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Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
Join Jenny weekly as she discusses topics that effect women in a relatable, honest way.
Steel Roses Podcast
Dolores Reynals on Embracing Self-Discovery, Exploring Identity and Overcoming Inner Criticism
Imagine discovering your true calling against all societal expectations. Meet our guest, Dolores Reynals, an inspiring actor and author from Mendoza, Argentina, sharing her incredible journey from journalism to acting. Influenced by her mother's love for travel, Dolores takes us through her transformation into a radio actress in London and what it truly means to embrace an international lifestyle. Learn from her as she emphasizes the importance of honoring personal desires, no matter how unconventional they may seem.
Rediscovering oneself is a profound journey that many overlook. Dolores takes us back to her childhood and teenage years, revealing how reconnecting with our past can uncover our true desires and values. From battling imposter syndrome to fostering individuality, we explore the significance of self-compassion and resilience in achieving personal fulfillment. Dolores’s inspiring path and personal anecdotes offer invaluable lessons on staying true to oneself amidst societal noise, ultimately paving the way for a life of authenticity and purpose. Tune in for an episode rich with insights and empowering stories that promise to inspire.
The Smallest Wave by Dolores Reynals
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Hello everyone, welcome to Steel Roses podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. We have a really wonderful guest on with us today. I'm super excited to introduce you to Dolores Reynolds. She is an actor and an author from Mendoza, argentina. She became a radio actress before pursuing a formal acting study in London and since then she has embraced an international lifestyle which I think is so exciting and amazing. She's currently based not US side and she actually recently released her memoir, the Smallest Wave, which is a woman's journey to live true to the person she is, even if it meant releasing everything else, and that line there is almost the embodiment of everything I talk about. So, dolores, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. Thank you, I'm very happy to be here. So, dolores, why don't you share your story with the listeners? Let them get to know you a little bit? So I was born and grew up in Mendoza, argentina, which is a province in the West at the feet of the Andes Well, the city's at the feet of the Andes limiting with Chile and I'm the eldest of four siblings. Two years after I was born, the triplets were born.
Speaker 2:I always talk about this because it's a big part of who I am. So we were four kids and since I can remember, I wanted to travel and live in different places, not just travel. My mother had a travel agency, so maybe that was a big part of it, and she had lived abroad a big part of it. And and she had lived abroad and I studied. First I studied journalism and translation to try to have a reasonable degree as if journalism was reasonable and and then I just I wanted to be an actor, and so I started studying acting since then, and I became a radio actress while I was in university, and then I ended up studying in London, which began. That's where I began to really live abroad, and once I left, I just I have this I think I'm a nomad, I was always a nomad and finally, when I was old enough, I could do it as I wanted. I followed that fully.
Speaker 1:I think that's really amazing and I think a lot of the listeners who are hearing this may be a little like taken aback, because I've always I've only lived in my state in the United States. I've lived in different cities but it's all pretty much the same when you're in the same state and you're not leaving the country. But that was always something before I met my husband, before I had kids. That was something someone had said that to me once. They were like I was in my early 20s and they told me you know, you really should try to live someplace else. They were like you should really like leave your state, go someplace else, leave the country. And at that time I was working in logistics planning, so it would have been kind of easy for me to, you know, make that switch. But right after that I met my husband and then it was kind of just like okay, we're here now.
Speaker 2:But did you want to, or was it someone?
Speaker 1:something someone said someone had said it and I had always had an inkling for something more. There was always that that desire in me for something more, but it wasn't necessarily travel. So that's where I like I. I had always wanted to go and visit places, but living for me because my family was all based in New Jersey at the time, and then my husband, like when I met him, like his kids and everybody was based in New Jersey, so you know, became more of a we're going to stick close to home. But for me it was more my mind wanted to do bigger and better things versus, like my body actually leaving the state.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that there's like we all have different personalities and and it's just we want different things and and also in different stages of our lives, like there's been times where I've wanted to stay in one place for a long time and I've, and I've done that, and then it's been more difficult to move once I get that itching to move. But I think that we're all different and some of us have a curiosity to go places and we need to experience things in our body you know to move and go and others want to experience different things and it doesn't mean moving around, but I think it's about doing what you are called to do and yeah, and also sometimes I agree yeah, sometimes it's different, difficult to recognize those things.
