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Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
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Steel Roses Podcast
Marysol James on Transforming Adversity into a Best-Selling Romance Writing Career
How does one transition from the high pressures of academia and management to becoming a best-selling romance novelist? Our guest, Marysol James, did just that. After a life-altering cancer diagnosis and the loss of her job, Marysol discovered a new path through writing, encouraged by friends during a virtual writing camp. Her debut romance novel unexpectedly became a bestseller, opening the door to a successful career with 30 published books and six best-selling series.
Tune in as we explore Marysol's fascinating journey from teaching English and managing an expat magazine in Warsaw to taking on significant roles in the publishing industry before returning to her true passion of writing. We delve into how early experiences, like writing as an emotional outlet during challenging family times and witnessing a parent's financial struggles, profoundly shaped her career choices. Marysol’s story highlights the delicate balance between creative passion and financial stability, and the pivotal role self-publishing platforms like Amazon played in her success.
Marysol’s narrative is more than just a success story; it's a testament to resilience, determination, and the power of stepping outside one’s comfort zone. We discuss how she overcame imposter syndrome, leveraged management skills to outsource and delegate effectively, and rediscovered her passion after adversity. This episode offers invaluable insights into reclaiming personal power and making courageous career choices, providing inspiration for anyone facing their own challenges or seeking a new direction in life.
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Hi everybody, this is Steel Rose's podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. I am thrilled to introduce all of you to Marisol James. She is a romance writer with 30 books published to date, spread over six best-selling series. She landed in this career utterly by happy accident and by doing so learned the value of deviating from a set path and embracing opportunities outside of the box. She has blazed her own path and success, emerging from an abusive relationship, finding her dignity and strength. Marisol, welcome to the show, hi.
Speaker 2:Jenny, it's good to see you again.
Speaker 1:So, marisol, why don't you let the listeners get to know you a little bit, share part of your story? I think they'll probably be very interested in where you started and how you ended up in romance writing, and then the parts of your story, that where you found yourself again after getting a little bit lost.
Speaker 2:Okay, sure, well, I'll just jump right into how I got into romance writing. But that requires going back a little bit about why it's such a surprise that I ended up in romance writing. By the way, that is a cute mug. I love that, mama bear. Thank you, yeah, I gotta get me one of those, okay, anyway, I was raised in a small town in Canada and it was always just assumed that I would go into academia or law.
Speaker 2:I am, you know, law school. I might be university professor. I ended up getting my master's degree in international law and business. So I started out my professional life very much in upper management and working overseas. I had management positions in China and then in Hong Kong and then eventually in Poland, where I ended up getting married and having two small children. And I was kind of at the top of my game.
Speaker 2:When I lived in Warsaw, I was the chief operational director of Central and Eastern Europe for a publishing company based in France, and I was diagnosed with cancer for the second time in my life. The first time was when I was a child, and this time around I was a married woman with two children and an incredibly high pressure management position from which I was immediately fired upon my diagnosis. So suddenly there I was extremely ill, flat on my back from chemotherapy more times than I was not, and I had literally nothing to do. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to be. I felt like I had kind of lost everything I'd ever worked towards professionally in one fell swoop. But that wasn't really my priority at that time. My priority was my family and my health. So it just so happened that around the same time that I was fired, there was a thing called NaNoWriMo, which is National Novel Writing Month, and they had opened up sort of a summer camp to writing.
Speaker 2:And I was placed in this virtual cabin with two other women named Angie and Ruby, and the three of us really bonded just really well that I had to write a book that I'd been working on for a while not romance, contemporary literature, quite heavy, quite dark and I finished it because you know I was going to work, I had nowhere else to be. So and I said to them listen, I still have two weeks of this virtual summer camp. I need something else to do to finish out the camp. And they said well, why don't you write the exact opposite of anything you've ever written in your life, being academic, writing a master's thesis about the International Red Cross, writing budget reports and then writing this heavy sort of dark novel? Why don't you try writing a romance? And I said that's utterly ridiculous. I've never even read a romance. I wouldn't know where to begin. So they said that's the point. Like that's exactly the point. Okay, just think of it. Like your mental health break. So I said okay, and between the three of us we came up with this sexy cowboy romance plot, you know, and I laughed the whole way through it. I laughed for two weeks and I wrote it in two weeks. I finished it and then I said to them okay, well, that's done.
Speaker 2:And Angie and Ruby said, no, you have to publish it. And I said why would I publish this thing? That was just, you know, it was just, it was almost a joke. And they said, no, no, publish it, publish it. So I did. I published it, self-published it on Amazon and kind of forgot about it for a couple months. And then one month I noticed there was money coming into my bank account like royalties. So I went to my Amazon profile, my author's profile, and this thing was a best-selling beach read that summer and to this minute. Jenny, I don't know who found it first, I don't know how it was found, I don't know how these people told other people about it, but I sold tens of thousands of these things, this one book that I wrote in two weeks.
Speaker 1:You didn't do any promotion for it. You did no promotion for it.
Speaker 2:You just, I told nobody, I, you know nothing. Um, and I thought, oh my God. So I told, I told Angie and Ruby. I said, guys, you're not going to believe. And they said, well, okay, no, no, you have to get on. Like, start a Facebook page. I said why would I start it? She said because people be looking for you. You have to, you know. So I said fine, fine, fine. So I started a Facebook page and one of the first things when people found me there they asked me was when's the next book coming out? And I thought there is. There is no next book. That I mean, there was barely a first book, Don't you people understand? This thing was just something I did to pass the time while I was flat on my back from chemo, right, but, um, I said, okay, well, whatever, I'm still, I'm still flat on my back and you can write in bed. Just put your laptop on a pillow. So I wrote book two and this time I actually did promote it. I said, like on Facebook, I put the link. I said available now became a bestseller. Um, and then I it was. It was the exact same thing again. Is there a book three? And I'm thinking, oh my God.
