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Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
Join Jenny weekly as she discusses topics that effect women in a relatable, honest way.
Steel Roses Podcast
Doris Efford on Reclaiming You and Breaking Free from the Shoulds
Doris Efford, certified life coach and founder of the Moonshot Club, shares her journey from living by others' expectations to discovering her authentic self after a wildfire evacuation forced her to reassess her priorities. Through personal stories and professional insights, we explore how to break free from societal "shoulds," identify true personal values, and create systems that honor our natural rhythms.
• Self-described as "the chaos comformer," Doris helps women reclaim their time through strategic systems
• Catalytic moments like evacuations or career dissatisfaction can prompt vital self-reflection
• Living according to external expectations often leaves us feeling empty despite "checking all the boxes"
• Understanding your values requires defining what abstract concepts like "family" truly mean to you
• The moon's 29.5-day cycle provides a natural framework for productivity, communication, and essential rest
• Resistance to change from others often stems from their own insecurities or fear of being left behind
• What others think of you reflects their filters and experiences, not your worth or choices
• Self-investment is different from expenditure – it returns time, energy, and fulfillment
• Social media and other distractions reveal where our time could be redirected toward personal growth
• Rest isn't a luxury but a necessity – ignoring your body's signals has significant health consequences
Check out the Moonshot Club and Prompted Collective by following the links in the episode description below and take the challenge to make 2025 the year you truly invest in yourself.
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Hello everybody, welcome to Steel Roses podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. I am very thrilled to introduce all of you today to our special guest. We have Doris Efford on the line with us. She is a certified life coach, entrepreneur and founder of the Moonshot Club and the Prompted Collective.
Speaker 2:Doris, welcome to the podcast. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:So I'm very excited to have you, because I researched you and I took a look at the work that you're doing and specifically around the Prompted Collective, and what you're using and the methods that you're employing. What I would love is if you could take a moment to introduce yourself to the listeners and tell them about your journey. I know we want to get to the end results. I would love for them to hear from you as a coach, but I would love for them to hear how you even got here.
Speaker 2:Excellent. Yeah, well, I'm known as the chaos comermer, and they call me that because, as a life strategist and coach, I help women to reclaim their time. I'm all about creating systems and structures and stuff like that. How I got here? Well, it's actually a long drawn out story.
Speaker 2:I'll try to skip the boring parts, but yeah, I did all the things that I was supposed to do, quote unquote. And you know, go to school and get married. I actually decided to get divorced in there and then got remarried and had kids all of those things that you know you're supposed to do and I eventually became a stay-at-home mom and kids grew. I was distracted. I was just living my life doing the next thing that came along and suddenly the kids were older, they didn't need me anymore, and so that's when things started going off the rails a little bit.
Speaker 2:I didn't know what I was supposed to do next, I didn't know who I was anymore, so I still didn't feel like I had any right to complain, because I had a good life. I could choose to go back to work, I could stay home, my husband was super supportive. On paper, my life was awesome, but unfortunately, life isn't actually on paper, is it? So at that point, I just tried to keep going, keep pushing through. As women, that's what we do. And we had a catalyst. And in 2016, we were evacuated due to a wildfire, and that really started me thinking okay, what is important here, what's important to me? And then I started reevaluating everything and questioning everything.
Speaker 2:So that's when I hired my first life coach to try to help me straighten things out. And after working with this coach for quite a while, I started to see different opportunities Growing up. I was always felt terrible about being the dependable one, the reliable one, the organized one, because that's not fun. So I mean, I wanted to be the fun one, the person everyone wanted to hang out with, not the person who made sure everyone was where they were supposed to be and when they were supposed to be there, right. So as an older adult and middle-aged in my 40s, I realized, well, you know what, maybe this is actually a superpower. And working with my coach, I started to develop it a little bit more. And one day she asked me if you could do anything, what would you do? And I said well, I want to help people discover themselves, like you helped me. She's like cool, here's coaching and here's where you can get certified. And so that's what I did.
