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Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
Join Jenny weekly as she discusses topics that effect women in a relatable, honest way.
Steel Roses Podcast
Suzanne Ledecker on Love, Empowerment, and Overcoming People-Pleasing
This episode features a heartfelt discussion with Suzanne Ledecker, a fierce love coach and author, discussing her journey of self-discovery and the importance of empowerment among women. Suzanne shares insights on effective communication, financial independence, and establishing healthy boundaries while navigating personal and professional lives.
• Introduction of Suzanne Ledecker and her mission
• Discussion on creating supportive communities among women
• Overview of Suzanne’s book and personal journey
• Emphasis on the significance of clear communication
• Exploration of women’s empowerment and financial independence
• Addressing the impact of social media on self-perception
• Importance of setting boundaries for emotional well-being
• Closing thoughts on embracing one’s truth and fostering growth
Check out her book! --> A Woman On Top
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Hi everybody, this is Steel Roses podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. I'm super excited to introduce you to our guest today, Suzanne Ledecker. She is a fierce love coach, author, speaker and mother on a mission to build bulletproof women who keep their promises, learn to say no and never take anything personally again. With a background in marriage and family counseling and a certificate in spiritual psychology, Suzanne blends education with a holistic approach to guiding women on their journey of self-discovery.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I'll add this last line in here. That's not part of the bio that I borrowed from her website. I read Suzanne's book and I legitimately could not stop reading it, which says a lot for someone like me who barely gets time to themselves. So, suzanne, welcome to the show. Thank you, jenny. I'm so happy to be here. Suzanne, I, as I said, I read your book, but I want you to introduce yourself to the listeners and let them know a little bit about yourself and your story, and then I'll ask you some questions after All. Right, great.
Speaker 2:Well, I can tell all of you that I just got off the mountain skiing. This was opening day on Aspen Mountain, so I wanted to be out there. I'm just about to turn 65. So everyone that thinks that you can't do it, you can just keep going. Sometimes a little aches and pains, but you can do it. My birthday's on December 2nd and I was skiing with my daughter and her husband. My daughter's due date is November 30th, so the husband and I were kind of being and a few other friends were kind of being the bodyguards, so nobody took her down. So it was a really fun day. And then I got to come home to do this on a beautiful Saturday evening in Aspen. A little bit more about me I have three children.
Speaker 2:I wrote a book called A Woman on Top my journey of self-discovery through love and money, and it took me, yes, 11 years to get published. 10 years to write it and 11 and one year to publish it. My lucky number happens to be 11. So not surprising that that was the day, that number of years, and the day that I published it was 11, 11, 2023. And I'm continuing to kind of spread the word because I want to let people know, especially women, that you're not alone.
Speaker 2:Whatever problems you think you have, no matter how serious they are, no matter how lonely you sometimes feel, no matter how you're like. Where is the man of my dreams? You are not the only one. I'm really here to create a tribe of people out of a loving respect for us as women in general, and I've been through a lot of stuff. My book is a memoir and it's really about I tell people. It's about don't do this, which is why the first 60 years of my life, please do this, because this is going to make a difference and you can find more peace, more happiness, less stress If you do these things. I know because I've been in both situations. That's my story.
Speaker 1:So in your book and I don't want to give too much away because I actually I want people to really read it, because reading it, first of all, the way that you wrote the book I love so much because it was very personal and it felt like I was inside your brain and I don't know if that was the intention, but the tone, the voice, the phrasing, the sentence structure, everything about it felt like Suzanne and I are friends now and now we're best friends and I know everything about you.
Speaker 2:We are going to be best friends, best friends, and I know everything about you, so we are best friends. Yeah, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Even as I said it, I got chills, which usually indicates I'm going to stay in touch with people. So that that was great and and I do really recommend to the listeners like, if you're looking for a really good read like this is something that really held me and like kept me and and then I was sad when I was done and I almost wanted to text you and be like well, what are you going to do for book?
Speaker 2:two, because I'm going to need something. I got it. You know what A number of people have asked me tonight in the bar. It's between please let Jenny know so she could let me know between writing 100 Days of Tinder that's my working title, my God, that'd be cool and giving the history of internet and emailing and dating, and then a hundred days of online dating where you tell me your stories about greatness and about the horror that you found love and money are out there and it's going to end with the hundredth day, which is my daughter who actually married somebody that she met on tinder.
Speaker 1:My older, my older brother same thing.
Speaker 2:Right. So I mean it doesn't happen. But there's a lot of us are like ugh, internet dating, Yep.
Speaker 1:That would be a good one. That would be a good one.