Speaker 2:But I did write a third book and then I got a bit tired of the sexy cowboys on the ranch, so I started a new series about MMA fighters and these guys who own a karate training MMA gym. I wrote a couple of those. They became bestsellers and by this point I'd kind of written five books in about seven months and by this point I was well again. So I said to my husband I said, well, I need to go find a new management job, because this is all I had been doing was management, management, management. And I started looking. And then, you know, I went for a couple of interviews and then I kept looking at my royalties, like I kept looking at the sales.
Speaker 2:And one day I sort of said to myself why am I killing myself to try to get into a field that I don't have a great feeling about right now in terms of how I was so betrayed by the fact that I was just let go like that and I felt really vulnerable about it. And I thought to myself, why am I killing myself, trying to get back into a field that I'm not that confident about anymore? And I mean, I'm doing really well. I have these fans. I have people who buy my books. I have a sort of library that's being sort of built up slowly. I can work from home. I can I do what I want. I answer to myself if my kids need me, if they're sick, I'm here. I don't have to beg a boss for time off or anything. And I thought why am I looking for a full-time job? I think I have a full-time job.
Speaker 2:So when I say I fell into it by accident, I mean that literally it just came out of nowhere. But it's what I've done for the past few years. And actually I just published my 31st book three weeks ago. So now it's 31 books. Yes, congratulations, thank you. So that's what I do now. I'm a romance writer and I never play and, honestly, if it hadn't been for Angie and Ruby, all the credit has to go to them, because if they hadn't said, why don't you just do it? Like what's it gonna hurt? Like what's the worst that can happen? You write a crappy romance book, nobody reads, and I thought, okay, fair enough, right, fair enough. And that's how it happened, exactly like that.
Speaker 1:I love that part of your story so much because it's the perfect definition of you were experiencing these. I don't want to call it burdens, but you were having these like really intense experiences in your life. When you look back at like the trajectory of like how things happened, can you pinpoint moments where you were like, oh, that was an aha moment. That was like, oh, go this direction. You know, like there must have been little moments that kind of pushed you Like how did you end up in your, your um, the camp, the summer camp, writing program? Like there must've been like little moments where you deviated, because that's where, like I think, people get hung up in this particular thing because everyone's waiting for this big sign that's like do this and and that's not how it works exactly. Like sometimes it's like a very small thing that happens in January that affects the decision you make in like March. So was it something similar?
Speaker 2:for you. Well, it's kind of interesting that you bring that up, because the truth is, I always wanted to be a writer, ever since I was very small. I really wanted to write and I was not really. I was encouraged to be a writer, but I was encouraged to write in certain ways. My teachers encouraged me to write, especially back then, because I'm 52. Back then, when I was 10 years old, in order to make a living as a writer, you really had to have an agent, you had to be signed on to one of the big publishing houses. You needed to really just have all of that on your side and self publishing with Amazon and I know there are a million reasons to have a problem with Amazon, but I can say, as a self published writer, they changed the game for people like me, where I didn't need to go out and have a team whose approval or validation or support I had won over. I could just do it. Anybody can self-publish on Amazon, anybody. So sort of.
Speaker 2:Getting back to your original question, I always felt a pull to being a writer. Always felt a pull to being a writer, but it just wasn't something that was as possible then as it is now. So instead, I wrote a lot at university. I made my thesis about four times longer than it had to be, just for the experience of researching and writing. I still have my thesis. I did the same thing. I love my thesis. Every once in a while, you know, I'll read it. I'll maybe read it once a year and I'll think damn, this was really well written, you know, and it was just. It was something that I always expressed myself better in writing. I'm not great expressing myself verbally still, but if I'm in a relationship with somebody or I'm trying to say something important, I always have to write it. I would prefer to send it and then talk about it after, as opposed to trying to broach the topic verbally first, because it doesn't tend to go very right. So I just had all these little tugs on my sleeves.
Speaker 2:And then it was interesting because I got into writing. I became sort of a freelance journalist. I was teaching English, but I was also looking for a bit of extra money, maybe meet some new people. So I sent a short article into this magazine in Warsaw for expats. It was an English language magazine, one of the first in the city, and I just submitted an article. They were looking for new writers and I was immediately accepted. So then I was actually being paid to write for the first time in my life. And then when the editor-in-chief left, they immediately came to me and said you take over as editor-in-chief because you're such a strong writer but you also have a bigger picture mentality. So then I got into management and publishing and then I left that and I got the chief operational director job in Warsaw, but for a French company, but it was a publishing house director job in Warsaw, but for a French company, but it was a publishing house.
Speaker 2:But by then I was more like managing teams of people. I wasn't so much writing, I was working in publishing. But I was the person responsible for the team, responsible for the sales, responsible for the budget, responsible for the advertising, the promotion, whatever. I was the face of the thing, and there was very, very little writing.
Speaker 2:But especially working as the editor-in-chief of that magazine for four years, I got such an education in publishing, something beginning to end, because if you're just the writer, you submit, you're done, but when you're the editor in chief, you're responsible for every moving piece. And being a self-published writer now, I'm responsible for every moving piece, everything from what's written, to how it's edited, to the cover concept, to the entire series concept. It has to have a thread that makes sense to the promotion, to the sales, to showing up at events, to doing things like this. I mean, it's all down to me and I can honestly say that taking that job as editor-in-chief gave me this amazing overview of not just the writing but everything around it and it has served me so well and at the time I never would have thought you know, in 15 years time you're going to need all of this stuff to take care of your own books, beginning to end.
Speaker 2:But it's just one more thing that felt so right. It felt so right to be in publishing. It felt better than anything else. And I feel like when I deviated off the path into that publishing house but just running the show for them at a management level, I never really felt right in it. And as soon as I was booted out of it forcefully and I returned to writing this time full time, it feels right. It's the most right feeling I've had since I was editor-in-chief of the magazine is it's not just the writing. For me it's everything around it, it's all the, it's the whole concept of a book that feels really right to me and it's something that, if I look back, I can see the moments where I got my experience and my knowledge. I just didn't know what I was getting it for at the time I have.
