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Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
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Steel Roses Podcast
Wendy Alexander on Resilience, Writing for Healing, and Navigating Midlife Transitions
Ever wondered how a single mother from apartheid-era South Africa could pivot through a series of tumultuous life changes to become a beacon of resilience and empowerment? Wendy Alexander reveals her extraordinary journey on this episode of the Steel Roses podcast. With candor and depth, Wendy takes us through her challenging upbringing, migration to Australia, and the relentless hurdles she conquered both personally and professionally. From a successful corporate career to founding her own business, Wendy’s story is a testament to the power of perseverance and strategic transitions, especially during midlife.
Unlock the hidden therapeutic power of writing with Wendy as she recounts how putting pen to paper helped her process profound trauma and emotional upheavals, including a traumatic breakup and the intense struggles of menopause. Wendy discusses the societal pressures on women to suppress their feelings and how writing became her lifeline, helping her navigate through anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder. Her narrative highlights the critical importance of acknowledging and genuinely processing emotions for authentic healing and personal growth.
Transitioning careers in midlife can seem daunting, but Wendy’s practical advice sheds light on how to manage this shift with grace and determination. Learn the significance of taking small, consistent steps towards significant change and how to balance financial stability with personal fulfillment. Wendy shares her own experiences of perfecting a dual career path and reconnecting with her true passions through podcasting and career coaching. This episode is packed with heartfelt conversations and actionable insights, aiming to equip you with the tools to navigate midlife transitions confidently and authentically.
Internal Uprising; By Wendy Alexander
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Hi everybody, this is Steel Roses podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. I am very excited to introduce you today to Wendy Alexander. She is a well-respected career transition coach, entrepreneur and former corporate hiring manager, author and mother who is dedicated to helping women rediscover and pursue their heart, work and causes which truly inspire them. With a wealth of lived experience through her own challenges during menopause and midlife, she offers practical, step-by-step strategies to help women identify, plan and execute the changes they want to make to live the kind of fulfillment they've often denied themselves. Her compassionate approach to career coaching is invaluable for women seeking to make positive changes in their professional and personal lives, and her latest book, internal Uprising, charts the journey of her struggles, growth and ultimate triumph during menopause and the many internal and external conditions she had to review and ditch in order to thrive through and beyond menopause to stride boldly into her second act. Wendy, welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's wonderful to be here, Jenny. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's truly my honor and I have to tell you something, and I went back and forth in my head about whether I was going to say this to you because I don't want you to think I'm being a weirdo, but I have to tell you I feel very much like it was almost in alignment in the universe for you to come on this podcast For the top, the subject matters alone. It is isn't critical, but your book, as I was just gushing to you about, I lost my words even reading it, which, as the listeners know, is incredibly hard to do to me because I talk or I work in communications all day long and then I do the podcast that night. I talk nonstop all the time and your book just took my breath away. So I'm so thrilled to have you on. I'd love for you to introduce yourself to listeners and tell them a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 2:Okay, so my name is Wendy Alexander and I'm the principal writer and career coach at my company, happy Career Hub. My journey and my story probably starts way back in South Africa, where I grew up during the era of apartheid, and that in itself was a challenge. And then the family migrated to Australia when I was 20 years old. So I'm going to give away my age. I've been in Australia for 37 years and, look, I've been through numerous challenges. There was an incident in my very first job where I was held up at gunpoint. I was attacked, not raped, but almost raped, probably at the age of I think it was 28. And so I've seen a lot of adversity in my life. And then I had challenging relationship and split up with my daughter's father when I was four months pregnant. So there was a lot going on. I've always sort of had to work my way through various challenge, but I think one of the biggest ones for me was well, probably one of the first big ones for me was breaking up with my daughter's father, having to start all over again, had to sell the house, he walked away, I was left with a debt, and so I had to figure out how I was going to make more money, and that's where the career coaching business started, which was 26 years ago, very part-time. I managed to launch myself into a very good job with my specific frameworks that I figured out by picking the brains of recruiters and hiring people, and so that was one of the first big changes I made to start my life with my daughter as a single parent. And I did very, very well.
Speaker 2:And then along came menopause in my mid-40s. So in my head it wasn't supposed to happen until my 50s and so when it came along, it was incredibly challenging. I was this well-put-together woman, thriving in corporate, earning big money, doing great things, and along comes menopause with all its crazy symptoms, and I was one of those. I mean, not every woman goes through the hard symptoms, but I'd say 90% of women do, because all the women I've spoken to and especially the woman that I spoke to to write the book that I wrote, the research I did it is more common for women to go through some kind of menopausal challenge, whether it's insomnia, whether it's the mood swings, whether it's the hot flashes or all of the above. Um, you know, losing certain things in your body and not feeling as strong as you once did. All of these things come along. So for me the big things was it was insomnia was one of the things, certainly dropping mood levels was another. And then hot flashes. They crippled me because along with my hot flashes came severe nausea. And so every time I'd be in these corporate meetings which were at that time, I was the sole female sitting in this executive level, and so you know I'm running out of meetings because the hot flashes heating the blouses sticking to, you know, my body and I'm feeling like I'm going to throw up.
Speaker 2:And so that happened often, and I realized that there was really no support for women, for midlife women, in that workspace, especially in organizations that are largely led by men. And I wouldn't say it's because men didn't want to support women, because I've certainly had a lot of support in my career growth. So it was always the men in the companies that I work for that opened doors for me and helped forward my career. So it wasn't like they weren't supportive, but they just they didn't understand. Number one and men are very uncomfortable talking about women's business, because I found that even when I had female staff and some of them used to go through bad periods and they needed a day off, especially on day one. They would be scared to go talk to the male bosses and say because you know, guys just start shifting, they get awkward and uncomfortable, they don't know what to say to you.