Speaker 2:But yes, we have to honor those things, the impulses. So dolores.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, and you know what, it's not even really an impulse, it's more of like a, like a feeling, like that's why I had phrased it that way, like I had this inkling that there was something else, and I think that's where, like a, lot of us will ignore it. Yeah, it's this feeling that you get.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's why we ignore them, because they're very subtle, they're not that, sometimes they're not that strong and there's a lot of very strong things around us telling us where, what we should do.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, exactly, there was um when I was growing up, the um what we were all told.
Speaker 1:My sibling, my brothers and I were all told like you have to go to college and then you get like a nine-to-five job, like that's, that was it, that was the only, that was the only option really, and I didn't even consider other means of like being a professional or other means of like fulfilling this creative need I had, because to me I was like, well, I just have to go to college and then that's it, and you get a job, and then you get married and then you have kids and that's your trajectory Now, and I'm totally happy with how I went and this was what I wanted. But now I'm teaching my kids differently and I'm telling them like you don't have to do this and you know you can do something else, you don't have to go to college. Like you can do whatever you want, like the world is open to you, especially now with all of these streams of media and social like, social engagement, and everyone can work virtually like pretty much, you know it's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was a huge game changer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was a huge game changer. I mean, on a very small scale, even when my husband and I were looking to buy a house, I was like we can go anywhere. I work from home, we had flexibility. Dolores, I want to hear about your book and I wanted to know a little bit more about how, because you were doing I know you were doing voice acting and that was like a primary area focus for you?
Speaker 2:What inspired you to write your book? I was during the like. It was 2018 when I wrote the first like the seed of the book I call it. It was one of the stories that is now chapter five or six, I don't remember, because I don't. I didn't number the chapters, I named them only, but I was in a situation where I had never seen this as strongly before that.
Speaker 2:As a woman, I was expected to want so many things, not just to do, but to want. I was expected to want to be married, to want to change my name and, with that, many other things, and it made me furious. I was furious. I started writing because I was furious and I didn't understand what was going on with me and I was very guilty and I was angry with myself because I was feeling angry at being expected to do all this and I, you know, because I was in in love with someone. I was supposed to want to change my name like ASAP and I thought this is ridiculous. What does that have to do with it? Like I, at that point, I was very much into let's work on this relationship, which was another area, um, and let's work on what is commitment, you know. But no, but no, that wasn't very welcome. I was expected to want all those things. I couldn't understand it. I thought why can't I just go along with it? Why can't I just do it? Maybe this is part of growing up and shedding skin and moving to another level of your life. But there was a part of me, which is the one that I can never ignore for long, which was getting pretty loud and it was like there's something here that is not right. You're not supposed to want those things. So I mean that I have nothing against marriage or or changing your name to whatever you want, like nothing. I just have a lot against being expected to want something.
Speaker 2:And so I began writing to try to talk to with myself about this, because when I reached out to friends, their reply was very uncomfortable, laughing, finding it very funny, saying please get married. We want to go to your wedding, you know. And I was like that's not very helpful, thank you very much, bye, you know. And I was like that's not very helpful, thank you very much bye. So I started to write to find out what was so wrong with me according to me, what was happening, and I wrote a lot. I even wrote like a song, I don't know. I started to write, write, write.
Speaker 2:And then this story came up and and I wrote the whole story of when I was 12 or 11, I think 12 and I was in this wedding and this wedding really marked me. It was my cousin's wedding and I started and I wasn't a child or or really a teenager, I was stepping into teenager and I was observing very much what was around me and the women at this wedding and my cousin who was getting married, and I was in the observation of what was waiting for me as a woman and I went back to that moment and I wrote what happened that day and I put it in a drawer and many years later I went to a writing class. Many, no many. Three.