Speaker 1:it's interesting because I had I had always been a creative writer and I think we talked about this when we were like last chatted we did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was young when I was young, like starting like I was in, like maybe like fourth grade, fifth grade, I started doing creative writing and I used to get these bursts of just like ideas and I would be. You know, back then in the nineties it was my little hand scribbling on my, in my notebooks, like trying to get the idea out before I lost the lost, the sensation. And I remember the one time I was like scribbling like furiously at the dinner table and my older brother came over and he was like bothering me, he was trying to get my attention and I remember I don't remember if it was my mom or my dad, but one of my parents interrupted him. They were like she's having a like, leave her be, she's inspired by me for alone, like, let her, let her do her thing.
Speaker 1:And all the way from like fifth grade all through into high school, I I loved it. I used to do like the, like the high school published works and I would go to Barnes and Noble to read, like my poems, and I also used it. At the time my parents were going through a divorce and they were separating and it was it was devastating for me, so that became my outlet and that's similar to what you said. Like that was how I was able to put my feelings like someplace, cause I didn't know where else to put them. So it came out in a lot of my writings and my parents cause they're my parents still have packets of like poems and stories and like all this stuff that I wrote.
Speaker 1:The unfortunate thing that happened in my journey, cause I had wanted to be a creative writer for forever and I was like this is what I want to do, this is where my passion is. With my parents, divorce also came. You know, a trauma response for me, where I was like I'm seeing what they're going through and, while I love this, I don't think it's going to make me money Because, again, like this is the you know, late nineties, at this point, early two thousands, self-publishing was not a thing and to me, to myself, I was like I need to make sure that I'm never in that situation that my mom's, in my mom was a stay at home mom, so she had nothing really, so when there was the separation she, you know, financially worse off she yes, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Because they were separated for financially worse off. Yes, absolutely. That's a huge lesson for a young woman.
Speaker 1:I observed this and I was very close to her during that time because I felt a responsibility to take care of her because she was falling to pieces For me. As you said, I saw this and I was like I think I was about 14 when they separated and I immediately was like I need to make sure that I'm making money because, you know, if this were to ever happen to this can't happen to me, like I need to make sure that I'm self-sustainable and so I completely dropped, yeah, I completely dropped my whole idea, all these beautiful ideas.
Speaker 1:I had totally dropped them and said I'm going to go corporate, I need to make money. And, similar to what you said, after college, when I started working, I started in event planning and I found my way eventually into marketing and communications for pharmaceutical companies and that's where I've stayed for 18 years because I had there was this part of me that could be creative at work. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but it was a part of me that still felt like I can still use some of my creativity here. And only until the past, like three or four years, did I feel like that. You know that was fulfilling that need, because now I have that itch, that's like I need to do something else. And that's how the podcast came to be.
Speaker 1:But it's very interesting to hear how, how your story kind of unfolded, because I think a lot of women have these pivotal moments and when you really think back, like where was your passion before? Like yeah, you're doing what you should be doing, what you feel like you have to do right now, but your passion is really what would light you up, that's what's really gonna, that energy and that feeling like where you were just saying. You were like this is the most right you've ever felt. That feeling is you being in alignment with your purpose, and that like, that sensation is saying, saying to you like this is your path. You're gonna generate the most income with this path, because it's it excites you so much and it puts you in such a good space.
Speaker 2:Well, it's interesting what you said about when you were going through your parents' separation and divorce, how you were writing a lot. It became your outlet. I mentioned that I had cancer once before as a child. I was nine when I was diagnosed with cancer and I actually ended up living in the hospital for three years. It took them that long to kind of sort me out and um, and that I was at that time I was still going to school, because you have to attend school. You can't just drop out of school for three years, so you go when you're able.
Speaker 2:And my teacher was so, um, I was such a big reader, even as a child. I've always been a reader, and she also encouraged me to write. And so when I was able to write during that three-year period, I wrote a whole short novel about a girl living in the hospital and of course it was like fiction, but it wasn't fiction and it wasn't written in the first person, it was written in the third person. But it was definitely me and of course my doctor was very recognizable and the nurses were very recognizable, but it was never meant for anybody to read except me and my teacher. It became kind of our project.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know I regret. I don't know where it is Because after my parents separated and divorced, there were a lot of house moves and now my father has passed away and my mother is very unwell, so I don't know where it is, but a part of me I wish I could see what my 9, 10, 11, 12 year old self was making of that time in my life. But again, it's just one more example of I should have been writing all this time. This is what I should have been doing, and the whole management thing was partly out of keeping my parents happy because they really wanted me to be a lawyer or something, because they wanted me to be safe. They weren't motivated. It's like let's crush her spirit, let's make her a corporate drone. It wasn't that. It was legitimate worry of how is our daughter, who is bright and optimistic and a little bit naive, how is she going to survive in the world if she doesn't have a steady paycheck? And they were really worried about that and I can look back and be resentful of the fact that they didn't support me. Or I can look back and say I'm a 52 year old woman. I have two teenage boys.
Speaker 2:If they came to me and said I want to be a full-time vlogger and this is where I'm going to get my money. I'd be like why don't we you know, bank a little bit on? Why don't we go find a job? You know what I mean and I can see where the motivation comes from, which is everybody needs to earn a paycheck. You just do, and the fact that I've kind of taken this sort of you know, I'm you know, meandering sort of not very direct path back into writing, the fact that I make money from it is an incredible surprise and bonus, because I just wasn't raised to think you could. But, like I said, being self published, especially as a romance writer, changes the whole game. So that's where I can honestly say thank you to Amazon for setting up the self-publisher platform, because without it I don't think I could know that they were there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, honestly, as soon as you said it, I see you and I will talk and I will set you up on it and we'll get you, because if you're, if you'd like to get writing again, I I'll be your biggest fan, I'll buy whatever you publish.
