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Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
Join Jenny weekly as she discusses topics that effect women in a relatable, honest way.
Steel Roses Podcast
PreNups, Maiden Names, and Valuing the Unseen Work of Stay-at-Home Moms
Join me on this episode of Steel Rose's podcast as I unpack the layered emotions and practicalities surrounding prenuptial agreements. Listen in as I relay a spirited debate on whether safeguarding one's financial accomplishments is a prudent move or a sign of mistrust. I also touch on the broader issue of women keeping their maiden names after obtaining higher degrees—a decision that, like prenuptial agreements, is rooted in the desire to maintain personal achievements within a marriage.
Switching gears, we place a well-deserved spotlight on the unsung heroes of every household: stay-at-home moms. Referencing a fascinating study from Salary.com, we reveal just how valuable their roles truly are, estimating a staggering median annual salary of $184,000. By comparing this to the cost of living in New Jersey, we challenge the misconception that these women are "living for free" off their partners. Tune in to hear us dismantle common myths and provide an eye-opening perspective on the invaluable contributions of stay-at-home moms.
Articles for reference:
Salary.com
FreedomSprout.com
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Hello everybody, this is Steel Rose's podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. Happy Tuesday everybody. So this Tuesday is extra special and I hope you're all prepared for it, because for me in New Jersey, this Tuesday marks the end of summer. School starts tomorrow. I have been waiting for this moment for weeks. My kids have been waiting for this moment for weeks. Um, they're thrilled. I'm thrilled, thrilled everywhere.
Speaker 1:Um, you all have been with me this summer through the um little experiment I would call it for me trying to work from home while also having my kids home, and you all saw and heard all you heard the struggle that it was, especially when we got to August. I was thinking about this quite a bit last night because it has been very intense for me. It has been very hard this month for me and in my head all I can think to myself is they are just kids being kids, and in no way was the stress really their fault. They're just doing their thing and they need someone. That's going to be 100% in, because the days that I was 100% all in and didn't have to deal with work and was able to just focus on them and do things for them it went beautifully and I enjoyed my time with them and I enjoyed being able to do that. The days that I had to work were obviously the days that were. Things were tough. So you know, there was a lot of give and take, mostly give from my side, but they did, for their ages they did an excellent job trying to do, you know, help, mommy, while I was working. So I'm planning to chat with them later today. But something I had been thinking about quite a bit last night was that like they're just kids being kids, like I'm the one with the issue here, not them. So that's just one thing. But yes, I'm very excited. School starting tomorrow Can't even begin to express the relief. I might cry I keep saying that because I feel like it's going to happen Not because of the sadness, because of the joy.
Speaker 1:So two things I wanted to bring up today. Number one it was an interesting discussion that I was having with my husband and my stepson this past weekend and the discussion was centered around prenuptial agreements and the debate was, you know, if it was coming from my husband and stepson. So it was focused around if you're a guy, if you're a man and you're building up a business or an empire whatever, and you're very successful and you're going to get married, is it offensive to want to get a prenuptial agreement in place to protect your assets? Personally, I don't really feel like this should be an issue. Before all of you come and find me and talk to me about this um, I know that there's an emotional element here. Um, that says you know, well, we're getting married, you know you shouldn't be thinking about, um, you know the possibility of this ending. Like you should be coming into this wholeheartedly, like knowing this isn't going to end and it won't affect the business and this and that or whatever. Take the emotional element out of marriage for a minute and just think about the baseline of this.
Speaker 1:Person worked very hard to build up this business. He wants to protect an asset and he just wants to make sure that that asset will be protected and it cannot be taken away from him. Someone else can't be in charge of it. Like he wants to maintain it, he or she I'm going to put that both out there, because pronunciable agreements can come from women as well. Um, I don't think this is an issue and I said to and I hopped into the conversation and I said now this is the part where you guys are going to think this is funny. There's a reason why I'm bringing this up. I said you know what, absolutely, I agree, shouldn't be an issue. If your fiance has a business that they're building up, an empire that they're building, they should be able to protect that. I understand that they worked really hard for it. They want to keep it as theirs.
