Jenny B and More Real Talk: Self-Care and Emotional Honesty

Feeling overwhelmed by the constant juggle of work and parenting during the summer? You're not alone. I share a raw and honest account of my toughest days, where work emergencies, back-to-back meetings, and the demands of being a present parent nearly broke me. Tune in to hear about the added stress from dealing with a passive-aggressive comments and the emotions we often keep bottled up. This episode is a heartfelt conversation about the real-life challenges that many women face in balancing their careers and family life.

But it's not all doom and gloom. Discover the transformative power of self-care, as I recount how a simple meeting with fellow moms lifted my spirits and reminded me that it's okay to admit when we're struggling. We also discuss the importance of communicating openly with our children about tough days, fostering better emotional understanding within the family. Lastly, I share my current struggle to maintain a consistent podcast schedule and express my deep gratitude for your patience. This episode is packed with practical advice and personal stories that offer solidarity and remind us all that we're navigating this journey together.

Chapters

• 0:00 Balancing Work and Parenting Struggles
• 14:14 The Importance of Self-Care for Moms
• 20:17 Navigating Work-Life Balance During Summer

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Good morning everybody. This is still Rose's podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. If it sounds like I'm whispering and if it sounds like I just woke up, you would be correct. I literally had to rush downstairs because this is the only moment that I'm seeming to find six o'clock in the morning to record Um.

Speaker 1: 0:30

So I believe it was last week that I I think I had posted an episode just about the struggle with you know, balancing it all, and to you know, be realistic about, like, what life is like when you're trying to balance multiple priorities, um, multiple, like big, major priorities and um. This is another one of those episodes where I want to be real with you guys about the struggle and how intense things can get when you, your kids, are home for the summer and you're trying to make it work in with everything else that you're doing, um. So you'll notice, I think no, maybe it was two weeks ago, actually, now that I think about it, last week I didn't even get to post an episode. That's how insane things have gotten Um. Insane things have gotten um to no fault to anybody. Really realistically, it's really not anyone's fault.

Speaker 1: 1:30

Last week was my husband's birthday week and, you know, as I had mentioned, my kid's camp is done, so now they're home full time with me and I'm trying to find a way to juggle having them home while I'm working and squeezing just those two things in is incredibly difficult. And then I'm layering in, you know, trying to be a good mom and trying to do podcast work, and last week it just wasn't happening. So, because it was his birthday week, I took off additional days, but it was more focused for family. So that was one of those moments where I was like I, you know, I want to focus here, like this is, you know, the priority for the week, but then I, um, I start to get that podcast like urgency, where I want to come and talk to you guys and I wanted to let you know what's going on, because I also want to be realistic about, like what, what's really happening here, because I know that you all will hear me and understand and and hopefully find some solidarity. So, in any case, um, I'm glad to be back, but, yeah, it's just been kind of tough.

Speaker 1: 2:40

So yesterday was one of the worst days I've had this summer, for a couple of factors. I know we're winding down, the kids have roughly two and a half weeks, roughly two and a half weeks left before school starts. So we're at the point in the summer where they're getting on each other's nerves and you know they're feeling like they're cooped up in a cage summer where they're getting on each other's nerves and you know they're feeling like they're cooped up in a cage, basically because they're not at school. So there's that. Then I'm also, you know I'm trying to work, so they're just being kids, but it doesn't work when you're trying to have quiet for your job.

Speaker 1: 3:20

Um, I've adapted, as I think most mothers are adapted to this. Where I can accomplish tasks with like a tsunami around me, it doesn't matter. Like I can, I can work with noise around me, but because of my industry, I talk a lot and I'm in a lot of meetings and that doesn't work with noise around me and I can't realistically lock myself in a room because they could get hurt, something could happen and, honestly, nine times out of 10, they come knocking anyway. So it doesn't even really matter. But yesterday was one of those unfortunate days where it really took a toll on me and I really yelled at the kids. I really yelled at the kids and I really yelled at the kids. I really yelled at the kids. But I was in such a desperation because there was a work emergency in the morning, which normally my mornings are open and free to get work done and then also be more mindful with the kids. And then it was back-to-back meetings after that. It was just one of those days that it turned out really, really busy and so I couldn't engage with the kids at all, and that normally doesn't happen that way. So I think that's really what also spurred this really terrible moment. And they weren't being bad, but they were being kids and they were being very loud.

Speaker 1: 4:45

I have a colleague that finds a it's a very passive, aggressive way to let me know that my kids are too loud and instead of making light of it and making it a joke and then just asking me kindly to mute my line which I would appreciate I get the passive, aggressive. I just can't seem to hear anything, as if there's confusion around where the noise is coming from. I know it's coming from my freaking house. Like, help me out here, you're a woman to make a joke out of it, move on, and I'll mute my line. Like, give me a damn break, I don't have a choice here. So that triggered me and so when I hung up the phone, I only had about 10 minutes until my next call and I lead all my calls. I have to be able to speak on my calls. And so I hung up and I yelled at the kids and I had to clean up. I, you know, sent them all to their rooms and I had and I you know and rage cleaned up their, their mess that they had made, which was really just like a pile of blankets and pillows and stuff, and what they had done was they piled them all up and then they were jumping in them and then I thought it was fine, like at first, but then it just kept escalating and escalating the noise, and then that's really where the comment came in. That comment triggered me and it still triggers me.