Speaker 2:Two years later I was in a writing class in LA and I had two ideas, one for a TV show and one for a short film, which I thought was this story, and the teacher was like now there is a lot more stories behind this one and I need you to bring them one by one each week or two by two. And I was like I have no more stories what you talking about. And then, once I kind of gave the okay to my brain or to my memory, it's like I couldn't stop writing and all these, and I started to sort of meet again all these versions of me along my life and and there was a lot there to talk about seeing a projection of like oh, this is like what is supposed to be happening or this is what I'm in for, kind of thing.
Speaker 1:One thing that I used to talk about on season one of the podcast was how surprised I was after I had kids and got married, because nobody really talks about the amount of work it takes. And when I was growing up I had this quote unquote perfect image of my parents and what their marriage was, and they always had presented this persona of perfection.
Speaker 1:And that's a hell of a lot to live up to when you're growing up. And then when I got older, that myth was shattered because they got divorced and then I was lost and I was like I thought this is what I'm supposed to do, this is the path I'm supposed to get married and have kids. But now my one example has sort of fallen to pieces and then I obviously ended up getting married and having kids anyway, because that that really was what I had wanted. Well, it was what I was. I'm happy. But, like you know, now that I think about I'm like I was conditioned my whole life like this is the path you're gonna take.
Speaker 1:But becoming married and then becoming a mother was quite shocking for me, because everything that I thought to be true really wasn't true, because my parents actually didn't really present an example to me. They just gave you know, a facade of what it was meant to be, Um, and for many years I thought that I had failed and I always felt like I was a failure as a wife and as a mother and I'm like I don't really know how to do this, Like I no one really showed me and there's no way for me to really know, because nobody talks about that.
Speaker 2:You know, I think, what they mainly show is couples that are together, I mean my grandparents were married for.
Speaker 1:I can't remember the amount of years, but my grandfather passed when he was in his mid eighties and they got married when they were in their early twenties. So they were married for for quite a long time. That's one of the examples that I have to look at. But you know, to really understand the work that it takes to be married to somebody, it's something you really can't articulate until you're going through it. You know, and so it's. It was, it was a shock, and so it's interesting to hear it from your perspective of saying like you saw this wedding happening and you were like, oh, is this really? You know, this is a pivotal moment for me to like make a decision.
Speaker 2:When they divorced as well, I was shocked as well. I think that also, my mom had triplets and for me, the idea of being a mother. I had a very real image of you're gonna have kids. It's a Pandora's box. You don't know what you're gonna get. Yes, you it's. It's like a new life, this new life. So you better be in a position where you can accept that. It wasn't like I didn't have a fantasy of oh how cute, I want it. I want one. I had a real image of I'm going to have kids, when I want to have kids, when I feel that calling you know?
Speaker 1:it's very funny to hear you say that, because I just saw a quote recently that said um, you know, if you don't want, or if you're saying you want a baby, but be prepared to raise a child because exactly you're exactly right.
Speaker 1:Exactly what you just said is exactly right, because even myself, like I'll throw myself under the bus because I felt very stupid and I don't usually feel stupid, but I felt very stupid after I had my son because all of a sudden I was, I was older too, like I was like 31 when my son was was was born, was 31 or 32.
Speaker 1:And all of a sudden it hit me and I was like, oh my God, like I have a child and you know, you know it, you know you're going to have a baby, but no one ever talks about after the baby. No one talks about any of it. Nobody talks about any of it. And it's just like you know, you picture the baby and, oh, we're so cute, we have a little baby. Now it's like, well, yes, you do, but now you also, for the rest of your life, have this life that you are responsible for and you have to take care of. And a lot of people really don't think that through, myself included. I feel so stupid when I say that, but I really didn't think it all the way through.