Speaker 2:So I realized when I was going through that that there was no support for women and it took me on a massive roller coaster ride. I mean, I lost a lot of confidence because I had always been. After all the struggles I've been to, I rebuilt my life and I was quite a confident woman and then all of a sudden I'm not sleeping and anyone who's had a newborn and isn't sleeping. You know you can only do that for two or three nights and then it starts to unravel your thinking, your clarity, everything. And so I felt like I had a newborn. Only I was the newborn.
Speaker 2:I was going through menopause and I'm not sleeping, and quickly became unraveled emotionally. It was going through menopause and I'm not sleeping and quickly became unraveled emotionally. It was going through mood swings like you wouldn't believe, crying at the drop of a hat, losing confidence. It went on for a period of time and then I started having that suicidal ideation as well, which scared the heck out of me Because that, after all, I'd been through and survived, that was certainly not something I thought I would ever think.
Speaker 2:So that was the journey. You know, there was a lot of, as I said, challenges, from the time I was very young, a young child, to a teenager, through young adult years and then. But for me, the thing that really I felt upended my life was was menopause, because it was. I always knew it was coming, but it wasn't supposed to come so early In my head. It was not supposed to happen in my forties, certainly not at age 45. And so I was very unprepared for it and that was kind of where it started for me and I started a journal through that time and a lot of what's in this book is parts of extracts of my journal.
Speaker 1:As I mentioned quickly before we hopped into the episode. As I mentioned quickly before we hopped into the episode, I'm making my way through the book and, like I said, I'm losing my words because I am so in love with it. I think the angle that well, the mental health challenge part of it so it's interesting because you have gone through. I mean, I can't imagine what you went through in South Africa. I can't, and there's no way I'd be able to understand at all that challenge, and that challenge doesn't even do that word justice. And then you have you were assaulted and you were held up at gunpoint, and you've had these moments in your life. That's like, oh my God, somebody would crumble and you were able to manage your way through it, and that alone is like wow, like you really. You still kept going, though, and you made something of yourself, and then menopause comes, and menopause almost takes you out. And the part that shocks me, because I pride myself on being able to also get through things that are difficult and to get through, you know, be able to overcome challenges and challenges again is not the right word, but to know that there's this thing looming for me, perhaps in the next 10 years because I'm 40. I just turned 40 last December, so I'm like to know that this thing is looming.
Speaker 1:And the thing that is crazy to me to focus in on the menopause point is the only things I've ever heard about menopause was the hot flashes. I've heard that Mood swings, but no one's ever said to me that there's severe mental health issues. I was googling before you hopped on, like the suicide rates for women and it's crazy. Women going through menopause are committing suicide at incredible rates and this isn't news and this isn't being taught to us in any way, shape or form. We're told about our first period and how that's, you know, biologically going to happen, but we're not really told a lot about it Because then again, you know those of us who have challenges with our periods, with other diseases and stuff. We're not told about any of this. We're only giving baseline information. Menopause we're told nothing and the only thing we really understand about it is like whatever our mothers and our family passes down to us, because we don't, we don't know. The only reason why I even know about the hot flashes is because my aunt had them. My mom didn't.
Speaker 1:She says that she didn't go through menopause because she had to have a hysterectomy and it was a different kind of situation so she didn't really go all the way through it and it's mind boggling to me that this is a huge issue and it's taking the lives of women who on the regular, were regular, happy, perfectly functional women. So the angle in your book that I'm actually greatly appreciating is well one I like that you call the menopause thoughts alien, because, like I think that like that makes sense to me, because it doesn't feel like you, it feels like these thoughts aren't your own. Um no, I have now like and I'm only I'm turning 41 in December, december 1. And I this year I had said to my gynecologist I was like I wonder if it's like perimenopause, because I have these moments of like severe, severe fatigue where I like literally I have no choice, I have to lay down. And then I have these dark cloud weeks where I can feel it like kind of sitting on my shoulders and they told me you know vitamins to take to supplement to help me, like you know, through it.
Speaker 1:And I've also like transitioned to being like I use the power through the fatigue, like when previously, prior to me going down this journey that I went on, like recently, in the past few years, to really change my life. I used to power through it and I'd be like no, you still need to get things done. Now I go the other way and I literally will tell everyone, like I have to lay down actually, mommy needs to take a rest for like an hour and I'll tell them, like I can't do anything today, I don't feel well. We're ordering food, I'm not doing anything, and so that's one thing I was looking at in your book, where you talk about the alien thoughts and then you also discuss because I'm not all the way done, so you can, you can spoil it for me, I don't mind. But you also talk about the dark, looming thoughts, and are they rooted somewhere within you, and then they just come out at menopause. I thought that was a very interesting angle.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, one of the things I discovered when I started to really journal my way through it, because, as a writer, I've always loved writing and I started doing that at a very young age and I remember making sense of life in South Africa through writing. So I started writing things from the age of six already and I've written a lot of poetry and a lot of dark poetry through the teenage years, when you become a rebel and I was becoming a political activist and all of these things you know, rebelling against the system and what I was seeing around me. I've always written my way through things, and so for a while I was struggling with menopause and then I started to write about it and I realized on any my head I was like why didn't I go back to the writing earlier? Because things were coming out in jumbles. But I was able to look back and start to process and I've always been able to process difficult situations through writing. And so I started journaling and I was noticing certain patterns. There was incredible rage at times and one of the things I identified was that, even though I had seen psychologists after some of my situations, like, for example, when I was held up in the bank. You know, we were put through counseling those of us who, like I, was the person who had the gun pointed to my head and so I was put through intense counseling and then, when I went through the breakup with my daughter's father, I put myself in counseling again. So I had the support.