Speaker 1:And then I introduced the concept and I said, similar to if a woman doesn't want to change her last name because she's earned a higher education degree. And you know, my stepson kind of looked at me and was like what do you? What do you mean? And I was like Well, I know of several women that earned their MDs, phds. You know they have a higher education and, post receiving their degree, got married but decided not to change their last name because the logic was like me, as an individual woman, I earned this degree, I worked hard for it. Dr Benitez didn't earn it, it was Dr Dio, which was my maiden name. I don't have a doctorate, so this is not applicable to me. But I know people that were like no, I'm not changing my last name. I worked really hard for this degree. I'm keeping my last name on here and I agree with this. I think that that makes sense To me. This makes sense Like, legally. I understand.
Speaker 1:You know there's this whole like idea about, oh you know, changing your last name after you get married. I did it, I was in it, I wanted to do it, that was my choice. But again, if you have a higher degree, you might not want to do it because you personally earned that degree. So I propose this as a concept in this discussion and my stepson, kind of he said he's like oh, hold on a second. He was like no, no, that's not the same thing.
Speaker 1:I said I would have an issue with that and I said, well, why you're protecting your asset your wife might want to protect, like something that she worked for, that your last name didn't work for, and thus she doesn't want to change her last name, she wants to maintain it. So then my husband walked in the room. Now, this is not my husband. You might all be surprised to hear this, but my husband is very male dominant patriarchy. He does have a lot of these old school ways of thinking, which is funny between the two of us, because you all know my points of view on things. So sometimes there's some very light debate in our house and there's a lot of agreeing to disagree. But so my husband walks in the room and I relay to him what I said to my stepson and he goes oh, no, no, no, no, no, I am gonna. You know, you should really still change your last name. So I challenged them on it.
Speaker 1:I said Well, why You're telling me you want to protect an asset and you don't want to just go into a marriage without having a prenuptial agreement, because you worked really hard for your company and whatever it is that you have and you want to protect that? I'm like, and the woman you want her to be able to sign this and not take issue with it, then you really shouldn't be taking issue. If she doesn't want to change her last name. And that's where the conversation kind of stopped, because they have this blanket like no, no, no, we don't agree with that. And I'm like, well, then you should be comfortable if the woman doesn't agree with the prenuptial agreement. And that's kind of where the conversation stopped because nobody wants to debate me. So I'm curious to hear, like how, what you all think of that, because to me this felt like you know this makes sense. Or even like you know, if your wife comes in and says, like I built up this empire, I don't want to hand it over to you blindly and, you know, go into a marriage thinking this is all going to be split up. Each individual should protect themselves and prenuptial agreements could also be beneficial for the woman, because you can actually put text and you can add to it and put in parameters for yourself. And and I understand when people kind of balk at this and they're like, oh my God, but it's a wedding, it's a marriage, like it's not about money the reality is we do have to protect ourselves and people really do need to. Yes, you're going to wholeheartedly give to your marriage. It's not, you're going into it thinking it's not going to work, but there should be some level of protection. That's just smart, Like I don't think that there's anything wrong with it. So I would be curious to hear, like, how you all feel about this and what you thought about my logic there, because they kind of didn't appreciate it, but I thought it was a good concept. So I'm curious to hear what your thoughts are.
Speaker 1:Now topic number two. So I'm not on social media personally. You all know that the podcast is on social media but I don't personally have an account. I don't personally engage. My husband will sit next to me sometimes and he'll be scrolling through his feed and my ears always perk up here and there on different things that he comes across his feed and I'll like look over at him and he'll stop scrolling and he'll let me listen to the whole clip because I want to hear what this person is saying. My husband was listening to what I can only describe as an a-hole. He was listening.