Speaker 2:No, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I don't think a lot of women do think it like that All we're given is a.
Speaker 2:We're just given a commercial, that's it. That we're just given a commercial, that's it.
Speaker 1:You're not given anything else, that's it and the reality of it is that it's tough and it's interesting to hear you say you were looking at the example of your mother and she had the triplets and it's basically like you have to be prepared for pretty much anything. My kids now my kids will tell you, like my daughters have already said, like one of the girls, one of my twins said she was like, well, I only want to have two. And I was like, oh really, and I'm like you don't have to really think about that yet, like you're, you know, you have a lot of time. And she was like, yeah, kids are a lot of work. She was like I don't think I want to have a lot. I want them to see the responsibility that it takes, the amount of work it takes and it's joyous in a lot.
Speaker 1:It's a beautiful thing, but at the same time, it's not for everybody either, and there shouldn't be any shame in that. That's really where the I think we also run into an issue where, if you get to a certain point, people are basically either like, well, there's either something wrong with you that you can't have kids, or like maybe you're just not married yet and you haven't found the one, don't worry, please go out there, but maybe I don't want that. You know like, maybe I don't want it at all assumptions, assumptions, yeah and it's such a personal thing, I think, a very personal decision.
Speaker 2:I think I remember at some point I went to get tested to maybe freeze eggs and I went through all the tests and my aunt was at the city at that point and she's a doctor and we were talking in the street and I said the only thing I have very clear is that I will have children when I feel the calling to have the children, and for no other reason. I was getting friends saying well, you should have them because you're going to regret it. I don't think that's the reason I'm going to do anything ever, I hope. Then there was a point where I wanted to have them and it didn't work. And then I have now accepted my destiny. I'm really happy as I am. Of course I could adopt there's a million ways you could be a mother but but yeah, it's very personal and people love giving their opinion as well, Don't they?
Speaker 1:Well, that that's the other part that, like I think I'm I'm more aware of now because I have some relatives that had. I have several relatives that had trouble conceiving. They really wanted to have kids and they ran into a lot of issues and fertility struggles. And, you know, it made me aware of that because I think even myself and I've made sure that I'm much more sensitive to this now people will say like, oh, why don't you have kids? Or you better get on it. And, as you said, it's a very personal journey for someone and to constantly be pushing.
Speaker 1:I met my husband when I was 26 and all of my friends had gotten married already.
Speaker 1:At that point, my whole circle was married and it was just me who wasn't married and I had a couple of random single friends, but it was really just me and I was very focused on my career, which is what I wanted.
Speaker 1:I really wanted to focus on my work, and every time I went places it was like a bombardment of like, oh, I've got someone for you, or I met this person, let's set you up. And it was like a constantment of like, oh, I've got someone for you, or you know, I met this person. Like you know, let's set you up, and it was like a constant like, well, you know, don't wait too long. And I was like I don't understand, but it definitely it messes with you and it gets in your head. And then you're like, and, as you said, like you know, women will scramble and then you're rushing to meet someone, rushing to get married, rushing to have kids, and it doesn't necessarily have to happen that way. I mean, in today's day and age, I think that a lot more women are slowing down that process and really taking a look at like, well, what do I really want to do? You know you don't have to be stay at home, mom. You know, whatever, not knocking that, because it's a beautiful path as well.
Speaker 2:It's more conscious now, and if that's what you want to do, that is what you do. You know, yeah, the young women now it's different. Well, in a lot of places in the world not everywhere, but, yes, definitely I'm so glad when I hear young girls talking about this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're more choice.
Speaker 2:Like these voices of everyone that then kind of come into your head. Like you said, it messes with your head.