Speaker 2:But I think that I only scratched the surface of some of the trauma that had happened. And I think when menopause happens, there's I mean, you're losing estrogen levels and all of these things are happening, and so the brain is starting to do different things, and I started to realize that one of the things my brain was doing was bringing right up to the fore the stuff that I hadn't properly processed, because there's always layers that you have to process and sometimes, when you go through counseling, you kind of go I need to get through this quickly. So I've always been that type of goal-oriented person. So it's like, okay, I've got to process my trauma, and so I would approach it very much like I would project manage an information technology project, because I was in project management for years. But that's not the way things work out right, because the moment you try to project manage anything, there's a level of suppression that's going on as well. You're trying to be strong, you're trying to posture. In my case I'm wanting to get through it quickly. Let me just get this over and done with. But the thing is it's not over and done with if you're not acknowledging it properly.
Speaker 2:And what I notice in society for women is that we're always kind of trained from very young to be good little girls. If we're angry or if we're sad, you know it's like display it in a nice way, in an acceptable way. So women are not encouraged to rage, and sometimes we do need to rage to actually get all that emotion out. And menopause came along and literally tapped into that suppressed trauma or parts of the trauma that was still suppressed, and I think that's why it became so overwhelming in the end. You know, it overwhelmed me to the point where, you know, as I call it, the alien of doom was living in my head all the time. As I call it, the alien of doom was living in my head all the time and despite having a really great life, a great partner, beautiful daughter, I couldn't see the wood for the trees. I was like I just felt overwhelmed all the time. There was this darkness hanging over me. It was kind of like you know any of those who've read the Harry.
Speaker 1:Potter movies. You know, it's like the Dementors. Oh yeah, they swarmed in on you.
Speaker 2:I was like, yes, that's it, yeah, and they suck the joy out of. And that's what it was those dark, looming thoughts, overwhelming to the point where they sucked the joy out of my life. There was a lot of good going on, but I couldn't see it because I was processing too much suppressed trauma, not understanding what was happening to my body, not sleeping, going through severe nausea and hot flashes, and so all of these are compounding one on top of the other, and I think that that's a lot for any brain to deal with.
Speaker 1:Did you have a sense that? Because the way it sounds to me is almost like and I think you might be touching on it Again. I'm not done with the book, but it feels almost like in your description of menopause, that a whole new you is actually being revealed to yourself. And in order to and I think that's what I think that's the section I just read where, in order to get to this new version of you, you almost have to get through this and anything worth worth doing is going to be somewhat difficult to get through and your, your book, is actually changing the way I'm looking at menopause, because I have been a little nervous about it, because, I'll be honest with you, your description of yourself I'm laughing over here because that is actually how I've managed things myself Because when I was much younger, when I was in my early 20s, I had really bad anxiety and depression and I lost my sense of self for a couple of years and had an eating disorder that was just really just changing me basically.
Speaker 1:And one day literally this is kind of how it happened One day I just up and decided like I had. I was in a psychology class and the professor said you know, women who start down a path of, like you know, abusive relationships, eating disorders, and he named a couple things. He was like most of the time they can't ever break the cycle and they just do it for the rest of their lives. And in my head I heard this and I was like that's not going to be me. I won't let that happen to me. You need to do that, you need to figure something out.
Speaker 1:And I very systematically found a counselor, went to counseling, did everything. The counselor said it was like checking boxes I'm going to get through, I'm going to, I'm not doing this anymore, I'm checking, I'm doing better now. And like it took about a year of like me turning things around and getting my, my education back on track, graduating from school, doing the whole bit, and then I kind of just took off from there. But I kept it like exactly what you just said. It's always been almost like a project management thing. I'm good at that.
Speaker 1:That's. I do that all the time. So like, yeah, you know, like dealing with trauma has always been very like systematic. To me it's like, okay, I've identified this is the issue, this is how you feel about it, let's acknowledge it and we're going to move on from here. But lately I've been noticing symptoms of things kind of bubbling up from even like when my parents divorced. That I'm like oh, what is this? I'm 40 years old, like what, what is this bubbling up?
Speaker 1:So it was very interesting to hear the comparison in your story because, while it was not that the issues that I'm talking about are really not that much to deal with especially not in comparison to what you've gone through but it still kind of rattles around in my head and I just recently actually reached out to somebody else who had actually been a guest on the podcast and was like I think I might need to talk to somebody to try to help me deal with whatever is happening here, because I'm just noticing some anxiety that keeps cropping up in different situations and I'm like it's kind of strange, like I feel like I dealt with this already, but it's something that's bubbling. So the reason why early on I said I felt like it was very much an alignment for me to talk to you is because as I'm reading your book, I'm seeing, I'm I'm seeing me almost. I think that's what's like. I'm like resonating with it so much because and I think many women will read this and again lose their breath, just like I did because I'm like my God, I'm like this is pretty much every woman's story. You know and I mean you, the things you talk about in here that you went through, and I want to actually highlight one area, because I work in women's health in my daytime job and one of the things that we actually talk quite a bit about and that we're trying to help minimized in the US is shared decision making with patients and healthcare professionals.