Speaker 1:Some a-hole popped up on his feed. I don't know the guy's name. I don't know anything about this person. I don't know his handle. I know nothing about this person. I don't know his handle. I know nothing about this person, but what I do know is that what popped up on the feed was he was arguing the debate around women, um, saying that stay-at-home mom's salary you know, quote-unquote is worth so much and that you know, um, there's a leg to stand on there in terms of, like you know what, their value and their respect and all this stuff.
Speaker 1:And this guy was arguing it and saying he didn't say it's not that they're not worth this, what his debate was. Well, you're a stay at home mom, you're getting free room and board, you're getting free food, you're getting all these free benefits and all you have to do is manage the household and be a stay at home mom. So shut your mouth. Like it's a wash, like you're getting all these benefits for free. I immediately took issue with this and I basically made a little mental note to myself that I wanted to actually look into this, because this debate irritates the crap out of me, because you're going to sit there and say like, well, you know what? Yeah, that's right, you know what, you are burnt out, but you know what? You get free food and bored, so you get a free roof over your head. So shut your mouth. Like, keep doing what you need to do. I cannot even. So, again, let's take the emotional element out of there, because we can all probably talk this to death and be like no, like you're an idiot, you're wrong.
Speaker 1:What I like to do to combat the idiots is well, let me look at the details here. So if you look online and you can Google this, there's articles everywhere how much is a mom really worth? What's the stay-at-home mom cost? So I found this article on salarycom. I'll link it. I'll link it in the description stay-at-home mom is medium. Median annual salary in 2020 and 2021 was creeping over 184 000. Um, some of the things like job descriptions that fall under mom chief financial officer, chief operational officer, logistical analyst, housekeeper, laundry manager, van driver, in some instances, public school teacher, facilities manager, meeting and event planner, kitchen manager, athletic director, nurse, bookkeeper, kitchen manager, athletic director, nurse, bookkeeper, physical therapy supervisor, nutrition director, fast food cook server, complex manager, interior designer, fundraising coordinator.
Speaker 1:And what's not on the list, which is actually kind of interesting to me, is mental health expert, and I'd like to add that in there. It's not in there and I think that if we were to add that in there, the median salary range would probably go up about $30,000, because we all know that, as women and as wives, we are supporting our husbands and partners. Mental health, we just are. It's par for the course. They come home, they're in a bad mood. You have to manage their mood. They come home, they get depressed or whatever. Anxiety, this and that and the next thing. It should be a two way street. I'm not saying it shouldn't, it absolutely should, cause your emotion should be your emotional support, should also be your husband. I'm just pointing out that we do do this for our husbands, and nine times out of 10, it's a lot harder than like what most people think Most men think anyway.
Speaker 1:So there's a slew of list of things that women do that back up the fact that we would be earning $184,000. Oh, you know what I forgot to factor in here Childcare, so that was a note to myself. Care, um, so that was a note to myself. So I wanted to combat this idiot's logic, right, because he's like you, it's a wash. You get all this free stuff, you got all the free benefits you know, shut up kind of thing, like women shut up everywhere. Um, so what I wanted to do was like compare financially. Like okay, well, if you were saying like this is a crappy, you know argument, then let's do an actual one to one comparison. Let's look at the facts. They're saying all these things that women do is valued at about $185,000. And that.
Speaker 1:So then what is the cost of actually supporting a stay at home woman? So I broke it down based on New Jersey's. This is how irritated I am about this. So I broke down the cost of it based in cost of living in New Jersey so it might be a little bit lower. In other places in the United States or in the world it could be higher. This is just average ranges. I was going on.