Speaker 1:They recognize that more, I think I definitely think the conversations are being more geared towards like women blazing their own path. I certainly will. I certainly talk to my daughters about that quite a bit and I well, I, I teach all of my kids the same. Like my son was doing the dishes last night, Like everybody is getting the same treatment, because we're not. I'm not preparing my girls to be wives. I'm preparing them to stand on their own. You know, I'm not preparing my son to be a husband. I'm preparing him to be able to stand on his own two feet because ultimately they're going to have to do that and then ultimately, you know, I don't want them to be dependent on someone, Like I want them to be able to stand up on their own, have their own things and be successful in their own right, versus like feeling like, well, I have to do this, I have to marry someone to be successful.
Speaker 1:Like that, well, that's not really accurate. Like you don't have to do that, yeah, and to be worthy.
Speaker 2:So I'm very happy that that's changing. Yes, definitely, I think also with parents like you, who are teaching something else or who are even talking about it, because we didn't really talk about this stuff much before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, beyond that one part of your book where the wedding was like the pivotal moment you also mentioned while you were writing, it was like and I might be misquoting, but I wrote this down because I want to ask you about it it was like meeting different versions of yourself.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:How was that journey?
Speaker 2:It was wild, it was crazy. I wrote most of it in the pandemic. So in the beginning, being very isolated and doing this and not having a lot of distractions, I feel like I went on journeys when I was writing. I was going in and I could follow my own rhythm because I was alone. I had just ended a relationship, so I sometimes woke up at four in the morning and had to sit down and write, or whenever. So I went into these trips and sometimes I was laughing out loud, writing, and sometimes I was crying. It was, um, I met myself.
Speaker 2:I think that I remembered things that I hadn't remembered since, like for a long time. I was like, oh my god, I forgot about this. And now I remember it so clearly, according to me, because you know that my everything I wrote, I made sure it was 100% what I remember and I always went back to check that I was being honest, completely honest. That was like my vow when I was writing, obviously my yes from memory. No, I was writing, um, obviously my yes from memory now. But uh, I, I went when I went back to like four-year-old me.
Speaker 2:That was crazy. How could you? I forgot things about her, about me, and now I remember, and it's like you feel you're not that different, or or you, I, yeah, or like teenager me, she, you know, I feel I have a lot of compassion for myself then and also, like when I was writing from teenage years, I thought, yes, like you, you stood up for yourself, you're like well done, or like I appreciated things about me that I hadn't in a very long time, because all we do is we just we bully ourselves a lot. Right, like I am a recovering perfectionist and I criticize myself so much sometimes and you forget like it was.
Speaker 1:I appreciated a lot from those years when you take decisions, where you feel very lonely and then, and then you realize, no, this is when I was following myself, when I was being respectful to myself really yeah, yeah, and really listening to, um, to what you wanted, and and we talked a little bit about this already that there's so much noise out there now that I think it's hard for people to really hear themselves and hear what they want. That's that like inner voice, that intuition. And then there's also the journey you went on to.
Speaker 2:Yes, it takes a lifetime to get back to that.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, exactly Exactly, and like like you know that that journey of self-discovery, a lot I I cannot already hear like skeptics in my head, like being like oh that's, you know, that's silly, like grow up, basically. But those are the people that are like highly driven by ego and like well, I need to control everything. Like whatever I wanted when I was a kid. Like that that's ridiculous, that was immature, but that was also my driving.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, this, yeah, but this, yes, did you say that was your driving force? Yeah, yeah, that was my. That was my driving force for the podcast. Yeah, oh my god, this is. I was remembering yesterday how, when I was a teenager, I was told many times because I've always been an idealist and I have a huge imagination and I've been a bit utopic, you know, for better or worse but when I was young and I was in high school and I had all these ideas of what I was going to do, when I grew up and people were saying, oh, you're so immature because I wasn't wanting certain things, and I thought I'm not being mature Like you're so irresponsible. That's very irresponsible. You're going to be a hippie or stupid things like that. Nothing wrong with being a hippie either. And I thought I'm not being irresponsible, I'm being responsible with myself. And I used to give this reply when I was 16, thinking maybe I'm completely crazy for saying this, but I feel this so strongly.