Speaker 1:And you talk about how you went to go see your general practitioner. You went in for help about menopause and you really wanted to talk about it and he didn't talk about and I'm going to like quote directly here the one thing. This is from Wendy's book the one thing I did realize when the GP confirmed and entered perimenopause was that he didn't talk about the emotional and mental symptoms like simply hold on emotional, mental symptoms of the menopausal cycle. He told me about the usual physical symptoms, like hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, and even that he skimmed over quickly, obviously uncomfortable with talking about it. It's crazy to me you literally with a healthcare professional and this person should have been the one to say to you this this is going to be challenging ahead of you, but I think the fact of the matter is many of them may not even really realize what what is going to happen, because, as you said, like until you're going through it, you really don't know, and you don't even really know how severe it's going to be in most cases.
Speaker 2:Is that that that's about right? Absolutely yes. So it's a lot of the women I speak. Women go through it in varying degrees. Um, from the research that I've done and I've spoken to a lot of women I eventually did pluck up the courage, obviously because I wanted to write the book, and so I started researching and talking to women, other women who were colleagues, female colleagues.
Speaker 2:I spoke to my mother and I realized that mother's generation and grandma's generation they don't talk about that. They never did. They just went through it. And I remember having this conversation with my mother and it was probably one of the most authentic ones that we've ever had, because she eventually did say to me that she felt very alone through that journey. She knew something wasn't right, but back then you couldn't talk about it. You didn't have any resources, which I still think we're very slim on at the moment.
Speaker 2:Even now in the 21st century, we we're very slim on resources and support, and some of the women that I spoke to shared very similar stories to mine. They went to the GP and the GP shooed them out of the surgery or out of the medical practice within 10, 15 minutes and just said oh, you know, maybe you need to go on HRT or whatever, but nobody spoke about the changes. Because what people I've you know, since doing all the research I've done and looking at some of the doctors that are now speaking more about it there is a drop in estrogen levels which affects the brain. Now most of us didn't know that. That's never really been fully identified until very recently, and so it changes the brain as well, which is why the anxiety comes on and the insomnia and all of these things. And so you know, before you feel like you're coping with life, you're well put together, but then you can't control the drop in hormones that is happening in your body and the effect of that drop on the rest of you. You know emotionally, mentally and all of that. And I think that's where women feel so unsupported, because even I can't remember the name of the doctor, but I've been watching a lot of her things and she's an expert on menopause and she was saying when she was in residency they had one class on menopause and it was skimmed over, it was not taught in detail, it was not discussed in detail. So many of them haven't even been taught how to deal with it. What actually happens with the female body, what happens with the female emotions during that time. So there's that.
Speaker 2:But then there's also, I believe, and certainly what I discovered through my own journey was that suppression, that conforming to societal norms becomes a real challenge for us. In midlife we, through the darkness, start to figure out, like I figured out that I was very low on my priority list. Everyone else was high up there Child, partner, community people, parents, siblings but I was very low on it and I think the suppression that I'd been through, the challenges that I'd been through, there was something that started to roar inside my innards, which was you know, what about me? That's a very important question that women start asking at that midlife stage, but they do more than ask it, because I think we ask it throughout our life. There's moments like when you're a new mother, a new parent, you go, you know you're swamped with all the child caring and child rearing duties and then somewhere in there, occasionally, your voice will say well, what about me? But push it down again, because that's what we've been taught to do. But there's something about, there's something almost sacred, I think, about menopause, and that's why I don't want you to feel discouraged about the journey that's coming for you, because it's actually a very sacred journey and it's a journey that it will. It took me on a roller coaster emotional roller coaster, but it also liberated me Because through the writing, I started to see the pattern like where I'd consistently been suppressing my voice and yet I'm an advocate for everyone else's voice.
Speaker 2:That's why I was a political activist in South Africa. That's why when I was leading teams in corporate and there were a couple of occasions where my team members were bullied and so I would go up against HR and I would be fighting for these people and I was like and then I realized I've never really fought for me, I've never fought for my own voice. It's everyone else's voice and that's what the writing revealed to me. You know, when you reread threads and you go hang on, there's a real common thread here, and the common thread is that I've had this roaring voice inside for a long time, but I just keep pushing it down, whether it's to keep the peace, whether it's to play nice in my communities or in my professional environment. But it's not authentic, because it's not really what I believe or what I want to do in my life. And so that's what I found was the case with menopause.
Speaker 2:It was starting to tap into some voices that I'd suppressed for a long time and some outrage. Like, for example, I was quite outraged that the GP, who was supposed to be the person with all knowledge knowledge he's gone through 10, however many years of university why doesn't he know how to help me, yeah, and why is he shooing me out of his office and saying, oh well, we may have to try HRT, but we won't do it? Just yes, because just yet, because it's early stages, and so on and so on? And I, I was like, hmm, and then when I'm trying to talk to him about the emotional thoughts, he's just not even acknowledging that, you know. So there was a lot of that outrage that was starting to happen.
Speaker 2:But one of the things that I want to say about menopause is that we come through that and we learn. I learned that it was okay to not always be the good girl or to not always conform to certain viewpoints, that my voice was important and that it didn't have to agree with everyone else's voice and I didn't have to conform to the way society said I had to be as a woman and I didn't have to conform to the way society said I had to be as a woman and that it was okay that I had been through all the stuff I'd been through, that I'd come out of it reasonably intact and that the moments when I wasn't intact was also okay. Because that's the stuff that we don't want to acknowledge is that when we're starting to fall apart or we're starting to feel anxiety, we're trying to go oh, but I shouldn't be feeling this way. I should.