Speaker 1:You know, I have to tell you, you know it's, it's interesting.
Speaker 1:I don't. I don't know what it is. It happens a lot with the podcast because this is and I've said this to other guests I'm like I'll be in like kind of like. You know, you know it because you're an entrepreneur, you get the imposter syndrome A it. Because you're an entrepreneur, you get the imposter syndrome. A lot of the guests that come on. We talk about it in the offline conversations where when you're rolling on something by yourself, it's very easy to get that imposter syndrome feeling where you're like what am I even doing here?
Speaker 1:I love the podcast. Everyone who comes on knows it. I love doing this. I love interviewing all of you because I want to share your stories. This is so important to me. Love interviewing all of you because I want to share your stories. This is so important to me. But I always get those feelings of like, is this what I'm supposed to do? You know, like, am I even doing this right? Is anyone listening? Is it important? Is it significant? And over the past couple of weeks I've also been thinking to myself because I had some other conversations with guests where I was like I wanted to tap into something else and I was trying to find exactly what it might be, and you're like for the fall series, I think you're like the sixth or seventh author to come on and tell me that they self-published.
Speaker 1:And I'm like, and I, marisol, as soon as you started talking, I was like and you said Amazon. I paused and I'm like Amazon and I wrote it down. I'm like because I've been waiting for this little light bulb. I often wait for these little light bulb moments and this felt like it just now. I was going to ask you anyway, after we recorded it, because it is something that I've always thought about and my husband even said to me he says to me all the time he's like you know, you should write a book. You're like you're interviewing all these authors, like why don't you find something? And I literally like an idea just popped into my head and I was like I'm going to have to ask Marisol when we hop off, like what's the process? Because I think that it's there and that's the other thing, that, the other thing I want to highlight from your story outside of me being excited about this, because I had this like aha moment just now which listeners, just so you know like I go with aha moments, like your instinct and your intuition. When you have those like little sparks in your head, lean into it, because that's usually like something big that you have to really try out. So, side note to all the listeners if you have a spark, go with it.
Speaker 1:Marisol, what I was going to say to you is your story leading up to you self-publishing the romance novel, which was like totally outside of what anything you would have done. You had the, while your parents did push you maybe in a direction you didn't necessarily want. All of those steps actually prepared you more, I think, for what you're doing right now, because now you're on your own, self published, you have the wealth of knowledge as an executive that that's a big deal like pulling from that executive background to help you move along. Because even for the podcast executive background to help you move along, because even for the podcast I have marketing experience and I have broadcast experience in my professional life and while it's not an industry that I necessarily want to really be in anymore, I got this great project management experience. I've got this great client services experience.
Speaker 1:You know I've cultivated a lot of other talents pulled from jobs that are not creative and it's actually helped me to develop like I launched a, had a podcast guide earlier this year and that was really pulled together based off of all of my broadcast management experience all of my you know and all of my project management experience and of my you know and all of my project management experience and I packaged it up for like podcasters because I'm like this is a big deal.
Speaker 1:Like I can, I can really help other people get through this. So it's interesting, like to be able to really look at like well, where have I come from and what can I do with what I already have, and then you'll also see, like you said, like there's through lines that you can probably pinpoint to say like oh well, I've always really liked, I liked writing. You already knew you liked writing, you were really great at it for corporate, and then you kind of just like kept pulling that string, you know, and like you got to unravel this like great new thing for you to do, which is like truly amazing. I can't believe you put it on Amazon and then you forgot about it, kind of, and just let it there.
Speaker 2:I did Well because I had published I had self-published a collection of short stories and I had self-published a book the first book in this series about this Canadian town and it's very dark and heavy and dramatic. So this book, the one that I told you about it was the second one in the series and there's supposed to be a book three, but I've just never gone back to it. You know, there just hasn't been. The part of me is thinking I really should go finish that trilogy. But that writing the short stories and the two books, I'm so incredibly proud of that writing because it's it's good writing the short stories and the two books. I'm so incredibly proud of that writing because it's good writing. They're good stories. It's a good drama. It's based in Canada, which my romance isn't.
Speaker 2:My romance is based in the States, so it just feels like a very personal collection of books, collection of books. However, it just doesn't sell, although my writing has been professionally reviewed not my romance, my non-romance and proper, real reviewers love it and say stuff like why is this book not a bestseller? Why has nobody heard of this woman? Why is she not? And I felt sort of discouraged by that because I thought, well, why. I mean, I put my heart and soul into these books and nothing came of it.
Speaker 2:And then what? I write a romance in two weeks and this is where the money's coming from. So what? I kind of the way I've come to terms with all of that because you could say, well, if I'm not going to do my real writing, then I don't want it. I think that's just cutting off your nose to spite your face. I think the answer is to do the surprise thing very well and I do make a point of writing romance very well. It's really important to me that my stories make sense, that my characters have proper development, that when you have a series of eight books or five books, a couple of minor five, a couple of minor eight the one I'm working on now will be 10, that there is actually a thread through the entire series that builds and builds and builds and builds. So you can consider each book a standalone, of course, for that particular couple's love story.
Speaker 2:But there is something going on around that story or they're in a situation that came from the previous three books that's being advanced over the next five. I love that. I take my romance seriously in terms of the writing and the plot and the characters and the subjects. I write contemporary romance, so I write about cancer, losing medical insurance, where you're bankrupt because something happens and you have to come up with the money quickly. I write about abuse. I write about alcoholism. A lot of my characters are former soldiers and they're coming back from war zones and they're physically, emotionally, psychologically traumatized and what they're trying to go into a relationship. You know how does that look.