Speaker 1:And and now I look back and I'm like, yes, girl, yes, you know well, you know, that was, you know, part of the journey that I went on when I had been at a crossroads.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had been at a crossroads and I realized that the life that I was living this is a couple years back, like four years ago the life that I was living was not what I really wanted. It wasn't making me happy, it was making me depressed and angry. And I was, like my kids were little, I think they were like five and six at the time and one of them said to me like Mommy, why are you always so upset? Like, why are you always so angry all the time? And I was like, oh my God, like you know, yeah, and I knew I'm like the things that I'm doing now professionally like it's not making me happy, it's pulling from me. And in that moment I went on a path of self-discovery for like a year and I think I'm still on it, to be honest with you, I think I'm always on it because you suppress so much.
Speaker 1:And I went through these meditation courses and in one of the meditations you have to meditate and focus on your younger self. And what did your younger self want? Because that's really going to resonate now deeply with you. Like, really, think back. And I thought back to when I was a child, before I knew anything about money, before I knew anything about careers and feminism and all that stuff At my core, I really wanted to help people and I had wanted little Jenny wanted to save the world, like that's what I wanted to do, and I wanted to be an advocate and I want yeah, I wanted to open up organizations that would support people who, you know, were financially unstable, like I had wanted to do.
Speaker 1:I had all these ideas when I was a child and then, you know, life happened and I forgot all of it. And when I started to realize this again, that's actually when I started to really lean on the podcast and I was like I need to do this, like I have to use my voice and I mean I need to help other people use their voice. It's incredible. Yeah, it's that. And that's why you see me, you know, get so excited about all this, because this is fueling that part of me that was like I I'm going to do something bigger here, and I see that in you.
Speaker 2:And people need that support. Yes, People need all the support they can get. We need.
Speaker 1:I need it.
Speaker 2:You probably need it too. We need things like this podcast, and you know, because of what you say, that we have so many voices around us distracting us. It's very loud.
Speaker 1:It's very loud out there, very loud. We need a grounding space. This is very important.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we need a grounding space where people know. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sorry, what were you saying? No, no, it's okay, go ahead In the book. In the book there's a part where I talk about a painter that I was working with and a painting that she had that I didn't know what was going on in it, but I liked the movement in it and the strength that was expressed in it. And she said, oh, it's someone, it's Jacob and the angel from the Old Testament and it's fighting with the angel. He fights all night with the angel and in the next day the angel gives him a new name. And she said I painted it's called the struggle for identity. I painted it because that is how hard you have to fight every single day to be you. And I thought, oh, wow, you know, coming from a 90 something year old painter, yeah, that's pretty insightful.
Speaker 1:That's very powerful. Yeah, so, um, for it's interesting because I, um, I get asked a lot about my twins and since you had multiples in your family, your mother probably went through this for my twins. A lot of people will ask me um, you know, why don't? Why don't you have them in the same class, like they're in the same grade but they're in different classrooms at school?
Speaker 2:they're not in the same class.
Speaker 1:I don't have them in the same class.
Speaker 2:My mom did the same she did the same.
Speaker 1:I had a feeling I honestly, I had a feeling that she did the same, so I separated them out.
Speaker 1:I do not dress them the same. Yeah, as soon as I knew that I was having twins, I very much wanted to make sure that, even though they're twins, that they're individuals, Because I already immediately had a feeling that people are going to compare them. They're twins. People are going to compare them their whole lives. I had somebody ask me once who's the smart one? Oh my God, and I was like appalled. I'm like what are you talking about? All of my children are smart. There is no comparison here. It doesn't matter that your sister does this better, you have your own talent. There is no comparison here. It doesn't matter like that your sister does this better, you have your own talent. There is no comparison here. And I very mindfully push them into different directions because for them as twins and this is going to happen across the board, for all multiples people will have a tendency to compare them.