Speaker 2:Well, you've been through trauma, whether it's, in your case, an eating disorder, trauma in my case, you know, being attacked, having a gun put to my head, growing up in an awful environment. There's trauma and it's okay to acknowledge that. You don't have to live in the trauma, but you have to know that it somehow has affected you. It somehow has, and sometimes it affects you negatively for a while. It eventually shapes you, because I don't regret anything. I've been through it shaped the woman that's here now.
Speaker 2:But when you're going through it, it is hard and it is okay to actually fall in a heap and cry in the corner, like I did many times during menopause, you know. I finally got to a point where I was okay with falling apart because for years I had not been okay with falling apart. I was staunchly stoic. I'm going to get through this. I'm going to put on the brave face, but I tell you there's a truth that comes with menopause and that's why you'll notice, towards the end of the book I write about it like a sacred journey because it was in the end. The first part of the book is all about the challenging times of it, because it is challenging, but it is also a sacred journey. I think it's where women really get to that point where they put up the boundaries. They also find their voice of where they really feel they can contribute in the world and I've noticed that a lot of social justice that's driven especially by women is driven by midlife women yeah, women that have come through that time.
Speaker 2:I've noticed that as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've noticed as well. You know. It's interesting that you say it like that, that you're framing it like that too, because I don't feel like. I don't feel like I've actually.
Speaker 1:I actually found myself until the last couple of years and that was like late thirties Now, like just turning 40, like when I was leading up to my 40th birthday I was like excited. I was so excited because it felt like I had finally found my footing with the podcast and my calling to really do this to spread the word of yourself and all these other guests that are coming onto the show to help other women. That's really, I mean, the baseline for almost every, for every guest that comes on this show is we. They want to come on because they want to share their story, to help other women, and you've done that not just through your book, but you also through your coaching. So this, the part that you know I want to talk about here too, is through the journey of my life. I had beaten down the corporate path, similar to you, and I got the dream job and I got the dream job and I'm making the good big bucks.
Speaker 1:And then, like a year into it, I was like this doesn't feel quite right and it started to kind of fall apart at the seams and it felt like everything. I'm like I worked my whole life literally for this moment. I'm like, and now this isn't the moment that I really want it to be. And I started that's where you know, the podcast came to be was because I was like I feel like I kept having this nagging calling to do this and it wouldn't go away. Yeah, and I kept kind of put and I was like I'm so busy.
Speaker 1:My husband, when I first told him I was going to podcast, he was like Do you even know how to do that? I'm like I actually have a lot of broadcast experience. Like I know how to do this, I can handle this. But then he was like but the time? And even everyone around me was like but you don't have any time. You have three kids. I have twins that are seven and my son is eight and I work full time and you know I maintain my home, you know all the mom, wife, stuff, I do all the things. And they're like you're gonna take on podcasting like are you nuts? And you know what the Wendy?
Speaker 1:The thing is is that and I've had people say to me you really need me time, you need something for you, where you just are having me time, where you just let loose. And the thing is is that this podcast has become not an area to let loose, but it's become like a cathartic, like these discussions are so important and they bring me so much joy and just even engaging with all of you that this has literally become my me time, like this. Is it right here? But this is also, you know, kind of segueing into, like you know, the 2.0 career path I would. I'm podcasting is like my, my thing. I'm just waiting for it to pick up and go and do its thing. But you also you help women get through this. So we're going through menopause, perimenopause, menopause. Our minds are literally changing right before our eyes and we have no control over it. So it feels like a betrayal of our own bodies because we're losing everything.
Speaker 1:we're losing everything we built up and now we're questioning our career paths because now we're seeing, like you know, I don't think I'm happy with this. So when you're coaching and working with people that are in that scenario, I mean, what are you seeing with women that are going through it?
Speaker 2:Yes, it goes back to women reconnecting to their voices. So I think that because we're such intuitive creatures, we know from quite a young age what we're meant to do. But life gets in the way, responsibility gets in the way. Responsibility gets in the way. I always knew I wanted to write from very young, like the moment my father started reading Shakespeare and stories to me. I was like, how does that happen? I want to be that. So I said that very young to my dad I want to be a writer. But I was always told that there was no money in writing right, and so this is, this is what the family you know, well-meaning friends, even lecturers and things through university they always that was the message you're never going to make a living out of writing. Um, and so I went and got the sensible job, like a lot of women do. We go and get the sensible job, we climb the corporate ladder, and I did climb it fairly rapidly after I created that framework. One of the things I did learn, though, when I started to rewrite my resumes and I started to work with recruiters and hiring people and develop the framework to land good jobs, there was that element of writing. So the resume writing became something that I could do. I'm quite a succinct writer and I'm also a decent storyteller, so I realized I was telling I was writing resumes different. I landed my job that catapulted my income. People came to me and said hey, because they knew my circumstance, they knew the rock bottom I had hit in my life and suddenly they see me six months later or 12 months later really starting to fly. So they came for help. That was where the business was born.
Speaker 2:But I did corporate alongside the side gig of career coaching and resume writing for another 15 years. Wow, so I had the two jobs. One was the side gig and I think that that actually kept me sane through corporate because I really loved it. I really loved shaping up people's stories. I wrote their LinkedIn profiles, I wrote their resumes and I was doing it across so many spectrums and I was like I really love this.