Speaker 2:So it was really important to me that I adjust my self-perception because there was this sense of I worked really hard to get a master's degree in international law and business and I'm writing smut for a living. There's this weird sort of thing that happens in your head and I thought to myself don't think about it that way. That's really unfair, because all of my experiences have brought me to this point. There's a reason that I'm disciplined enough to self-publish. There's a reason that I've written 31 books. It's because I'm a hard worker and there's a reason they sell so well, it's because I'm a good writer, so I shouldn't diminish my accomplishments just because you know, oh, you write smut and you have a master's degree. Like what happened? Well, actually, something great happened, something awesome happened, but yeah, it just. It's one of those things that you can choose how you're going to look at it, and you're quite right. I've chosen to take all of my management executive experience and put it into this thing that I love and do. Well.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I have the work ethic and I understand how budgets work and I understand about breaking things into small chunks and time management, and I definitely understand about outsourcing. If it's something I cannot do, I just I find somebody who does. I have no problem handing parts of my project over to trusted people, something I'll I'll say to someone else. Send me the invoice, please. You do it I. This is beyond me and I have no problem with that as well. You need a little bit of humility if you're going to be a good manager.
Speaker 1:I was going to say you know, I was going to say that's actually a very interesting quality that you're highlighting there, because you are willing to say, to admit, like I don't do this well or I don't know how to do this. Let me get the person that can actually do this really well, as opposed to going down a rabbit hole for like Lord knows how long trying to figure something out. I recently had I had a guest recording done and again in the off conversations we were talking through this particular service that we were both in to help build up like our business, and I said, oh, I spent for the pulling together how to podcast guide. It's a digital course. And I was like I spent like four months learning the system and building the system.
Speaker 1:And the woman I was interviewing she was like why did you do that? And I was like, well, I just do it. I've always operated that way. And she was like why didn't you just ask them if they had somebody that would do it for you? You could have paid them. And I was like, well, I don't know. And then she told me because there's all these other steps I still have to complete and she was like you should just reach out to their customer service, ask them who they have available to help you. She was like you. Obviously have to pay for it, but that will free you up.
Speaker 1:And, marisol, I can't tell you how much time I spend learning stuff myself. There's a large part of me that always wants to have the skill. But now I'm at a point in like my journey where I'm like I don't really need to build any more skills here, like I don't need to know about web design, like I can pass that along.
Speaker 1:You know there's certain things that I do that I'm like I don't and I and I get. I get people reaching out to me all the time Like do you need support for your marketing or do you need support for, like, your SEO and all that stuff, and I'm like, no, no, I know how to do it Technically, I do, I know how to do all of it, but like the time part of it and the actual management part of it it's. It would be much better for me to outsource that. So I want to recognize you for that, because I think that's also something that a lot of women, myself obviously included have issues with is like raising your hand and saying I don't necessarily know how to do this, like let me see if I can get someone else to help support it. So I think that's wonderful that you do that.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you. It is actually something that. This is why, after this is done, you and I are going to talk like outside of the studio. I'm going to teach you how to set up your self-publishing and, if you need help, I'm going to teach you how to set up your self-publishing, and if you need help.
Speaker 2:I want you to ask me because I am happy to help you. I'm happy to help you, and if you want someone to help you with your book or do some proofreading for free, please ask me. I'm happy to help you Because I feel like, as women especially women with our background, where our parents separated or divorced young and there is still this sense in us of I cannot be helpless, I cannot be vulnerable, I cannot be seen as struggling. There's always this sense in us that we have to be on top of our game because if we're not, holy crap, what might happen to us. And there's a lot of fear. A lot of this is motivated by fear of being. Well, helpless, I suppose, is the word, and so that's why I admire people who will go down the rabbit hole and learn a lot.
Speaker 2:And I did all that on the job though. All the skills I'm using now between the writing and the editing and the cover design and the visuals and all of that. I learned that on somebody else's dime, I was being paid to learn those skills. If I had to learn them now, things like social media, I don't know, I don't care, I'm not interested.
Speaker 2:But my son is very good and he's at school right now. He's at college here in England for film and photography. So I'm like I've got in my house, I've got a kid who understands TikTok, who understands Instagram, is being taught how to create visuals and knows what to do, and he can do little movies and stuff for me. So I said, sweetie, I will pay you, consider this kind of your skill building, right Learning on the job. And so I've literally just thrown it at my 18 year old son. I've said it's yours, the football is yours. My ex-husband designed a lot of my covers for me. I've redone them all, but I knew his skillset. He designed my original website. I've had it redesigned since, but I knew his skill set.
Speaker 2:So I really believe in I'm the writer and I need to focus on the writing and I can do certain parts of it and I'm happy to do certain parts of it, but there are other parts of it I just feel like will take away from the writing, not add, or I'll feel more burned out and that's not good for my creativity. So I totally understand where you're coming from about. You want the skills, you want to have that control. I understand that as well. But at some point we have to sort of open our hands and say you know, jesus, take the wheel, let somebody else do this. Yeah, so yeah, there's. There's nothing wrong, I don't think, with knowing stuff. There is, if it's taking away from what we really want to be doing, right, exactly and that and that's actually the, the like.
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm at that precipice right now personally, with like the podcast and then like the offshoot, like me having this like inspiration to want to write again. Because for the podcast, like I talked about it on like one of the summer series episodes and I was explaining, I'm like it's actually quite a bit of work because there's the recording calls that well, there's the intro calls, you know all the guests have a have a touch point with me, and there's the recordings themselves. And then I edit all the recordings, I put the promotional packages together for the marketing of the actual episode itself. I do, I pull the copy together, you know, like there's, and so for each individual episode there's probably about three hours of work behind every single episode. And my goal for August and it's August 31st, so I haven't actually reached my goal, but this weekend.
Speaker 1:This weekend we don't have any guests. I'm like I'm going to hit it hard this weekend. My goal before September started was to get all of the fall series edited and up and running and scheduled, because I wanted to take the fall to be able to focus in on other projects and like not have to every week be like figuring stuff out.