Speaker 1:Now, going broader, we as women are constantly compared to each other, yeah, and we are constantly put in positions where we are pit against each other, and it's a breeding ground for cattiness and for degrading each other, when the reality is, we're all meant to be on our own path of individuality and authenticity. There is no need to pull each other down. Where your talent is as a you know as an artist and you know, with your voiceover work and your writing and everything that you're doing, you know you're the only you who can do that and that's phenomenal that you're like leading into this. This is awesome. I was actually thinking about how you live abroad the other day, like after we talked. I was like this is so cool, Like she really is like living her life on her terms, Like that is the most awesome thing you could do for yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that if you're on your path as well and and you know living your life consciously in that way, I think you're not going to need to bring someone else down. And you know, one thing leads to the other. I still sometimes judge myself for what I'm doing as soon as I landed in Athens now, now in Athens, I've been here for three weeks and as soon as I landed in Athens, I was in my balcony figuring out how to put some plants there, and I caught my reflection on a window. It was sunset and I said to myself wow, you look tired. And then I started to bully myself and I went of course you're tired, you're 44 years old, and you look at what you're doing. Who do you think you are to? You're going to be 45 in two months. Who do you think you are to do this?
Speaker 2:And then it got really dark. I started to really abuse myself, like. I started to like say who are you to do this? What do you think you're going to learn now? What did you know? Do you remember how hard it was to learn English? And now you think you're gonna learn Greek? Were you crazy?
Speaker 2:And then I, and then I felt horrible. And then I looked at myself. I kept looking at myself and I said no, no, no, no. I recognize these voices. They're not me. These voices, they're not me. These voices are those voices that come up. We meet again. You know, these are the voices of I don't know society, the things I've been taught all my life before, the fact that I don't know a woman that is doing exactly this. That you know, because I chose to forget it, because, if I think I really do know, these are the voices of I don't know ancestral history in my blood and and. And also the very negative voices of voices of fear that come up whenever I'm doing something new that I've never done before, because I've moved countries, but I've never moved to a country with a new language, and I was like no, no, no, no, no. You need to step aside. And then I told myself the opposite. I went inside and I was like I used this tool that a psychologist gave me. His name was Bobby Klein. He passed away recently. He's a young psychoanalyst but also intuitive healer, and he gave me this tool.
Speaker 2:That is like you have to constantly talk again Whenever you're doing something new. Talk to your inner child again, because there's a part of you that is very scared whenever you're doing something new. So tell yourself yeah, it's going to be fine. You're in Greece. Look at the weather. We're going to eat amazing food. We're going to go to the beach. You're going to meet new people that you've never even imagined you're going to meet. You are going to learn Greek because you've learned the language before and you're going to do it again. You're going to fill your house with plants. It's going to feel like a home and you are the right age. You know, and these are the things that calm us down. But if you don't recognize those voices for what they are, they feel horrible. You can, like get stuck very easily.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, so it still happens. So there's like a whole. There's a lot of yeah, Absolutely so there's like a whole, there's a lot of yeah, there's. There's actually a lot of studies done about that particular situation that you found yourself in, where and this is for men and women but, like anytime you're going to embark on something new, immediately your mind goes into no, this is scary, we don't know this. And it's really because, yeah, like your mind kind of attacks you and is like we don't recognize this. We're used to this over here, so this must not be right. We're scared. But in those moments of fear is when you're going to find the most growth. And, yes, I have to tell you, I get that feeling all the time too, Every time, every time this is going to sound really silly, because I'm I'm almost at a hundred episodes for my podcast- Wow, every single time I record an episode or do a guest interview, I get really nervous.
Speaker 1:I get really nervous every single time and in every guest recording I have to take a minute before I get started and say to myself like Jenny, you can do this. Like, because in my head I'm well, who are you Like? Who are you to be interviewing these phenomenal women? Like, who are you to try to share their story? You're not anybody. You're just Jenny from New Jersey and you're not anybody, you're just jenny from new jersey and you're just, you know, plugging away here like who, who, you know what.