Speaker 2:So I had that thing on the side and my recommendation to a lot of people who come to work with me is that I just want to throw in the towel, especially the midlife women. They're frustrated, they're going through all these awful symptoms and they just want to give up and they want a new career. And I always say to people look, what you don't want to do is put financial pressure on yourself, so you can't just throw in the job. But what you can do is go. Okay, maybe I don't like this job anymore. What could I do?
Speaker 2:And for some people I've had people go and work at a supermarket while they're building their business. They decide I'm going to head in this direction, but I still need money to come in the door. So they don't care what they do, they go and they do a job. That's a lot less pressure, the consistent incomes coming in so that they can pay the bills. Because I tell you something you cannot negotiate a great role or a new career if you're under financial pressure. It will always win. You will not be at your best in an interview. You will not be able to negotiate with a new opportunity, whether it's an opportunity or a new career, if you're under financial pressure. I have never seen anyone do that successfully, which is why I encourage my people who come to me. I'm like no, no, no, we are not just going to give up the job. We're going to work out a way for you to do something that you can then build your business. If you want to build a business, or you can go do a job that's paying decent money, you can pay the bills. It's not your dream job, but we're going to spend the next six months designing the framework to land your dream job. And so then I take them through a whole process to actually get that dream job.
Speaker 2:Because I created a process based on the fact that for me it was the driving factor back then was I need more money. I've got to raise this kid by myself. But once I figured that out it was like okay. Then I was like I'm gonna go into roles that I really enjoy and for me it was all people leadership roles. Like I worked in technology and corporate for you know, 23 years, but I am not a techie person. I'm the worst techie. I have the experts around me that fix up my computers, that do all these things. My partner does a lot of my even marketing stuff, because I'm not the techie kind of social media person. But I am a writer and I am good at helping get the best out of people and framing it up into great stories. So that's what I do and so that's where I started to focus, even when I was in corporate, I really put a lot of my energy into growing people and growing teams, and that's a transferable skill into any industry. So even some of the women that might be sitting there going I hate my job, I don't want to do this anymore.
Speaker 2:Start identifying, I say to people go through your story and the patterns of your story and figure out what is the thread, because there is always a thread that shows you what you do naturally, what you do easily and what you do joyously, and the clue is in that. And so when people come to me, the very first thing I do is take them through a process which I created. It's called mining your story. I still do mining your story every year. I do it between. So from Boxing Day so the day after Christmas to New Year's I do my own mining your story to check in with myself to see am I still finding joy in what I'm doing? Is there something else I can go do?
Speaker 2:So last year I identified I stole live writing above all else. So now I do business copywriting as well. I managed to attract a few small business clients and I write business copy for their websites and their brochures and things. So I figured out a way to make money from my love of writing. I also do coaching and interview coaching and all those things and help people with other processes, but I always go back to my first love, which is writing, and people women will find that there's a thread.
Speaker 2:So the key words is what do I do easily? You know, what do I do joyously? What could I literally do in my sleep? It just comes automatically to me because the clue is in that. The clue is in that and then you find someone to help you frame up. So a lot of people, when they come to me, once we've gone through the mining your story process, we already know the direction that they need to go. Here's about 10 different options you could go in. Okay, what story are we going to frame up? Because now you've got to write your career documents, you've got to position yourself on linkedin and in your resume and in your cover letter on how to sell that talent into a business opportunity or into another job.
Speaker 2:But if you don't go through the process of figuring that out about yourself, you're always going to be floundering. There isn't going to be a definite direction, and I get absolute joy out of helping people do that because people, when they come to me, they haven't even identified the strengths that they have. They haven't even identified the little achievements or the big achievements or the medium-sized achievements that can be framed up as something to sell to someone. And you know, I did that for myself and that's whatever I've done for myself to have the success. That is what I teach other people. I have walked my journey. It's not just something that I talk about. I've done it for myself, I've done it for many people over the years and it comes back to storytelling and identifying what you have to offer, because everybody's got a thread. A lot of them just don't know it.
Speaker 1:What, what Wendy is. So when what Wendy is saying is like 100% on point, listeners, and the reason why I say this is because, as you were outlining this whole process and as you were outlining what you do when you're working with people, I'm in my head going, oh, yep, that's, I did that. Yep, that's where I was and that's where I started, and so, like I well, so I had started out very, very young. I had wanted to help people. That was, that was what I wanted to do. I wanted to help people and I wanted to, in a way, save people and help guide them. That was a big thing for me when I was a kid. And then I grew up, I went to high school.
Speaker 1:Creative writing was a big deal for me in high school. I loved it, loved writing. I was a voracious reader. I started reading at the age of six, writing the whole bit. I was really all the way in. I heard the same thing Writing will make you no money. And at the same time, that's why I started laughing when you said that, like I was really all the way in I heard the same thing Writing will make you no money. And at the same time, that's why I started laughing when you said that. I was like, oh my God, what's wrong with people crushing our dreams? So I started laughing when you said that, but along the same time, when I was being told like writing won't make you any money.
Speaker 1:That's when my parents divorced and at that point in my head I was like, well, writing is not gonna make me any money. I'm seeing what my mother is going through. I don't want to go through that. You're going to get a corporate job like you're gonna. You're gonna just lean into whatever corporate job you can get. And so I have this talent for, as you can tell, for talking and communicating. I like it, I like to do it, I like to talk with people, I like to give speeches, I like to lean into that.