Speaker 1:So I I have lots of comments because, what well, first of all, now that you've told the story, I can, I can make these comments because I didn't want to give anything away. Um, as you, as I was doing research on you and I was seeing, like, what your focus was, I was like, wow, you've been on a journey. You went on a journey and ended up coaching and your journey was so similar to now. I didn't have a catalyst like the wildfire evacuation, but the through lines were like there was an event that made me reevaluate my life and take a look at what I was doing, because I've said this many times, I was living up to all the shoulds. Right before we started recording. I remember I said to you I'm like, oh, you know, I was living up to all the shoulds. Right before we started recording, I remember I said to you I'm like, oh, you know, I'm starting a new job and basically I've just been climbing corporate ladder. This is what I did. The corporate ladder that I was climbing was a huge should for me. That was a huge should for me.
Speaker 1:And in 20, what year is it? 2025? In 2021. That was when I had my catalyst moment of oh my god, I've just should myself to death.
Speaker 1:And I opened my eyes and was like I am almost down a path all the way down where this isn't really serving me. I mean it's serving me like, okay, checking the boxes good on paper, financially secure, check, like you know a nice title in your job. Check like all the boxes are checked marriage, kids, the whole bit. But there was something that was gnawing at me and I couldn't, in 2021, I couldn't ignore it anymore.
Speaker 1:That's actually how the podcast happened, because I could not, I could not look away and the more I dug deeper into you know how to podcast and I started finding like all these other things and these other you know meditation, all these other practices and online coaching and all these people that I've started to get into touch with and contact through the podcast, it like opened up a whole other almost like timeline for me and it's crazy because I would have never thought of that and I know so many people that are stuck and they might not even realize they're stuck. That's the part that even drives me crazy, because I'm like, oh, should I say something to them? Like probably not, because they don't know, and if I say something, they're going to be like you're nuts, I'm not stuck, I've got everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. And, like you said, I mean, this seems to be a common thing with most of the clients that I deal with. And, like you said, I mean, the catalysts are all different, but we all get to this point where we're sick and tired of dealing with things the way that they are and we don't want to tolerate this anymore. Right, we know things could be better. We don't know what it is, how it is, because most of the time we've put things off and we've put everyone else ahead of us. Um, but now we finally open our eyes and go, okay, there's something else out there for me.
Speaker 1:I'm meant for more right yes, yes, and you know it's interesting. One of the things that um I started in 2021 was was meditating pretty heavily and I never I had thought I was doing it before and it turns out it really wasn't. And so when I finally got into the real practice of meditation and really digging in deep, um, one of the things, one of the meditation practices that I did was um, you know, you acknowledge like your younger self and you know you do a meditation practice where you imagine your younger self coming and sitting next to you on a bench and talking with you and like what would this, what would this little Jenny say? And little Jenny was really focused on helping people. She wanted to save the world. She wanted to volunteer at shelters, she wanted to volunteer with underprivileged youth. She wanted to do these great things. She also wanted to run a business, because I distinctly remember I had a babysitting business and I had flyers and the whole bit. Little Jenny was an entrepreneur. So Little Jenny had all of these aspirations and unfortunately and I know this is the same for many, many women out there is that when you go through life and you have different traumas whether they're extreme traumas or even if it's just family trauma and family strife.
Speaker 1:That is trauma that does impact you. It starts to almost strip away that purpose that you, that you had and that you felt. And that's what came exploding out of me in 2021. And I just couldn't. I could not take it anymore. And I had been saying to my cousin had started the podcast with me and I had been saying to her for a really long time, like I really want to do a podcast, I think it'd be really awesome, and I just kept sitting on it.