Speaker 2:War between writing a story I have never said this publicly out loud about the real Suzanne Leidecker. What happens? I have the most amazing stories. You guys? I've lived a wildly incredible life. That is not normal.
Speaker 1:I have to tell you, I did find myself. I did find myself while I was reading, when you would move on to, like the next chapter or you would move on to the next, like part of the story that you want to tell. I was almost sad because I was like, oh wait, no, but I want to know what else happened when you were here in India or here in Africa, or like because you and you know, and again, like not giving too much away, but you traveled so much that I was like, well, what about everybody else? What else unraveled? And like that's really what.
Speaker 1:What held me the whole time was because there was so much there and I was like I really want to know everything else, because that alone and we were talking briefly before we started recording engaging with other people and meeting other people, especially when they're in alignment with you and especially when it's people that are like impacting your life, even if it's very briefly. Everyone you meet is going to impress something on your soul and I've said it to many of the guests that come on the podcast I feel so blessed to be doing this work, because I would have never met any of you. No, I didn't do this. Yeah, this is like a huge thing. So that was while the whole time I'm reading I was like, wait, no, but I need more.
Speaker 2:I know why there wasn't more. There's 116 pages that were left on the editing room Because otherwise it would have been a 450-page book.
Speaker 1:It would have taken me a couple of weeks then to read it.
Speaker 2:You're right. Just so you know listeners and Jenny, I have had hundreds of people write me and say I couldn't put it down. Yeah, I started and I just needed to know what happened. This one woman piano teacher she's like this is ridiculous. I am not teaching piano to anyone. I can't. I need to finish and find out what happened.
Speaker 2:So I think it's a compelling book and also what we were also talking about a little bit before we went on air is that I'm really doing this out of the goodness of my heart. I don't need to be famous or be acknowledged for this. I just wrote a book that says hey, maybe you don't want to do these things, and maybe you do want to do these things. And it's the memoir of my life and how many times I just did the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. And eventually I had a wake up moment where I was like, oh, all the work I've been doing throughout my life spiritual work, you know, meditation, writing. I was like when is anything going to ever change? And then one day I woke up and I was like life can be different.
Speaker 2:And I now I think my, my, well, my one platform is say no, if it's not, hell. Yeah, simplification is my new thing and really not taking anything personally and I do, sometimes I do, I forget, but you know, all those people out there with all those opinions, they can break you down. Yeah, you know, they can like. You know, like, take your heart, you know, and so we're. We're all in this together, about creating an environment for like-minded women, as Jenny said, to build a tribe, to say we all go through the same struggles. If you think you're alone and you're the only one, I promise you you are not. So.
Speaker 1:That's. That's essentially the whole goal of the podcast is to let women know, like you're not here by yourself. There are two. There were two big themes. Well, actually there was one major theme that I saw in your book and then I saw I saw a lot of sub themes, but the biggest thing that I saw was communication. That was the biggest thing that I saw. And then, right under that, I saw the financial note and we can talk about both and I want you to elaborate on both and you know what your feelings are in communications, especially within relationships, and then we can touch on the finance part of it too, because it's both very it gets very sticky very fast. So, for communication, that was one of the things that kept jumping out at me with every chapter I read.
Speaker 2:I actually wrote a pretty good book, right? Yes, I think that communication you said, especially in relationship. I think communication, no matter where you are, is critical. To be clear about who you are, and that goes back to somewhat of not taking things personally. Speak your truth. I cannot tell you without breaking a lot of confidences. I'll just give you a little nutshell. But you know, like I told my truth and I had some people that did not like it. Three of the boyfriends they were well of them was like wife read it and she's like that's fine. That's exactly what happened. The other two was like I don't read, so I don't care what you do. But there was a few people in my life that were very close to me who were like if you, if you write your story, you might have people that don't like you, and I did it anyway. That's part of the reason it took me 10 years to finish it.
Speaker 1:Well, it's very scary, yeah, it's very scary to bear yourself and be vulnerable in the way that you did, because you are very honest and you're very blunt in the book and it just is what it is. But you you're also I think you also have the moments of this is you said? This is how I'm remembering this, this is how I remember this particular thing happening. I and I and you're right, like and you say it in the book like everyone remembers things differently, but this is your memoir, this is how your life came across to you and it is scary, and I thought about that too and I actually wanted to commend you on taking that leap, because that's very scary for women to do in general To live authentically alone. That alone is a huge stretch for a lot of women. I didn't really start working on myself and living authentically until about four years ago.
Speaker 2:Well, me neither.
Speaker 1:It took me a really long time to get there because I didn't realize that I wasn't living authentically. I thought I was, but in reality I was just doing all my shoulds. I should be doing this. I should be climbing the corporate ladder, I should be doing all the I should be climbing the corporate ladder, I should be doing all the shoulds, and it sucked.