Speaker 1:So when I was going through my college years, I went in for communications, journalism, videography. Lately I took all of the communication courses I could get my hands on. And then I went into marketing and communications for pharmaceutical companies, because at the time I also really loved medicine, but I was no way going to be a doctor. And so there was these little steps all throughout my career, that kind of like. Well, I was like I still love being creative and I can kind of do that at work because it's marketing. So it was fulfilling that need.
Speaker 1:But 16 years into my career it wasn't really fulfilling that need anymore and it was actually draining me pretty significantly. I was about 37 when it started to really bubble that I was like this is not lighting me up. This is actually making me feel really bad. And I had these definitive moments where my kids were really like my little mirrors and they would say to me like Mommy, like why do you, why are you so mad all the time, mommy, why are you so upset, mommy, mommy, and it was always like Mommy, like you're not doing meditations and things like that to try to get me back to like well, jenny, like what did you really enjoy? And I've had.
Speaker 1:I had a manager tell me once like you know, jenny, like when you're on and you're doing something you love, like the clients gravitate to you and it's true, like that's, that's literally like you can see it in my revenue. You know from different agencies that I worked at there. He was like they gravitate to you when you do the broadcast work and when you're working in the studio. And I was like so I had all these little points where I was like I know I love studio work, I know I love broadcasting, but to your point, I'm like I need to make money. I have to bring money home, like we have a home, we have children, like we all need to. You know we need to financially support them. And so what I've done and I want to share this for the women who are thinking about transitioning I still work my daytime job. The listeners hear me talk about that quite a bit where I'm like, oh, daytime job, I still do it, I still give it the attention it needs. But my heart and soul go into the podcast and it feeds me enough that I can sustain the daytime job and still do what I need to do there. And I feel okay about it Because for a while I was getting depressed and I was like I'm this sucks, I don't want to work this job anymore.
Speaker 1:I really want to do podcasting full time, but you know I have to wait until there's enough listeners like to monetize the whole bit.
Speaker 1:There's all this stuff that's involved and it is frustrating when you're in that middle area because you've come so far along in your career. I've been in my industry for 18 years. I'm like I've been doing this for a really long time. I can't leave now because I'm never going to make as much money somewhere else if I just leave right now. So never going to make as much money somewhere else if I just leave right now. So I have to stick it out and, as you said, like I'm like how can I maintain this so that I can be financially, you know, okay, but then also fulfilling the dream on the side? So I've found a path similar to like what you you take and it's wonderful that to hear you talk through your process, because I'm like that's why I said I was like I can guarantee you guys it works. And what wendy's saying is right, because those are literally the steps that I took, like randomly over the last 18 years yeah, well I think, it's important to find you, to find joy.
Speaker 2:You get through. You can get through anything if you steal your moments of joy. Yeah, and for me, when I was in corporate working the high-powered job, I wasn't really joyful. It didn't really jazz me or buzz me, but the career coaching on the side did Watching people transform, watching people get the careers that they didn't think they could get, because we went through a process, and it gave me so much joy. And then there was the writing, because within my coaching there's always the writing side. Now I have created some digital products where I teach people my process, but many people come to me and they want me to write it for them because they go look you, just, I am a wordsmith. We all have different talents and I'm a wordsmith and I can shape a story. Right, that's my talent. I couldn't do great maths if you paid me a million dollars, like, I'm not talented in that way, right?
Speaker 2:But I am talented with words, I am talented with storytelling and branding and things like that. So a lot of people will go through and they'll learn my process and then they'll come to me and I do the editing and proofing for them. So I do the final pass over it, because I shape it up with strong words and people end up getting the interviews. And then they end up, they come and we do coaching together for the interview practice and then they land the job. But I was always so for 20.
Speaker 2:So for 20 well, 15, 16 years out of the 23 years I was in corporate, I was doing my side job and then, as I said, menopause came up, ended, and that was when it was right for me to make the decision. Yeah, mentally, physically, all the stuff that was going, and I was like you know what? I actually don't need to do corporate anymore. I've got a sustainable business. I don't want to work 10 hours a day anymore like I'm used to. So suddenly I was able, and also my daughter was grown, school fees had been paid for, she was starting her own career so the time was right and now I get to do my business full-time and I do it on my terms.
Speaker 2:I love traveling. Traveling is the other passion besides writing. So I've traveled the world, you know, and I've done coaching from various parts of the world. I was in Thailand earlier this year talking to a client because he landed an interview and he was terrified. He's like oh my God, I landed an interview and I know you're traveling Now. The thing is, I will always make time for my clients. If they need to get some support because they're going up for an interview, I'm going to make myself available, even if I'm halfway across the world, because it's important for them to get that practice, to get that job. You know I have boundaries on other things. Yeah, when it comes to that final moment and they're ready to shape up to go in an interview, I make myself available. We get on WhatsApp.
Speaker 1:We've got all these tools now.
Speaker 2:Yes, so I can coach them from around the world. And I've done that. I'm doing my business the way I always dreamed. Now in my head as a-year-old, I was going to be a novelist. I'm still writing my novel. It is taking incredibly long to finish, but I'm doing writing in a different way, so I never thought about resume writing or business copywriting. The thing is that kind of writing does make you money right Now. Maybe maybe the novel, when it's done and published, maybe one day it will make me even more money. I don't know. That's a joy and passion project, but so is the other writing. At the end of the day, I'm telling stories and that's what I always wanted to do. And so, yeah, the parents, they had their, their bits of advice, but I found a way to write and make money out of the writing.