Speaker 1:And then I had this catalyst moment where I had a really tough situation at work and my kids were small and you met them I think you met two of them. They were little and I was stuck on this project workaholic Old me was workaholic and I was stuck on this project for a couple of weeks and I got out of the project and it was a good project, all the work was good and solid. And then I realized it hit me like a brick wall. Like a brick wall, you just lost three weeks of time with your kids and for a mom you know that that's like. I came out of my office and they looked bigger and I was like crushed and I committed at that moment. I was like this is not the path that I want to be on. You know, I'm like this is not the mother I want to be. I don't want my kids to look back on our life and be like, well, mom, at that point they used to say it all the time, mommy works all the time and they used to get upset.
Speaker 1:My stepdaughter was here the one day and I was supposed to be off and I had to take a call, which was normal for me back then and I came down from taking the call and I didn't really think anything of it and she kind of just said to me she was like and that was, that was tough. And I was like what? And she goes, when you went upstairs she was like you kind of just ran up real quick. She was like I don't think you even realized that. She was like but you're, you know my siblings like, they look crushed, they're like, yeah, mommy's on the call again. And I was like, oh God, yeah, it was. It was stuff like that that started to build up that I just couldn't take anymore, you know, and it was because I was trying to fulfill all those shoulds.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely, that's yeah. So one of the first things that I like to do with my clients is we identify our values, because we often don't think about, okay, well, what really is important to me? Because you know we're, like you were saying, checking the boxes. We're living according to what society thinks and you know you're just moving through the life you don't think about okay thinks, and you know you're just moving through the life. You don't think about okay, well, what's really important to me, to my family? You know, and even when we look at values, we never define what that really means.
Speaker 2:Almost every single client that I have has family listed as one of their top values, which is understandable, right, but what does family mean to you? Does family mean spending time with each other or does it mean working really hard, lots of hours, so you can provide for your family, right, right, so I mean they're important. Everything is important and it's very subjective. What does it mean to you? And you know there's extremes on both sides of that. Like I was saying with the time factor, some people want to spend all of their time with their family, for whatever reason. They decide that they're going to homeschool their children, they're going to be stay-at-home parents. They're going to live, you know, maybe a little less comfortably so that they can spend all of that time together. And then, on the flip side, some people spend, you know, 80 hours a week or more working so that they can provide and give their children the life that they never had. Right, right, I mean it's, it's all subjective, and those are the extremes.
Speaker 1:Usually, people are somewhere in the middle Right and honestly, like no judgment for either path, because I think there should be a balance, but it should also be like what is making you the happiest. At that time I woke up and was like wait a minute, I'm not happy. And it just occurred to me like oh my gosh, I'm not doing what I really want to do. Now I still work the same industry. I love my industry. I think it's awesome, I love it, I love what I do, I love my clients. But now it's serving me because I'm setting a boundary and saying like I'm willing to give it, give you my all for 40 hours a week, but that's it. Like that's where I draw the line. Like I have a family that I really would love. I would need to spend time with them. This podcast is a huge element in my life that you know. It's interesting.
Speaker 1:I pre-record, obviously, a lot of guest episodes. Your episode is being recorded in advance. And when last season I pre-recorded a bunch of episodes and I just pulsed them all out and scheduled them and I was like all right, great, I don't have to think about the podcast for a little while Everything was pre-done. I could just sit back and relax and I found myself getting depressed because I wasn't doing it and I was like in the cause in recording time. I'm recording and talking to people all the time and then I just throw you know, put everything up. So now this season I'm pivoting and I'm doing live episodes, like almost biweekly or weekly, like whenever I can squeeze them in. So I'm like I actually really like it, I enjoy it, like I don't want to give it up.
Speaker 2:No-transcript and Men's Shop Club came a little bit later. I started out with Prompted Collective because and the reason prompts think of, like journaling prompts or thought prompts or things like that because I really think that a well-placed prompt can change the way a person believes everything. So that's where things started. And as I got more into coaching and that I had more clients, I saw some common threads and I saw some different abilities that people had or different commonalities that they had, and so I decided maybe that I could do a group program, because there's only so much time that I have dedicated to do one-on-one, so if I had a group program I could serve more people. And I also thought that having a community of people would be fantastic because we could work with each other, Because imagine a space where everyone is working together towards their own goals but everyone's really going for it.