Speaker 1:So right now I'm like I have everyone done for September and October, so I just have about six episodes or seven episodes left for the fall series. Like to get them up and running. And that's where my head is going is like, wow, there's, there is a lot of behind the scenes work that I do, because I do everything myself. I could probably start, you know, repurposing some of the budget that I use for other things to focus in on. Like maybe I hire someone to help me out, so that way you know the winter spring series that gets recorded and released. Like maybe I hire someone to help me out, so that way you know the winter spring series that gets recorded and released. Like perhaps I'm not gonna be the editor for those, you know. Like that's where I'm going with this. Now I'm like I do all the things right now. I don't necessarily need to anymore. I already know how to do it.
Speaker 2:Well, what you do is you find, like my kid is 18. He'll be 18 in October and he's at college for exactly this kind of thing. So what you do is you find a young person who's eager and they're on a different wavelength than we are, because they're learning this stuff in the moment, right, and they're just looking for a chance to have an experience, have an experience. So just find a kid, find a young person who's creative and interested, and just throw some money at them and you're the first thing they can put on their CV in terms of creative work and you're going to be helping a young person. Take that first step. And it takes a little bit off you as well, which is always great, cause, even if you don't put it towards your work, you have a family, so you can always put it back into them somewhere, like we can always. We, if we had an extra two hours a day, I'm sure we could find something to do with it, all of us.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely Right, you know it's something that my my cousin and I joke about quite a bit is we can't remember what we did before we had all of this, before we got married, before we had kids, before she's a professor now. Our schedules are always wild and we always joke around. We're like what did we do when we were single and and young? Like where did I?
Speaker 2:what did I do with my time?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm like this is wild. I love, by the way, that I want to mention this too I really love that you are involving your son in in your work and what you're doing and giving and it is kind of giving him a leg up because it's giving him this experience of like you can do this and it's giving him confidence. My, my kids, my kids are very impressed with the podcast. They don't really I don't think they really know what it is exactly, but because they're so young the twins are seven and my son is eight but they get like they're, they're very they're proud of the fact that mommy has this, this thing. And it's funny because, like occasionally in the car, like if I want to spot, check an episode or two, like I do this occasionally where I'll like go into my own podcast and I'll play and kind of just scroll through the episodes and whenever I do that and they hear my voice coming out of the car, they're always like, mommy, that's you.
Speaker 1:I'm like, yeah, podcast, yeah. And then I show them. Like you know, because I've been interviewing so many authors, like I've been buying everyone's books, because I'm like I can't help it with the books, like I buy everyone's books. I had your website up right after we talked last time and I was like what should I get from here? I'm like this is like, and so I'll show them.
Speaker 1:And I had, like a young woman who's also gonna be in the fall series, 19 years old, self-published a book on women and the women's movement and where we started and how far we've gotten. And she, she was so passionate about this topic that she, 19 years old, published a book and I showed it to my I showed it to my daughters and I was like, do you want to hear about this author? And I told them. I was like she's only 19 years old, she's just going into college, she's she's a freshman in college, she just started. She just started her freshman year. And I was showing it to my girls and I was like this is a big deal, like this is something you can do, and so, like, I can see their little wheels like spinning and they're like oh, there's other, there's other avenues, because when, I was growing up, it was you have to go to college, so you have to go to university and you have to get a good job and that's it, that's your path.
Speaker 1:And then for me I was told well, if you're going to get married and have kids like, you're not gonna be able to have a career.
Speaker 1:And I was like, oh, you know, I have these like two different things and so I don't want that to be that for them. Because you know myself and both my brothers, that was the pressure you have to go to college. My older brother not a college person, he was not the sit down and book guy, like that's not. He was very he's hands-on. That's always how he's been. But because of that pressure he went to college and he got a master's but he's not using any of it because it just wasn't like his thing.
Speaker 1:He just kind of plowed through it because that's what he was supposed to do. But he's not doing anything with it now and it's just. I think it's unfortunate because there's a whole generation of us that were pressed into these nine to five molds and, like, for many of us, that wasn't the passion, and that's why I think you see a lot of adults burning out, like a lot of us are burning out of our careers and kind of spiraling in your mid 40s Because you're like this is not what I wanted to do, like my life is not what I wanted.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say that, that I think that's why, when we talk about sort of like my generation and then your generation as well, especially when you see the women we were sort of encouraged. You know, okay, you can go get a degree, but in the end the most important one is the Mrs degree that you're going to have at some point. And there you know, there's nothing wrong with that if that's your choice. I have a lot of friends back in Canada who did marry young and did have kids young. But every one of their marriages has ended in the past 10 years or so and it's almost like they're having this resurgence or something, this rediscovery, and they're suddenly finding all these things that they were passionate about as young women, which they set aside for whatever reason. I set mine aside for my parents, or you set yours aside to get into the job market and take care of yourself, and a lot of them set theirs aside for marrying young and having children. But we kind of all reach our 40s and 50s and we say, listen, I've got maybe another 30, 40 years on this planet. What am I going to do with the rest of my life? And we are finding ourselves again, but I think of it more as we're remembering ourselves again. I mean, I've gone straight back to writing full time, and this was after you mentioned an abusive relationship where I lost the writing for sort of four years because it was threatening to him that I had any financial independence. So it's really only been over the past year that I've returned to my romance writing, and this book that I published three weeks ago, my 31st book is the first book that I've published since leaving the abusive relationship. So if we want to talk about finding our true passion or our purpose again, it also really depends who you have on your team. If you're with somebody who doesn't support your passion or purpose or is openly threatened by it, like my ex was then you will, you, you run the risk of losing it.
Speaker 2:It is, it is possible that and um, my son just said to me yesterday we were the day before something like we were talking about um, my royalties from my 31st book and he was saying I would have given up. I would have given up a long time ago. I said why? And he said well, you know, you wrote all these books and you had all this success and you were so independent and then you met this guy and then you sort of started working for his company, like for free, you know, helping him with his company. And then, like for free, you know helping him with his company, and then that took over your life and if you made like $100 in royalties a month, you were lucky. He said I would like I would just lose it, I wouldn't, I would just lose any motivation. And I said, well, I did for a while, but when I started telling my ex I wanted to get back to writing.