Speaker 1:And then I got to a point where I was doing my shoulds and I was in a job that was beating me to death and it was loads of hours and my kids were very small. And I lifted my head up after like a 10 day workaholic like stream, where I was working, like you know, 15 hours a day and my kids all look bigger to me, and I was devastated and that was like the shock that threw me into being like I need to take a step back here, driving furiously towards this corporate, like I need to be this, I need to be vice president, I need to be CEO. And then I got to a certain point I'm like, oh my God, this is like sucking the life out of me.
Speaker 2:That's so funny that you say that, because that's very parallel experience to my experience. So I write this book immediately. I'm working with this woman. I go to do, you know, get trained in doing by one of the greatest. If anybody ever wants to be a speaker, daryl Stinson, we'll have a shout out to him and his wife, britt. You know I was going to be a life coach. I was going to do all these things that lead magnets and things. And I woke up about I don't know a month ago and I was like what am I doing? Like I don't want to do this. If somebody wants to come to me and say, hey, will you coach me on this, then I that's great, but I want to spend time going skiing, I want to spend time with my new grandson and, you know, live my life and hopefully write another book. I've got a couple inside me that I want to write about and you know, one of the things that, like, I simplified right, even though I'd spent all this money trying to make this happen. It wasn't an easy thing and I said I'm not doing it anymore.
Speaker 2:There was another thing that everybody had opinions on where, you know, when you can't, you've gone this deep. You know those. You know those voices inside my head and your head and every listener's here is like oh well, I have to, I need, I must, I should. One of the things that I'm redoing in my book is like I tell people all the time you don't need to do anything. You know you can choose to do it because it's better for yourself. So I'm getting ready to read and do an Audible book for all those people out there that need to have Audible, which I totally get. I wrote in my book I need, I must, and I was like, oh my God, I've got to correct those. Like if I read those on Audible I'll break out into hysterical laughter and go really, I really honestly wrote you need to, you don't need to do anything.
Speaker 2:You don't should to do anything you don't even could have like.
Speaker 1:you did the best job you could, so good for you, jenny I, uh, it's interesting when I first the first time I started to touch upon I need to to live the life that I want to live was right around when I met my husband.
Speaker 2:Well, wait, let's, let's let's retract for a second, I'm sorry. Let's replace the need as the sake of exercise. With what would the word be? I wanted to, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wanted to live the life that I, that I wanted, that is more powerful I was and I I knew I had that sense of I'm not really doing what I want here. And so when I met him, there was exactly what you said. There was all these voices around me being like, oh, but you know what about this? Or you should be doing this. You know, oh, what about this and this and this and this? And I was always like, at the end of the day, if I'm happy, then that's it. I can't, I, I'm not going to.
Speaker 1:And at that point I had made that clear to myself and to everybody around me. I was very proud of myself because up until I was 26, I was very much a people pleaser and very codependent and very invested, and I want everyone to be happy and I want to. I'll be there for everyone, but I don't need anyone, I'm okay. And I started this shift when I was 26 to be like I have to really live what I want to live, because, at the end of the day, like I'm the one who's going home by myself and miserable and sad, and everyone else is fine and happy and off doing their things. So when I met. When I met my husband, there was a definitive shift and I made it very clear to everybody. I was like this is the guy. I was like this is him and get on board, or that's it, like that's it. And I drew a line in the sand. And you know, now, almost 14 years later, three, 14 years, three kids, two grandchildren, my two stepchildren, like nice, big, blended family. It's a beautiful. You can kind of see them a little bit in those pictures, but yeah, it was. It was something that nobody was thrilled about, but I knew in my soul, I was like this is it, this is this is it for me. And it worked, it's just and, and you know, and now we, we have this beautiful life together. That, and it's because I drew this boundary.
Speaker 1:You know, as we go through our lives, we have these, and you had so many in the book. You have these pivotal moments of I know that I need to take this step. Or there's the pivotal moment of oh, excuse me, wait, not that I know I need to take this step. I know I want to take this step for myself. There you go. And then you also have moments where it's not so much of an outright screaming battle. It's more of a I'm going to just I need to survive this moment, so I need to exit this moment across the whole board and the communication piece was like such a huge deal, because being able to use your voice and say like I don't like this, I need to move on from here, was must that must've been so empowering for you to be able to do that.
Speaker 2:You know, and the other thing is is that I just want anybody who's listening today to recognize that, even though Jenny set that boundary and people didn't want to hear it, but she's found herself in a happy 14-year relationship with three children. If that's not the case for you, just remember that we're on a journey here. I have a strong belief that collectively, as women on the planet I won't tell you where well, I'll tell you where I got strong belief God came down and told me. Now you're going to really think I'm weird from you know, girls to 102.