Speaker 1:So there's a way, it's a. It's a beautiful thing that you're doing for your clients.
Speaker 1:And I will say this as soon as your book is released. If you do a pre-book sale like I need a link because I will I'd like to be first in line because I'm just saying you're I mean your writing is so just there, I can't even put a word to it. Your writing is so beautiful and it just tells the story so well and you can tell that it's just naturally flowing and it's. It's amazing. It really, really, truly is, and I mean for you too.
Speaker 1:You took your menopause journey. You took your life journey and you turned it into and leaned into what you really love. And through your book, you're going to help countless women who don't know what's coming, or they're going through it and they're going to read your book and be like, oh my God, this is me. And then you're also doing the coaching and you're helping people to realize their dreams as well, which you're literally helping them to craft their stories. So I mean it's truly amazing all the things that you're doing and you're really, really helping to make a difference in people's lives and that I mean that itself is incredibly empowering and amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, look, I consider myself very fortunate that I get to do what I love doing. But I also will say it did come with, and if I have any bit of advice to give anybody about anything, any transition that you making, any challenge you're going through, it's to be in action about changing it, even if it's a five minute action, because it's the little things that make the difference. Sometimes people think they have to go through this big, grand action gesture, but that's not what makes the difference, because sometimes you can decide on a big gesture or a big action and then you don't achieve it and then you feel like a failure and then you stop. Yeah, I didn't find that that was what worked. It never worked for me. So when?
Speaker 2:But when I took the small actions you know the tiny, tiny actions like, for example, when I, when I was trying to get the the twenty thousand dollars more in income, because that's what I needed to survive the small action was I would go have coffee with the recruiters, with hiring people. Whatever money I could save, I would save and I would go and spend it on having a coffee with these people to pick their brains. So that was the small action, was I'm going to have a coffee with one hiring person or one recruiter once a week. And then I looked at my resume and once I started getting tips from them, I was like my resume is not good enough, it's not going to get me this 20 grand pay rise. So I wrote it and rewrote it, and rewrote it, and rewrote it, like every day, a little bit of something to make it stronger, and make it stronger and test it out, and I would send it to the recruiters and send it and they would go no, it's still not strong enough. You're missing this. You're missing that. It was tiny actions.
Speaker 2:In the end, it was the tiny actions that I did for six to eight months that landed me the bigger income and it exceeded my expectations because I catapulted from needing 20 grand and landing 50 grand in pay rise. So I was like I realized that it's the small steps, and it's the same with any health challenges or anything that I've had. If I take tiny steps, it's more sustainable because as I take the step, if I do an action today and I'm like tick, I've done it and I feel good about it and this is the result that's given me a half-decent result, then I feel like I'm winning and that's what keeps you going. But when you try to take these big, grand actions, it almost always leads to failure because it becomes overwhelming for the brain. And let me tell you, the midlife menopausal brain is already overwhelmed. You do not need to overwhelm it any more than it already is, and so it's the small actions that make the difference, and I want people to remember that, not to be hard on themselves and also to be honest and authentic. Like you know, when people read the book, they will know that, and let me also be really upfront here it took something for me to share the whole journey.
Speaker 2:When I first sent the book to an editor, she was an amazing woman and she said to me something's missing. And I'm like what? And she said I don't know, there's something missing from this book. And then she said how did you get through the whole thing? I said, well, I wrote a journal. I've got 10 journals about it. And she said do you think you can share some of what's in the journal? And I was like, no, it's a bit too personal, it's a bit too. You know, it's going to make me look really bad, it's going to make me look unhinged. And she said, wendy, that's the true story. Yeah, and so you'll notice throughout the book there's extracts from my journal how I felt, how bad I felt, what I was really struggling with. And when it went back to her for the final edits, she said that is the book. Yeah, that is the book.
Speaker 2:So, vulnerability being authentic, understanding that you don't have to be well put together all of the time, that it's okay, it's actually okay to fall apart. You know, seek the help that you need. Seek the support that you need. Get under the doona. I did a lot of doona dives. I call them.
Speaker 2:I was under that doona during that time, but it was just acknowledging that I wasn't up to whatever it was that people needed of me, and learning to say no, I didn't stay there forever. That's the key. Don't stay there forever, but give yourself that moment, you know, or moments if it's more than one moment.
Speaker 1:Wendy, thank you for that. And and I have to tell you, the journal parts are part of. I love that because you're, I mean, the editor was spot on with that. That and the insights at the end of the chapters. Yes, I have to tell you the insights at the end of the chapters. Yes, I have to tell you the insights at the end of the chapters. I was so excited about those. I keep putting little sticky notes by them because it helps pull it all together, especially for those of us who are getting a little brain fog. To be perfectly honest, honestly, that was a great part. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself on this podcast and in the work that you're doing, for for sharing so much of yourself on this podcast and in the work that you're doing. I can't tell you how excited and honored.
Speaker 1:I am that you're here recording with us today and, yeah, I thank you so much. Listeners, I hope you, I hope that you are hearing this episode, and if you yourself are going through menopause or if you know someone who's going through menopause, I strongly would recommend, like, let them listen to the episode. I'm going to include links to Wendy's book and to her services also in the description so you can access Wendy, because I want to make sure that you guys are supported. Wendy, thank you so much for being on with us today. I greatly appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's an absolute pleasure, absolute pleasure.
Speaker 1:And listeners. We'll see you on the next one, Take care.