Speaker 2:You know and they boost each other up and they help each other along the way, and that just seemed like a great place to me. So I wanted to create that for my clients, along with the coaching that I was able to give them, and so Moonshot Club was born. Maybe I need to back up a little bit, because I've also been on the health journey through this time and becoming a nearly 50-year-old woman now. Perimenopause has been interesting, and so I started learning a little bit about and because I like systems and things like that, I was looking for something, some sort of answers, to help me through this right right, and I found some health coaches and such who were interested in using the menstrual cycle. But of course, that's not reliable anymore.
Speaker 2:So one coach happened to mention that the moon cycle is 29 and a half days. The average woman's menstrual cycle is 29 and a half days. So instead of using my menstrual cycle, I could use the moon cycle, which was fantastic, but as I learned more and more about it, there was also some different superpowers that you could get from different phases of the moon or different phases of your menstrual cycle. So because my menstrual cycle was no longer reliable, I might as well use the moon cycle. So that's where we were going with that, and the moon cycle has provided me time for action, time for communicating and negotiating, time for administrative problem solving, time for rest and then time for planning and starting all over again.
Speaker 1:So that seemed like a perfect system to me. So that's what I've included, I uh well, so firstly I want to say I found I laughed when you said it's been interesting perimenopause, because I'm like just at the beginnings of I don't know if I'm there yet, that my my OB said, by definition, just because of my age, I'm, I'm making my way there, um, my age, I'm making my way there. But I also had, you know, this health journey where I was feeling all these perimenopause symptoms, but then I also found out I was anemic when I thought I was perimenopausal. So it kind of made me kind of step back and be like all right, maybe I'm not perimenopausal yet, but I am definitely getting there. Just because I can see where my cycles are at, I'm like it's happening. That in itself, navigating that must have such an interesting impact on how you approach your clients and how, and even because in life in general, when you're going through perimenopause and menopause, the massive mental shift that you go through during that time is pretty significant. It's so significant that women don't see it coming, because you know, even like, like I will, I will say like the most I knew about menopause was like, oh, you get hot flashes, your period stops, you know, maybe you'll have mood swings, but that's really all I knew, like I really didn't know that much. And then when I had started work past couple years in women's health and I started to find out really what was entailed, and then I interviewed someone for the podcast for season two.
Speaker 1:I'm actually looking at her book right now. She came in and she wrote this book that like I was crying reading this book because women, it affects everyone differently. Some women don't remember it at all and it was like nothing to them, but some women get so hard that, you know, they contemplate suicide, they go down these dark, dark paths. And so I loved that approach that you used the 29-day cycle, because I felt like that was such a through line also to our place in the world and our place in the universe. And you know we are, you know, women. It's very interesting because if you look into history, the first signs of early civilizations was a calendar 29 days or 30 days or whatever it was and the historians that were looking it over, archaeologists looking it over they're like, well, logically, the only person that would really need to know that length of time is a woman. So, technically, the earliest signs of civilization came from us. So it's very interesting when you start to go down those paths and those thought paths. So I love the concept of the moonshot club and for Prompted Collective.
Speaker 1:This is the other area where I was very impressed with what you were using as your methods, because I just recently I've talked a couple on a few other podcasts about this, the importance of writing. And I do, in these special series, episodes or my weekly, biweekly episodes that are just me talking. I call it thought starter episodes me talking I call it thought starter episodes because I will find something that like, kind of like you're not lights me up, but I see I'll see a quote or I'll see something. I'm like oh, you know, I think I want to bring this to people's attention and I'll kind of roll it out and say like I want you guys to start reflecting on this, start thinking about this.