Speaker 2:You know, we, what we tend to do is a lot of us are show up very empowered. Then we meet a man, Rick, and we're like Rick, what do you want to do? And we act like idiots, right, and we, you know they all are powerful stuff. They don't like us as well. And so God came down and said you know, ladies, in order for humanity and female empowerment to move forward this period of time where these women are alive on the planet, period of time where these women are alive on the planet, I'm going to collectively take the men off the table, because all I hear, Jenny, is there's no good men. It doesn't matter what community you live in. So you're very lucky and I'm very blessed and happy for you, but there's a lot of us that cannot find somebody to date to save our lives. But then, how do we want to show up, which is the last story in my book. We can move on to the financial piece if you'd like, yeah sure.
Speaker 1:So the other part that I thought was very interesting because you told that story from your perspective and they're from your place in your life. Like you know, you talked about like the financial strain that it was to be a woman who had more means than the person you were dating. There's a lot of women today, especially for I mean, there's a lot of us now who are really coming up in our careers, are really making money for ourselves, and it's more, it's more prevalent today, and we have all these, you know, female bosses like I think this is phenomenal, like this is a huge deal for all of us to be able to make this kind of money, because not so long ago we weren't even allowed to have bank accounts. So the fact that we're able to really do this and take ownership I had a quick side note, but it was funny. I was having a bit of a feminist debate with my mother because she's, you know, from an older way of thinking, and she said she was, you know, telling me about how, you know, feminism destroyed May.
Speaker 2:I ask you for clarification what is your definition of feminism For me?
Speaker 1:it's being able to be empowered and have the ability to make a choice for yourself and to be able to select for yourself what is my path forward, without having barriers set in your way, and to be able to be considered based on your skills and the kind of person that you are not, on being a woman did you remember what my yeah, did you remember what my definition was in the book? No, I don't remember it raw burning.
Speaker 2:Left-wing democratic lesbians that's what we grew that, what that? That was what a feminist was I think that's well.
Speaker 1:that's why my mom reacted so poorly when I said it yes absolutely. And it's not like that for me, like that's not how I look at it.
Speaker 2:If you look up the definition of feminism because my son called me this one time a long time ago and my hair is up in the back of my neck Feminism just means equality, right, realistically, not even the empowerment of women, it's just equality. And I've got a question for you. So I think it's great that women are making more money and there is some challenges and, you know, I encourage all parents that are gifting their children money because they've done quite well. You know, there's there's some things you need to teach the mother than just how to get the money. But let's just take the female breadwinners that are now rising as, um, you know, percentage wise, is the biggest breadwinners in the family.
Speaker 2:My God, I'm going to forget what I shoot, you know, sometimes when you get off in your own stories. And you, I know so, I, you know like if I polled all this audience and every, every person in every city, who anybody comes from, on here and I said why do you think women should get paid equally? They would go well, they should Right, they would go well, they should right. I mean, that's obvious. Like, who's going to say there's going to be 99.5% of people that say that women should get paid equally to men. There's 0.5% of men that are going to be out there, and it's like I like my wife naked in the kitchen and the bedroom. That's all of them, though. That's it.
Speaker 2:Well, this is part of the problem on both the male and the female. That's all of them, though. That's it. Well, this is part of the problem on both the male and the female side, for different reasons is, if we all say we believe it, why isn't it happening? So, in my perspective, I don't share much stuff. I've already told you about what God said, and here I am telling you this. I think we're lying to ourselves. I think men don't necessarily want us to be powerful, and I think, as women, we're still unclear about if we're good enough. You know, I think that's rising, but you got to remember where we come from. You just pointed it out we couldn't have a bank account. It's a big deal. And now you're saying, hey, let's a big deal and forever and now.
Speaker 2:Then you're saying, hey, let's mix up this whole thing and get married and figure out how to do it I taught, I spoke to.
Speaker 1:I spoke to somebody who was part of, like, the original movement in new york, like she was there in the in the 50s and 60s, and she actually had said to me too that she was like. You know, it's interesting because when the discussion started happening and people were starting young ladies were starting to change how they were looking at things, she was like in no way did we ever. The goal was never women have to do everything, cause that's part of the problem that we're having today too. And even personally, I mean the amount of times I get burned out because I'm trying to carry everything Do everything.
