things, since last week was a bit of a bit of a mess.

Jenny Benitez: 24:13

Thank you all so much for listening. I'm serious. Message me. There's a capability in the description. You should be able to shoot me a message. Leave me a review whenever you have a chance. Greatly appreciate it. And check out the website New resources page, new content for the podcasting on box. Like lots of new updates happening there too, so stay tuned for more. Thank you all for hanging in there with me and have a great rest of your day, take care.