Speaker 1:And at night what I've started doing, or in the mornings that I've started doing, is free writing and just journaling, freehand, and I just scribble down anything that's coming to mind and get it on paper. And it's been very interesting because most of it's just, you know nonsense. I'm just talking about you know random stuff. But then I'll have these entries where I've drilled down to oh, this is why I feel this way about this, because this is what happened and this was my perspective, and I'm like, well, that's interesting, that came out of nowhere. So the idea of using prompts for guiding your path, I think is a very interesting and unique approach that you're using, I think is a very interesting and unique approach that you're using.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love, I love free writing, but sometimes it's like the first few sentences are I don't know. Oh, a hundred percent, I have no idea.
Speaker 1:One of my one of my free writing exercises was a list of things I needed to do. Like that's what I was like you have to. You have to edit this episode. You have to do these promotional materials. Like I was really, like it wasn't. It wasn't hitting the mark Absolutely.
Speaker 2:So that's yeah. So that's where prompts started coming in, Right, and so it started thinking about whatever it is that you're doing. But when I'm actually working with a client, different people have different methods that they use with their clients. For me, it's asking questions and really making them think about what they're doing, because there's nothing wrong with whatever they choose, as long as it's a conscious choice, right, and everyone has the right to live their life, however it is that they want. So long as they're not hurting someone else, then that's okay. But you should have the opportunity to be certain and not just be blindly walking through, sleepwalking through your life, right?
Speaker 1:you know, I, I just turned, um, I just turned 41 and my husband is turning. He's turning 50 this year, so he's 49 and um, we talk a lot about that where you know we, we grew up hearing about um like midlife crisis. You know, you hit these like points where you like and now, knowing what I, it makes sense that midlife crisis was like such a huge thing when I was growing up, because the age group of my parents right, they, and then this is I'm using, I'm basing this on all the interviews I've done, because and I most recently was visiting with my grandmother, who's 95, and she was telling me about how things were when she was growing up and I'm like there was really no emphasis on mental health at all. Like it seems as though people and I understand, because there was a lot of hard times, you know, in the early 1900s which makes me feel old saying that but there was a lot of tough times in the 1900s and people were truly just trying to survive and it was really just like how am I going to put a piece of bread on the table so my children don't starve? There was no emphasis on educating yourself, advocating for yourself. You really were just told, like you just got to deal with it. We have no way to get through this. You just have to deal with it. And you know, flash forward 40 years. All these people in the 80s now are in the 1980s are having midlife crises and buying. You know, that was the big joke, right, like that men hit 40 and then would buy the sports car and you know, women would be running off and, you know, traveling or whatever, leave their kids at home, like, and it makes you really think to yourself like that probably happened because of all the shoulds and just being on autopilot and just doing what you thought you needed to do to get to the next day. And that's really just no way to live your life. And I have to tell you, doris, I am like so grateful that I the veil was like taken back for my eyes, because the amount of things that have changed since I said yes to podcasting has been astronomical. Yes to podcasting has been astronomical. It's really really wild.
Speaker 1:Now and I'm not saying you know, this is where I think life coaches come in. I haven't I have access to so many because you're also, you're all here and, doris, I have to tell you I keep in touch with all the guests, so just be prepared for that. But I frequently like, I frequently reach out and I'll be like hey, like, do you mind chatting today? Can I get on your schedule? Let me book a session with you guys. And I reach out to all these coaches.
Speaker 1:This is really an amazing thing to me that everyone is leaning into coaching. You have these wonderful people like yourself that are coming to the table and saying you know what I've been through this, I know what you're going through, I can help you to get to the next step, because there's so many people still in the dark that don't really know. And it's very hard and I think I said this a few minutes ago it's very hard sometimes because I do find myself almost biting my tongue a little bit to be like Jenny you can't force people down this path. You can only lead by example, and if they happen to ask you about it, then you can talk about it, but you can't force force it upon anybody. But I think that's where you would come into the mix here is to help support people who just have a feeling like I think there might be something more.