Speaker 1:I have to actively work to ask for help on a regular, like I mean, it's the craziest thing, but to this day, like I still have to be. Like okay, jenny, you know what, you don't have to do all of this yourself, it's okay. Like maybe some of that stuff has to happen later on. Like maybe you can't get to it today, like it's okay, you're still okay. And it's crazy because there's this tremendous amount of pressure for, especially like for those of us who, you know, went down like the career path but then also still wanted to have kids, I and have a family and everything, when I was 20, 24, 25.
Speaker 1:One of my cousins had said that to me. He was like you're not gonna be able to do both, you have to pick. And I was like I'm not gonna pick. You know, the kind of woman I am is very like well, that sounds like a challenge and I'm not gonna pick, I'm gonna do both. And then I had my kids and Suzanne. When I tell you, I did have my parents coming to help me. They did try. You know, people stepped in. My mother-in-law phenomenal, stepped in was like I'll come and stay, like you know, cause I had three infants at the same time, so it was like it was wild. Yeah, 20, 2016 and 2017 was like all, all diapers. All day. People actively said we'll help, help and I couldn't relinquish the control what?
Speaker 2:let me ask you a question like I I think I know the answer, but I think it's good to just express it is is that, what do you think was going to happen if you couldn't take care of it all? Nobody's gonna like you, you know.
Speaker 1:I I back on it now because now when I talk about this on the podcast, I really try to encourage other young moms to be like you have to ask for help. I don't know what my problem was, that I felt like I had to do everything. Let me take that back. I do know what my problem was.
Speaker 1:So, I'm going to. I'm going to pull that back. I learned very early on, when I was a kid to take care of myself and I have two brothers and in our household my older brother got quite a bit of attention, my younger brother got quite a bit. I was in the middle and it was always the line was always oh, jenny's fine, she's good, she takes care of herself. And that was actually said quite a bit to the point where almost to my detriment because I internalized that so fiercely that I refused help in all aspects across the board for most of my life because I was determined to be like I don't need anybody, I don't need you. I've been disappointed too many times in my life.
Speaker 2:I'm going to do everything myself. Well, you got to remember that you and me both, and every single person that's listening to this, are probably caregivers that think what's going to happen. People aren't going to like me, I'm not going to feel loved, I'm not worthy, I didn't do a good enough job, and we're struggling under a society where and that's why I wrote this book First off, read my book and figure out. The first chapter is called the Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. I know those things like that's an apple. Maybe you want to move to a peach grove and do something totally differently. But those things that we're so attached to for most women honestly, some of them have not very many, really honestly, we haven't. We're trying our best, but we covered up in so many different ways because we think we need to be the best and be perfect, and it's just crushing us as we're going through this whole transition on the planet of women rising up in their own empowerment to be equal. There's like we're just you're just expected to know exactly what to do.
Speaker 1:I know it's wild, the standards are wild, the standards are insane. It honestly, and it's to a point where you you feel badly and I've talked on other episodes about methods to help prioritize things in your day because what was starting to happen to me not starting, it was happening with the kids and work and everything else. I would get so frustrated that I would start like screaming at everybody and happening with the kids and work and everything else. I would get so frustrated that I would start like screaming at everybody and yelling at the kids and yelling at my husband and I'm like this is no way to live. And so I've let go quite a bit in the past year. The past year has been more focused for me to let go and the other part of it too, suzanne, that has really actually been a catalyst for me.
Speaker 1:Making sure that I'm changing is because I would like to be a better example for my kids and I'm like I have two girls. I don't want them to look at me and be like, oh, mommy was crazy all the time and screaming at us all the time and always busy and never had time. So I actively, even though it feels very uncomfortable, I will say to them. You know what, like I need help or mommy needs help, I have everybody now like folds their own laundry like a seven, eight year old. They're all doing their own thing. I'm like mommy needs help. I can't do it all by myself and I tell them all the time I'm like I need support, mommy needs help. I also openly admit to them to mommy needs a break, I'm tired. I'm just going to lay down for a little bit.
Speaker 2:Do you know what I think this is so amazing? Because one you showed very vulnerably where you just admitted hey, sometimes I scream In my book. I think you'll remember I did not write it in there in the first place, but I had two boyfriends, one of whom I smashed a picture of him on my bedroom floor and the paint I mean it was like him winning a olympic thing and I smashed it and it broke into a thousand pieces and then I cried and picked up every single one of the 1000 pieces with a dustpan and then went out and bought him a remake of the same thing and I was like and then I actually I hate to say this, but it's in a book, so you know I threw a chair and punched a man kind of in the face. My friend was like well, did you leave a mark? And I was like no, I didn't leave a mark.
Speaker 2:And she's like you should have hit a martyr. You know, I really appreciate you sharing where you're at and I purposely went back when I added it and I said I would not be telling the truth if I look like Miss Pollyanna and I never did anything wrong. You know us to share verbally or in writing. Um that we are challenged sometimes because everybody's so busy on social media trying to look perfect and people are like killing themselves because of that. They're depressed.