Speaker 1: 6:11

It still irritates me today, because comments like that make women feel attacked and uncomfortable and you might think that, oh, I'm just, you know, I'm calling her attention to it in a nice way. No, like you're not, like it's passive, aggressive and you don't have to act, like you're confused about, like oh, oh, I'm so, oh, I just can't seem to hear anything. It's just, it's just a little bit too noisy. Just just make the direct comment Jen, your kids are going bananas. Mute your line, thank you, okay, Like I would be less offended by that than like the roundabout. I just can't seem to hear anything like oh no, do you have cotton in your ears? I can't tell you how frigging irritating it is as a working mom to get a comment like that because you know you're busting your butt trying to get everything done and to make sure that you're on point with stuff. And then to get little comments like that is just needlessly irritating.

Speaker 1: 7:17

And then it kind of escalated because I have a situation where this person, if they're triggered by something earlier in the day, then they seem to lash out throughout the day and then I'm just like bearing the brunt of it. It's very frustrating for me, which is why I do lean so heavily into podcasting. I love it and I it's like my creative outlet love it and I it's like my creative outlet, and I do have hopes that one day this will be part of my full-time gig, to be able to talk with you guys once we get, you know, the whole advocacy part of this up and running. But in any case, um, yeah, it triggered me at the comment, really badly triggered me, and so I disconnected the line and I had about 10 minutes until my next meeting. So I'm yelling at the kids and then the twins of course they really take it to heart so they started crying. My son internalizes it. He doesn't cry but you can tell on his face that he's taking it in and getting some kind of trauma from it. Because I had to yell at them and then I couldn't even talk to them about it because I had to jump right back into meetings for another two and a half hours and it was just so emotionally draining and then it was just very emotional training and then you get the at the end of the day.

Speaker 1: 8:33

I mean I always make sure to talk to the kids because I grew up in a house where you know the big explosions like that where our parents would blow. My mom had this habit of blowing her top at us. She'd kind of let things fester and fester and fester and then she'd explode and then she'd kind of just laugh it off and move on with her day. But I always found that really frustrating because I'm like how could you act? Like you didn't just scream at us Like how could you pretend like nothing just happened? So I made sure that I addressed it with each of my kids last night and such good kids that you know they accept the apology, you know they accept the apology.

Speaker 1: 9:28

Now I kind of wake up and I'm like immediately stressed out because I don't want to have, you know, another blow up today, which I won't, because today there's no meetings. So so there won't be another blow up today because there's no meetings and there's no need for them to be quiet. It'll be the guilt. The guilt from yesterday is just totally overwhelming and, uh, you just feel awful when you have to do something like that because you don't you don't ever want to be screaming at your kids and getting them upset and stuff like that. So it's just one of those things that's really difficult to um to have to deal with.

Speaker 1: 10:08

So, in a nutshell, next summer they're either going to camp 100%, full time all summer, or they're going to, or that we're going to have someone come here and take care of them and to babysit or nanny for the summer, because I don't want them to. I don't want to put myself in that position, in this position again. This was a test run and I already knew August was going to be a tough month. So this was just a test to see how far we could go with this. But I don't want them to look back and be like, oh my God, mommy was a raging maniac and mommy always screamed at us and they're going to remember those things. And I want them to also remember all the good stuff Because, for you know, as you get older it's interesting. Some of your memories will die off, but those lips of trauma will stick with you and I don't want it to be the reason that they remember all this trauma. So which? It is trauma, and I do. I do recognize that. I had hopes that I'd be able to maintain the balance here with them, but it just, I just can't, and you know it's.

Speaker 1: 11:25

The other interesting thing is that, um, I feel so much guilt for not being able to handle them being home, or I feel I feel almost not guilt not being able to handle them being home, or I feel I feel almost not guilt. That's not the right word. I feel like not ashamed. Is it ashamed? Stupid, I don't, can't put my finger quite on the emotion, but I feel like in my head, like, oh, this should. I should be able to do this and then, realistically, like when I think about it, I'm like I shouldn't be putting myself in this position where I have them here and, you know, full-time, and that this is what happens, because this is what happens, like they're kids, they want to play, they want to be loud, and I normally can accommodate them and again, yesterday was just an anomaly. It's just one of those days that I couldn't accommodate them. I just couldn't do it. So here's, you know, this mom's hope that today goes better and that we have a smoother day. I do happen to have a half a day today because you know it's supposed to be mom fun day. So I'm going to try to make sure I have that good quality time with them in the afternoon and take them out to the park or something like that.