Speaker 2:Oh my God when I started telling my ex I wanted to get back to writing. Oh my God, I mean that's when it got really bad, because he didn't see that in a healthy way. Like the woman that I love wants to return to something that makes her happy what he saw was this person is going to start doing something beyond my control and she's going to make money from it. That we're going directly to her bank account, which means she'll have independence, which means she's closer to leaving me, like this is the way that these people think. Yeah, so that was that was.
Speaker 2:That was really hard in a way, because my son was right. It was really discouraging and depressing to go from where I was a bestselling romance writer to basically a ghost, not doing anything for years, to finally leaving my ex and then a year ago, saying to myself well, I gotta get, I gotta do something, and it was straight back to writing. It was straight back to writing. So, and publishing that book three weeks ago was the best I felt since leaving my ex, that's so exciting.
Speaker 2:Because it's again. It's that feeling of I'm doing the right thing, I'm doing the thing I meant to do, and a part of me, I was angry at myself for letting him take it away from me. You know like I allowed that to happen and you can make a million. There are a million ways that it happened, and being afraid of him was the main one. But then you think to yourself um, I have to forgive myself for that. I have to forgive myself for the fact that I entered this relationship in good faith. He's abusive. I was protecting myself and my son. I was doing what I had to do to get through the day, and if that meant basically cutting off a part of my body to keep us safe, then that's what I would do. But I've got it back and I think that's something else that maybe your listeners maybe don't hear enough, which is you can lose something really important to you, something that really brings you alive and is your purpose, and you can reclaim it.
Speaker 2:It is very possible. It's not easy. I'm not going to deny that it's easy. I'm not going to say it's hard. I'm not going to deny that it's hard. Let me get that correct, but it can be done. I mean, I have done it and I think this most recent book is the one I'm proudest of, because it's the one that I didn't think would ever get written ever.
Speaker 2:I didn't think I'd ever get away from him. I didn't think I'd ever be safe. I didn't think I would ever have the energy to write a whole book again. I didn't think I had it in me to do that kind of creative work and just be vulnerable and out there again and hope that my readers were still around after this long break and hope that my readers were still around after this long break. And they are and they were. And yeah it is. It is really possible to to lose something that matters to you, even if it is your purpose, but it's also really possible to pick it up again and carry on. So I hope that's something that people talk about more, because I don't think it's talked about enough.
Speaker 1:I was going to say I want to, like make sure that we're highlighting that there, because I think not, and not even that it just doesn't get talked about enough. Like I think people also think that like well, I've reached my, I reached, I maxed out. Like I've reached a stopping point, like I can't do anything about this. This is what it is. It were you know that phrase like oh, where there's a will, there's a way. I have to tell you, like I mean, while some of us go through things that are difficult, we lose ourselves. Ultimately it is up to the individual like, am I going to let this completely overtake me or am I going to try to get through this and be able to come out the other side?
Speaker 1:I I had battled, you know, depression and anxiety when I was in my early 20s, pretty, pretty intensely. I almost lost my whole, you know, college career. I almost lost the whole thing and then I snapped myself out. I snapped myself out of it and that was me taking care of myself. That was like I had a trauma response and I was like I need to, I need to get my ass in gear. Excuse me, but I was like I need to, I need to stop and I was able to come out of that.
Speaker 1:Then I had all my beautiful children, but for three years after my wonderful kids were born, lost my whole self and all I could do. Because it was so intense. Because I had my son in 2016, the twins in 2017, I was working full time and I was in full on anxiety probably postpartum depression response where I had to do everything no-transcript part and then in 2019, I was able to actually start taking care of myself. I have to say, when the United States shut down with COVID, that was almost like to be honest in my household.
Speaker 1:It was like a reprieve, because my husband ended up being home with the kids. The kids were in the house, you know like, and it gave me a bit of a moment where I was like there's not as much happening. I can actually take care of myself a little bit more now. And since then, the progression of me taking care of myself and me starting to recognize, like, what are my needs as I got closer to 40, I was like I was starting to raise my hand again and say, like well, what about me? Like, is this really what I want to be doing? Like this doesn't feel right anymore. I don't think I'm in alignment with this anymore. And that's where I started going down that whole self-discovery path of like you know, yes, like I have my profession here, but I'm missing that creative fulfillment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it sounds. It sounds like you had a reset during COVID. It was a bit of a reset for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, and it was like a physical and mental reset because physically, like my husband and I, went down like a healthier journey. I lost, like from 2019 to now. I think I've lost about 150 pounds from 2019 to now. I think I've lost about 150 pounds, like just because of this whole, because of this whole reset that we did, I like, and it's crazy Cause like I was looking at pictures of um when my twins were baptized. It was like, I think, 2018, right right before COVID happened.
Speaker 1:Um, it was maybe 2018, 2019. And I was looking at pictures yesterday and I, you know, saw what I looked like pre health journey and pre weight loss. And I said to my husband I was like, oh my God, I'm like because, you know, every once in a while now I'm, like, you know, I'm on a very healthy I'm not on a strict diet by any means, I do intermittent fasting and but it's been tremendous, it's had a huge impact on my life. And I said to my husband, like you know, every time I have these like urges, like, ah, you know, like let me just be regular, I'm not gonna watch what I'm doing anymore. And then I see these photos from before and I'm like, oh no, I've actually come quite far from where I've been. So it's been like a whole the past. I want to say like five to six years have been like a huge journey for me to get to where I'm at, and it's been like one thing on top of no, and it just kept layering. But it's been a journey.