Speaker 1:So cost of supporting an individual by themselves, I'm not counting kids, I'm just counting the individual Room and board because this is a one-to-one and we're talking about the payment for a stay-at-home mom, room and board in New Jersey roughly $2,000 per month which would come out to about 24K per year. I average 2,000 per month because if an individual was to get a studio apartment or a one-bedroom apartment, about $2,000 would probably cover it, depending on where you're living. So I'm just sitting at 2000. Food per week I went with $650. Because you know you want to do treats for yourself whatever 650 per week. Health insurance is $150 per month for an individual. And then expenses cell phone, car, car insurance, utilities I added everything up. Cell phone 75 per month. Cars 500 per month. Car insurance 500 per month. Utilities 350 per month. Health insurance I said 150 per month. So you see where I'm going with this right. Like I averaged out per week per month.
Speaker 1:What's the annual cost to support an individual $73,000. $73,000. To support one adult the average stay-at-home mom's salary should be about $185,000. So this gentleman and by gentleman I mean a-hole his logic is you get all these free benefits, so shut up with your complaining. You get all these free benefits. You're living for free off of this person. This is enough. It's a wash. That is your job, that's what you're supposed to do, and I'm here to tell you you still are getting over by $115,000 and you should actually shut your mouth, because you're getting $115,000 of benefits from somebody fully, wholly, supporting your family by themselves 24 hours a day.
Speaker 1:Now, before you stop me to say oh well, it's not really 24 hours a day support, I mean, they sleep. They're probably not. They're not doing that much during the day. If the kids are at school, they're not doing a lot. I'm also here to shoot that argument down, because even when the kids are at school, I can tell you right now because I just had a discussion about this recently that there is not a real moment where a woman is going to be sitting down on her ass and doing nothing. When the kids go to school, the woman is I'm going to rush to get laundry done. I'm going to rush to get grocery shopping done. I'm going to make sure I clean the house. I'm going to make sure things are set up. I'm going to make sure appointments are being done.
Speaker 1:Do you know how much my husband has complained this summer about all the appointments I haven't scheduled yet, because I had the kids full time? And I have been telling him every single day I can't, I don't have the brain space to make any appointments for anybody until everyone is out the door and in school, because the amount of energy it takes to focus on them while I was doing everything else was insanity. So if someone comes to you with the argument that like, oh well, actually you get free room and board, so you should be all good, no, I don't, because I'm still like, not getting enough technically, salary wise, and when I was going to circle two with the whole logic of like, oh well, stay at home, moms, they sleep, like it's not a 24 hour a day job, there's downtime, there's no, there isn't, there's no downtime. And I can already tell you, I can give you a list of things that happen during the daytime when the kids are at school. But beyond that, the sleep factor you, a woman, is on call 24 hours a day. We are on call 24 hours a day.
Speaker 1:So before you sit there and want to shoot off your patriarchy, male chauvinist machismo, frigging mouths, why don't you take a minute and actually do some research and fact check yourself before you go down that path? Because I'm telling you right now you're wrong, you're incorrect. Because I'm telling you right now you're wrong, you're incorrect. The stay-at-home mom benefit is incredible. It is incredible. You really can't put a dollar amount to it, to what that benefit is to the husband and to the children, because as soon as you factor in the mental health benefit of having a stay-at-home mom, that's fully supporting your kids and fully supporting the husband. That's it. You're not awash anymore, you're not breaking even, you're not awash. The benefit of that woman is 100 times what you quoted for room and board and free food and free insurance and free cars and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So I'm here to say I'll shut your mouth right now and shut you down right now, because that's not valid. It's not valid. Okay.
Speaker 1:So those are my two topics for today. I'm very interested to hear what you all think. Bobby's at work. Please go, I'll be two minutes. I'm very interested to hear what you all think. As you can hear I'm being summoned. I got to make breakfast. I appreciate all of you listening and hanging with me for this summer series. Summer series is ending on Thursday. It's our last summer series episode. Sunday picks up the fall series. Make sure, if you're not subscribed I hope you all are, but if you're not subscribed, fall series is going to be like killer kick ass and we already have episodes scheduled for the winter spring 2025. So stick with us. It's going to get really interesting. It's going to be awesome. I hope you all have a wonderful day and I will catch you on the next one. Take care.