Speaker 1:You know it's very bad. It's almost its own little pandemic, if you will, because the amount of the filters alone I have to. So I I'm not on social media because it just it feels like I just the time suck and I'm like I would really like to put my time elsewhere. So I I'm not personally on there, I just have the podcast on there. But it you're getting all of these perfectly crafted pictures and curated images that are highly filtered. Nothing is what it seems.
Speaker 1:But if you look at it long enough, it just starts to get into your brain that like, oh well, my life must suck because all I do is go to work and come home and you know, you know, sally sunshine is out there at the beach, or she's doing this, or her boyfriend just gave her all this and this and that, and my boyfriend, you know, hasn't, he's just a manager and he can't afford this. And it starts to snowball to the point where you're looking at your life and thinking you're inadequate and that your life is inadequate. But the reality of is everything that's on social media is pretty much like BS, like, if you really look at it, like a lot of it is not real and you're being fed all of these images and information and a lot of it is not real and it's just making people, like you said, depressed. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It was so funny. I went to this event the other day for an organization that I really love called One Purse. Give them a shout out, too, and they rescue young girls from child trafficking and prostitution issues and bring them back into society. Them and they're lunchtime 250 women there at like 10 men, and they're all dressed just like me and their cute little outfits and they look really good with their dangly earrings and I thought I wonder how many of these women you know like put on a really good front. But sometimes they go home and they feel lonely. Yeah, if you feel that way, you're not alone.
Speaker 2:No you know we're living in a culture and if you really I agree, if you really went underneath the depths of all that social media stuff, I guarantee those people have moments when they're like I don't feel lovable, it's a human condition. And so you know it's okay to you know it's human condition and so, yeah, you know it's okay to you know it's I mean, hopefully, get over your issues in life. That's the goal. But that that takes spiritual exercises, takes practice. You got to do that.
Speaker 2:It's like going to the gym not gonna lose that 20 pounds if you don't go and you're not gonna get fit. But you know, like really being gracious towards yourself and knowing that, yes, you're not like a crazy person because you feel badly because you watch. I mean, I have to look at social media because of what I'm doing, you know, yeah, but and I I really enjoy it. It's a great way to stay connected with people. I look at it as more as an arduous, like tasks that I have to do, but there's a lot of great stuff on there there are great elements to it.
Speaker 1:I have a great appreciation for a lot of the platforms in general because I have such a love for marketing, so I love seeing stuff and I actually I actually what you said here, like the, the people connection, that's a huge thing because I was thinking back to before, before all this. You know, when I was growing up, there was no smartphones and everything. You too, you know, when I was growing up, there was no smartphones and everything you do like. We didn't have smartphones growing up and I mean, like, my first phone was a flip phone, so, like you know, it wasn't like anything special, but like it's that people connection. That is really wonderful Because, you know, we're a few hours away from our family, my family's all out of state, so being able to actually FaceTime and see people, it's a big, big deal.
Speaker 1:So for that it's a huge blessing. But then you have the darker side and the darker elements and that's almost everything in this world. You're going to have the light, you're going to have the dark, but you have to maintain some kind of a balance In regards to, you know, doing the spiritual practices. I practice meditation and affirmations and journaling and all that. I have to tell you, everything improved for all of us and all these blessings came our way and it was like jaw dropping. I was just so grateful, and still am grateful, for everything that's happened in the past year, and I do truly believe it's because I'm taking those that time to focus my energy and to not be, you know, over the map yeah, it's funny because that's awesome.
Speaker 2:I'm so happy for you, and I did all these spiritual exercises, and in my book I was like when is anything going to change? I'll tell you what three things changed my life. These are my three pillars. Is well? Four actually is not taking personal responsibility, and for women it often means it's not all your fault Because I have lived under a light, it's all all. We all feel that way though, yeah, and setting boundaries, which it was my hardest thing I've ever taught anybody, but now it's very clear to me If it's not a hell, yeah, it's a no.
Speaker 2:And that doesn't mean sit on your couch and don't go out to the Christmas party. Get your butt off the couch and go out, even if you don't feel like it, but saying no to the things whatever. And the third, most important one, which I mentioned before, is, to the best of my ability, not taking things personally. Water off the duck's back 99% of the time. What other people think, do, feel, say, is none of my business. I don't care whether that's your father or your kid or some man in the supermarket, sorry. So those things on top of the exercises. And the last one was finding your purpose and passion, which this is supporting women and being the best that they can be. But those three things are what? After the meditation and the free form, writing and all those things, those are necessary, those are going to the gym, they are going to the gym, they're going to the gym. But when I added three on top of it, that is when, all of a sudden, everything began to shift for me. Yeah, and it's just changed my life.