Speaker 1: 12:34

But I just wanted to share this with you guys because you know I'm trying really hard to be fluid and give myself grace. I'm trying really hard not to put too much pressure on myself, even though I have a tremendous checklist in my head of things that I want to do for the podcast thing, other projects that I'd like to get involved in, um, and it's just, it's just very difficult some days. Um, you know, in case in point, the other thing that you guys don't see obviously you wouldn't know this in the background, and then I talked about this on one of the other episodes, so I have them home with me all day, so I'm like totally triggered all day and then I have full recordings happening and full editing happening. So that's quite a lot and our weekends are busy. Every weekend Now we're having guests over. So that's been kind of hard because normally on the weekends I get some good solid time into work and that hasn't been happening. And then I also have, you know, it's just, it's a, it's a tremendous amount because I have um podcast episodes to edit, promotion to plan. Like you know, there's quite a quite a bit of work that happens in the background for when I'm preparing for a season launch, the fall season is going to start, um september 8th, um, with just powerhouse episodes from women. So I'm so damn proud of the fall series and going into the winter spring series, it's a tremendous group of guests that are coming on here to share their stories and share their resources.

Speaker 1: 14:14

I I did do one thing that I want to share with you guys last night. That did help the situation a little bit. So I think the other part of it is because I work from home, like I'm not leaving the house, and so I'm like here all the time, every day, all day with them and stay-at-home moms like mad props, because it's again deep breath. I had to go to a meeting last night for one of the organizations I volunteer for and for the troop leaders, and I got to get out for like an hour and a half and I got to talk to other. I got to get out for like an hour and a half and I got to talk to other women basically, and you know, when I came back I was in such a better mental state and I never would have normally done that.

Speaker 1: 15:02

Normally I would have stuck it out and stayed home and I wouldn't have put that onto anyone else to take care of the kids, um, but as they get older I'm finding it easier to be able to make that separation there and honestly it was a huge, huge help to me, like getting through the evening and me being able to at least end the day on a more positive note, and I was only out for about an hour and a half and it really it made like all the difference in the world being able to step out and being able to have that time where I was just out without them, so that it really, really was a huge help, because now having that little outlet and having, you know, getting rest and everything like that will help. So I'm hoping for a better day today, but it's really, it's really hard and this is the the other side of the story that we, as moms and as women, we don't talk about it because we don't want to look like bad moms, um, we don't want to look like we can't handle it all which we can't handle it all which, fyi, we really shouldn't be handling it all. Like that's not supposed to be a thing, and I feel like we're going to get judged for not being able to handle it and for cracking. And then we lean in heavier and try to take on more because we feel or we try to just stay silent about it and we shouldn't, because those moments are so draining and, regardless of how much you love your family and your kids, like it takes a toll when you have those days and it really does impact you and you'll get through it and you'll get to the next day, but you should be able to talk about this and you should be able to ring someone up and say like, oh my God, like toughest day ever, and like, get some commiseration and have some support with. Like yes, I get you, like I'm here for it.

Speaker 1: 17:02

And that's why I'm posting this episode, even with those large gaps of me having to pull my shit together because sorry ish together, because I want you all to to really hear these and under and to know like you're not alone, you're not the only person that's having to deal with all of this, and we all have a lot to carry on our shoulders and none of us are perfect at it. None of us are perfect. Moms, regardless of the social media pictures that you see, with everyone smiling perfectly, you and I both know that it's total crap. Everybody has problems and even if you see people you know out and about doing all these great, fun summer activities and it seems like their lives are so perfect, nobody's life is perfect and, to be perfectly honest, I feel like the ones who are the loudest with look at me, look at all these amazing things, look at this the ones who are the loudest about how perfect things are, I feel like are the ones with the most cracks.

Speaker 1: 18:12

Because, for those people out there that have that piece and have those, have the time, actually do have, um, you know, stability. They're not. You're not showy about it because you're not trying to call attention to it, you're not trying to rub it in anyone's face, you're just grateful for it. So take everything you see with a grain of salt. Don't don't start comparing yourself to other people. Don't get that into your head that everyone else has these perfect existences and you're the only one, because that's honestly not. That's just not the case.

Speaker 1: 18:49

So I just wanted you to hear this from another mom, from a working mother, from a professional, that we all fall apart. We all have really bad days, but you get through it and you get to your next day and life carries on. The one thing that I do want to encourage you when you do have days like that, where you're really losing it on your kids, address it with them, talk to them about it, let them know. You know what I told my kids mommy got upset at work because you guys are being loud. I took it out on you and and they're like well what happened and I explained to them. I was like, oh, someone was mean to me, that's the best way I can explain it. Someone was mean to me and you know it upset me. So I had that bad feeling and then I was upset with you guys and I explained it to them.

Speaker 1: 19:42

And I do this because trauma is associated with, you know, being screamed at and yelled at and then you, it's, it's a toxic home if you don't explain yourself and you might be like, well, my kid is four, it doesn't matter. Explain it to them, just in the best terms you can, and it helps and it teaches them to be better communicators. So I'll leave you guys with that little tip, also the tip of like just go out and get some milk, quote unquote. Go out and run an errand, if you can, if you're having a bad day, leave the house without a child for a little while and you can reset yourself and sort of get yourself into a better place.

Speaker 1: 20:17

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do a second episode this week. I'm going to try my best to get one up. I have some time blocked on Wednesday evening, so I'm hoping I'll be able to do it then I appreciate all you hanging in there with me and I will see you on the next one. Good luck everybody out there with the kids home for the summer and take care.