Speaker 1:You know, a lot of us get stuck focusing on like like someone could say, well, look Marisol, so she's so successful. Like you know, that just kind of happened. Like I want to be that successful. It's not like snap your fingers and that happens, like you have to actively be involved in the steps and paying attention to the decisions you're making. You have to have that feeling of like I'm doing the right thing. Like Marisol said, this is the most right you've ever felt in your life. The 31st book is almost like a rebirth for you. Because of this break that you took. I mean really like this is like really exciting. I'm so happy that you published this new, this new book, because this is like your I'm back here. I am like I've got it back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, it's my big announcement and it's kind of interesting because I haven't been in contact with him for a while. But he sent me an email the week after my book was published, just this stupid sort of oh you know, hello, marisol, and I just was like, what are you doing? But this is sort of the behavior of the narcissist, which is that I'm well out of his control now I've done this thing and he's going to make sure I know he's watching me do these things, like it's such a messed up mind game. But I got the email and I said to my son oh yeah, yeah, guess who I heard from, and a part of me was sort of expecting it. I mean, I really hoped.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't.
Speaker 2:But this is just. If he had sent me that email a year ago, it would have taken the knees out from under me. I would have been immediately afraid I would have been right back there in that whole relationship. But it's been a year and I've worked really hard and I have taken my writing back. I've taken my power back. I've taken my choices back. I'm a single mother. I'm actually dating a very nice man right now. It's only been a few weeks, but it's a really good relationship. It's healthy. So I just feel like of course he's going to pop up now. You know now that everything is coming together again.
Speaker 1:That's like the narcissist MO Like. That's like oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you think it's going well for you now, remember me. So I just sort of thought, well, it's not unexpected, let's put it that way. Way, so that is an unfortunate sort of part of my life that I, I know I've really moved on from, because I did get this email from him, just this, and it went on for, you know, like 82 paragraphs. I could just I was gonna say, I'm sure just on and on, and on, and on and on, and um, I just thought, well, well, you know, okay, you know, like, carry on, I don't know what to say. And I sort of got the email and I deleted it, and then I promptly blocked him, and so then I thought, well, I'll just get back to what I'm doing, which is writing my 32nd book, so I'll get back to doing what I do.
Speaker 2:So I, you know, I, I get up in the morning and I, I treat my writing like a job. I shower and I put on lipstick and makeup and high heels, you know, and um sit down at my desk and I treat it like a proper office job and I just and, and I, I love it, I love it, and nobody can take it away from me ever again, because I won't let them. I know what it feels like now to lose something that really matters, and how hard it is, how hard you have to fight and claw to get it back. And now that I've got it, it's mine, and it's mine until I decide it's not mine anymore. In the end, I'll be the one who decides when this ends, not anybody else.
Speaker 2:And I think, if you can say that about where you are in your life, that I've chosen this and it's mine and I decide, then I think that no matter who you are or what you're doing, if it's being a mother, if it's running a company, if it's being a writer, it doesn't matter. If it's being a ballet dancer, if you can say those things that I think you are just doing so great. I think you're doing so great, and I think anybody who can say that should be really proud of themselves. I agree.
Speaker 1:Um, it's your journey is. That is so amazing. I I greatly appreciate you sharing it with the listeners, because you've you're. You've given us this example here of somebody who's gone through all these very traumatic events and, while you may have lost your path here and there, you still have come into yourself and into your own, and I think the underlying message here for me is there's always a hope there. You don't have to give up, and if you find somebody that can be supportive of you, that can help boost you along when you need it, somebody who's, you know, an accountability partner for you, great. If not, if you're on that road alone. I mean, I always want this podcast to be a source for people and I always tell people you can text me through the podcast like it's very easy to get access to me. You don't have to go it alone and you're not the only one out there who's going through it. We've all. We're all going through these journeys together.
Speaker 2:Well, I think, for all you can say about social media, that's negative. I do think that it has an amazing ability to connect us now and that's why I'm so fond of these podcasts that I'm doing because I've never really done podcasts before this book. What I love about the podcasts is you feel like you're sitting down with a friend having a coffee and having a chat, and I think that really good podcasts have that vibe for the listeners as well and the whole idea that you can get to know someone, even just in an hour podcast. People know any of your listeners now know so much about me in an hour. So I really feel like what you do with your podcast.
Speaker 2:I think it is indeed something you're very good at. I think it's definitely part of your calling. Think it is indeed something you're very good at. I think it's definitely part of your calling. So, yeah, I think that it's amazing to be able to sit down and just talk to people virtually in separate countries and time zones and find so much that we have in common and something your listeners can maybe tap into as well. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:I just recently did a social post where I said I'm like I podcast felt like a calling for me, but it's also given me this wonderful opportunity to meet all of you like I would have never met anybody. My world is very small here because I'm I work from home and I don't really ever leave the area, because I'm like I just work from home, like I can do everything from my house, and it has opened up so many pathways of like. Now I have all these women that I can stay in touch with and it's. It is amazing. And there is that personal through line.
Speaker 1:This podcast is always going to be an organic discussion. I like to just put it all out there. I share a lot of myself here, and having guests like you on that also are willing to be so vulnerable here is is really what this whole podcast is for. I want women to come to this podcast and hear these stories and say like that sounds like me, that sounds like my friend, it sounds like something I'm going through, and to feel comfort, to know like you're not the only one going through this. There's other people out there too. You're not alone. Um, our assault. Thank you so much for joining me today and and doing the recording I'm like so thrilled to chat with you, um.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. I'm gonna.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. Of course I could talk to you for like six hours. That's why I'm like oh no, I have to like um listeners. I'm gonna link um marisol's websites and and I'll put all her information in the description so you can access her. I've looked at the book series. I already had some earmarked. I'm kind of like a book hoarder and I have about 10 or 15 books sitting on my desk right now, like I have my. I have my eye on a few. But, listeners, I hope you enjoyed this episode and leave us a review, and we really appreciate you joining us today.
Speaker 2:Thank you, jenny, it's been great. It's been a really nice way to spend my Saturday afternoon over here in England.
Speaker 1:Thank you, of course, and, listeners, we'll catch you on the next one, take care.