Speaker 1:I also noticed quite a bit your connection with nature, which I also very deeply. That's part of the reason why we bought our house in our location is because I really wanted to be by the beach and the ocean and I just I felt this connection and this deep drive to be close to the ocean and it's like one of my favorite meditation places. I go and watch the sunrise all the time. I bring my kids and I'm like this is mommy's spot, it's quiet time. I'm trying to teach them. You know meditating. I'm like Suzanne, if I could, every wisdom that I have, I'm trying to my my set. You should hear my eight year old son talk. The next time we talk I'll bring him in so he can talk with you, because he's poor thing. He had, he had a headache so he had to go to bed early, but he um, the way he speaks is very articulate and he talks a lot like me.
Speaker 2:That's so great.
Speaker 1:My husband and I are both like we communicate like a lot, like we are over communicators almost in some ways, and so now our kids will talk your ear off.
Speaker 2:Well, you know what, though? We were talking about that earlier. I think that that's the reason for your great marriage and the longevity of it. I think that's really important. We've been talking about this circling around this. As women, especially when you're first in a relationship with someone, tell them what you really think and you really want. Do you want your car door open or not? Because they're so confused they don't get it. They don't, they really don't. I mean, I feel really sorry for men these days, and you know, again, they I'm actually going to say this out loud you know, they've been carrying the torch for a long time and now it seems like, you know, women are beginning. So I hear women say all the time well, I just don't need to have a man anymore. Yeah, no, we cannot leave 50% of the population behind and go be empowered. We need to cultivate the relationships we need. See, I do it too. I would like to inspire. It sparks joy for me to create relationships based on quality communication skills where we're both not taking things personally.
Speaker 2:I love it that your children are sounding like you. That is fantastic.
Speaker 1:It's very funny because we refer to him as our attorney, because he will negotiate your ear off If he wants something. Believe me, suzanne, it's going to happen, because he will not stop until he lays his whole case out for you. It's very like to the point where I can't wait to see this. Oh my God, I have to introduce you to them because they're really funny. Yeah, the communication is critical. It's a critical element I've talked about this quite a bit before where you know, even if it feels awkward if you don't say it, that's where resentment starts to build.
Speaker 1:And you know, if you're, let's say you know, for example, you're going to your friends, your girlfriends and complaining, running your mouth about your relationship, it's okay to vent, but, on that same note, you still have to go back to that person and have the discussion with them and say like hey, I didn't like this. What we do, we're very specific. We address, like it directly in the moment. So if I do something that has offended him and vice versa, like in the exact moment, we don't let it go, we will address it in that moment. And the first time that I had to, I had to say I heard him out and I was like, all right, I, I offended you and I'm so, and I literally had to do it and it felt very awkward the first few times, but then, after a while, it's like, no, but think about how much better it could be if you just acknowledge like, hey, I really don't like that you're acting like this, I don't like how you're treating me, I don't like that. You know you're pissed off about me working all the time or I don't. You know like those conversations have to happen, because if you don't have those conversations, that relationship is not going to work.
Speaker 1:And to be perfectly honest with you, I don't think I don't really think of my this, my, my marriage, as like a soulmate kind of thing. I think of it as a we've worked our asses off kind of thing. This is like a, this is not, and we actually joke about it. We're like we're not a fairy tale, we're like reality and we had to really work at this to make it like be what it is, because it could have gone off in another direction at any point in time. So it really is really critical for women to. When I say, use your voice, I don't mean, like you know, be obnoxious. I don't mean, like you know, be belligerent. I mean like say what you mean, what are you feeling, use it.
Speaker 2:Use your voice. We're both on the same track here, right, use it. Use your voice. We're both on the same track here, right? Absolutely yeah. Whether you're married or single, yes, if you want to stay married, you need to set up some kind of communication channels where you can share and not feel I hate to ask you this. I don't god.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not gonna work well and, and suzanne, to your point, it doesn't even matter, it doesn't have to. It's not just your marriage, it's your children, your parents, it's everybody in your life. You have to show up. My cousin got me the other day because something had happened amongst us in the family and I was kind of sour about it and I didn't say anything and I was gonna just leave it alone and let it go. But I was sour and she knew and she called me immediately, was like hey, I just want to make sure I address this with you. And you know, said her piece, and I was like Okay, and it may, it just cleared the whole air and that was it, and I wasn't sour and that was, you know it, just those moments. So it's really just it's, it's for any relationship, it's really just not the romantic ones, it's all of your relationships. You have to show up, be yourself and really use your voice.