Speaker 1:What business do you have here? And that happens to me all the time and I have to. Um, I found what I've started to do is basically like force myself through that door. Um to, I force myself through the door because I know that on the other side of it it's going to be much better and it's going to really improve my life. As long as I can continue going, it's okay sorry, my connection just went completely.
Speaker 2:It's okay, internet again no, no, it's okay.
Speaker 1:Um, I was talking about imposter syndrome. I like finished what I was saying, yes, so let me, let me, I'm going to like cue it back up. So I think we all experience imposter syndrome, like I mean, you just shared your story. I shared how, like every guest interview, I am feeling yeah every time you get nervous.
Speaker 1:You know every single time, and it's you know, breaking through that door of nervousness is where you're going to find the most growth on the other side. Because, yes, those are the moments, those are, those are the pivotal moments where you're like I'm scared to do this, but that means that you're about to grow. So if you can start recognizing those moments and you just have to get to the other side, you will see your whole life change, because now you're doing the things you're supposed to be doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's your fears trying to protect you, or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's loads of work on it. It's called your ego basically.
Speaker 1:And for a really long time I survived on my ego, controlling everything around me, and for the first time in my life, I have stepped back from that and allowed my path to take the path and my life to take the path that I'm meant to be taking. So I applaud you I really do for how you're living your life. Also, by the way, I feel like I should say this because you shared your age and I wanted to tell you this. I don't know if you saw my jaw drop open, because I was not, I thought, mid thirties at most. So you're living a very unproblematic lifestyle, because you're definitely living a very aligned lifestyle, because I can tell in your face the ease and the grace and I can just see your aura being at peace and I think that that is really resonating inside you and coming out of you, because everything about you is fresh and enlightening and I wanted you to know that. Thank, you.
Speaker 2:I think I am more at peace now than I was. Well, I think I'm more at peace the older I get, really, yeah, before I released the book, I went through that that you were talking about. Well, imposter syndrome.
Speaker 1:Oh sure.
Speaker 2:But I went through five days I always say I went through five days of hell where I had the devil on my shoulder, talking nonstop to me. That's how it felt. It felt like the devil was on my shoulder and like a puppet. I do, because, yeah, that's what it is and it felt like, oh, who are you to write a book? Who are you to talk about this? Who are you to share your heart? Who are you to this and what are you going to do? Don't you know you're going to regret it later? What if? Then you're sorry? You know all these things that at the moment felt so real. Now I laugh at it, but it felt so real. And I now I laugh at it, but it felt so real and I almost burnt it.
Speaker 2:I was like I just want to burn it. I had this like a real one and a friend of mine was like you're crazy, just stop this nonsense. And I called a psychologist and then I talked to a healer. I was like I need help from all the angles and they all said the same to me. They both said the exact same. Well, you can burn it, it's yours. But if you burn it, you're going to be back to where you were before. It's just back where you were. And why would you want to burn your creative impulse, your creativity? I mean, it's your choice. And once I've, you know, know, distinguished where these voices were coming from, you know, I think we still, we always learn, learn, we keep learning, um, but it's. This was the biggest example that I experienced of, of of those voices trying to hold you back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's I. I can't even imagine. I honestly can't I, because I I do think some days about like, oh, it'd be lovely to be able to write a book at some point. I've always wanted to do that. That was something a teenage Jenny had wanted to do, so at some point I'll probably be joining you in those five days of like total imposter syndrome. Yeah, exactly, um, wow, dolores, thank you so much for joining us today and sharing your story and sharing part of yourself. Um, everyone listening, I'm going to link the book in the episode description and I'll give some information for Dolores as well, if you want to follow her on Instagram. Um, she's phenomenal, she's a light.
Speaker 2:So thank you so much for joining the show today and thank you for what you do.
Speaker 1:Thank you, it's been a pleasure so much thanks and, uh, everyone will see you on the next one.