Speaker 2:And I could throw in a spiritual component of that is like people that come in and whatever the situation is irritating at the moment or upsetting or whatever. Those, those people and things are called stackers. Right, Stackers are here for our spiritual growth. And I have a couple of stackers coming into my life very soon and I had to really readdress it and say, okay, well, I'm going to use this opportunity for my spiritual growth, even though it's a little hard and a little challenging, and sometimes I don't want what's going to happen to happen. Well, too bad, it's happening anyway. So how do I want to show up and address those things? And that also has made a huge difference. And sometimes this one particular one took me a few days to come to some kind of place where I wasn't like.
Speaker 2:I don't want this to happen. So I think yes, I think you're such a brilliant woman and you're doing so great of balancing your work life with your home life and I really appreciate and acknowledge you for doing that and for your communication skills with your family and rubbing off with your children.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's definitely been a journey, and and that's the other part too is that it's the journey is not to get to an end goal, it's this is it. This is the whole thing right here. So I I'm very grateful that we ended up being connected and that your book came into me, because as I, as I was reading it, I was like I know who I'm buying this for for Christmas.
Speaker 1:This is being a woman on top and this is, this is the reality of it and we are all in this and we are all going through it. No matter what your walk of life is, we are all going through it and we need to give each other more grace and just be understanding. Like this is it like and you're not alone is really, I think, a big thing that we just keep mentioning here. You're not by yourself going through these things.
Speaker 2:No, and also you. These things, no. And also you know this is the first time this has ever occurred to me, but it's not. This book is, I mean, primarily written for women that are doing very well in their careers, or, god forbid. I inherited some money. I thought it was the biggest curse ever, cause I didn't think I appreciated it. I felt shame and guilt around it, and now I just own it. I mean, I was getting teased today, now I don't. I just it's like well, whatever I didn't get to choose, this is what I got. But I think it's important to remember that, no matter whether it doesn't matter, if you're making money, you have money. You're the breadwinner, you're not the breadwinner. The whole point here is that we're trying to encourage women to stand up for themselves and to say what's true for them in any situation. Start with a gas station guy or well we don't have that anymore.
Speaker 2:Start small With a 7-Eleven guy and work on him. You do not have to pick the relationship with your mother that has had problems for the last 20 years. Do not pick her as somebody to try. Don't pick that one to exercise these practices on if the man in the 7-eleven wasn't nice to you when you were checking out practice not taking that personally and then you can pat yourself on the back and pat, pat, pat and um, grow from there.
Speaker 2:like I'm, I'm all about the baby steps, the big ones. Don't go for the big ones.
Speaker 1:They're really your stackers. Yes, you know honestly, absolutely, and I think that's how I started too. It was like baby step your way through things and that's like a daily thing now too. It's like you just take your time, you will get there, and the baby steps are important because that's going to build your confidence for ultimately really showing up the way you want to show up. That's a great point. Suzanne, I could probably talk to you for like three or four hours, just so you know, so fun, but our episodes don't go that long and everyone would get bored and get, we would get it.
Speaker 1:No, I really I appreciate you coming on and being on the podcast and sharing your story and, honestly, for writing your book. I really really appreciate you. I know that was not easy to do and I know that it's scary to do that kind of a thing and I just want to recognize you for that, because you have been through so much and your life has value here, because maybe you have gone through all of this and maybe the purpose is is that you are meant to show the world and to show other women like this is okay, I survived this, you can survive this.
Speaker 2:And by the way, the book is called A Woman on Top my Journey of Self-Discovery Through Love and Money. It's available on Amazon and some places in bookstores, and I also have a website which is Suzanne Lideckercom, and I'm sure Jenny can share with you the spelling of my last name, because it's very common. Yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, listeners, everything's going to be linked in the description of the podcast. You can easily access it from listening to the episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I encourage all of you to join, join the conversation, be a part of the tribe and thank you too. Like I just got this beautiful message the other day from Jenny, who I've met once, and she's like I just couldn't stop reading your book. It was so great, thank you so much for writing, and I was like, wow, that's excellent If you feel, if you would like to leave a review, jenny, on amazon.
Speaker 1:That would be great and any listeners that made it.
Speaker 2:I already did it. Yeah, okay, great. I want to push this to like the more people I can reach, the more people that really need it. Maybe you who are listening don't, but you probably know somebody that does. Life would benefit from being able to, you know, learn how to just, you know, be grateful for what they have and not get upset as much as they did. It's changed my life, I promise you, yeah.
Speaker 1:I thank you very much for having me Absolutely, suzanne and listeners, thank you so much for being with us today. We'll catch you on the next one, take care.