Speaker 2:Exactly yeah, and that's the thing with with coaches. Good coaches are not going to give you advice, they're not going to tell you what to do. They're going to help you examine what's already inside of you, because it's not for us to judge what your path is supposed to be. Me doesn't mean that it's not the right path for you, or? You know, I hear a lot of divine timing recently, right Knowing when, the right time. There's no way for me to know if this is the right time for you.
Speaker 1:That's up to you and your higher power, right I, um, I just uh episode that's airing in a couple of days today.
Speaker 1:You know we're, you know we're in January here, but some of what I'm talking about in this season three that you're in in the winter spring series is paying attention to yourself and really understanding and learning yourself. And I know that sounds a little strange, because we are living in our own bodies for our whole lives and you're living in your own brain your whole life. But when you're on autopilot you really aren't listening to yourself. And the very first time I really started to gut check myself was in 2010. And it was when I met my husband and we just started dating and I, you know, I would kind of gut check with myself like am I happy? Is that when I lay down at night at the end of my day, am I content? Do I feel like I'm at peace? And as long as the answer was yes to that, then I'm going to continue down my path.
Speaker 1:Because you know, whenever you make changes in your life now, if somebody reaches out to Doris and you're starting to make positive changes, there is some blowback from people around you. It's inevitable, because I think in some instances people will see you making changes and it says to them oh, and it starts to reflect to them I'm not doing well and it makes them uncomfortable because nobody really wants that pointed out to them. But then it also makes people uncomfortable because they're going to say to you like, oh, you're changing, this, isn't you, because you're disrupting their idea of you. So that's the first right's like. The first initial thing that people will experience is that, like they'll probably get some blowback from people around them.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and there's a number of different reasons why they might get that blowback, but the main thing is that I forget who said it now, but they said that whatever other people think of you is none of your business. Oh, yeah, I've heard that. Yeah, because, yeah, because I mean everything that a person thinks is theirs.
Speaker 2:That's through their filters, of their experiences, of their beliefs, their self-beliefs and their beliefs of the way that the world is around them. So, whatever they are thinking, that's theirs, that's not yours, and so you can only live your life according to your beliefs, according to what you want, and try not to impact. Of course you're going to impact other people, but try not to absorb that impact from them, because if they might be feeling like they're afraid you're going to leave them behind, they might be feeling like, um, they're, they're feeling bad because they're not changing and they're seeing all these wonderful changes in you and they're not changing. So you know, there's they're jealous to say honestly, yeah, the old word that yeah and um, there's tons of reasons why they might be feeling the way that they're feeling, based on the filters that they've developed through their lives.
Speaker 1:That's not up to you.
Speaker 1:No, and what I used to also say to myself, because it was tough, it was hard to do that, but again, I'm so thankful that I did it. But I used to also say to myself I'm like, well, whose life are you living? Am I here for you to live the life that you want me to live or am I going to do this for myself? And the resounding answer has to be you need to live your own life because you are going to get to a certain point where you're not going to be happy. You can't, you know, keeping up a charade. You can do it your whole life. You can go to your deathbed not living the life that you want. I know people that are probably going to do that, but then you haven't really lived and you're here on this earth for such a short period of time that wouldn't you want to just really lean in and leverage the resources, like Doris here today, to say I really want to do this for myself and invest in myself. Now, that was another issue that I always had. I never really invested in me, and and by that I mean like something just for me. I don't mean like, oh, invested in your education, invested in you know, like I mean like literally, something that was just going to be helpful to me. I never did it before and in 2021, when I had that like grand awakening, which truly is what it felt like, that was the first time that I tapped into taking coaching courses online and having help and having support, and I took this At the time I had no idea how I was going to afford it, because I don't want to give the wrong impression here. Like I had at the time when this was going on, I was struggling financially and it was paycheck to paycheck and it was really, really stressful and we had just purchased our house, so it was really stressful and I was scared, but I knew in my gut that I had to get these courses. Like I had to join this online community because I needed to see what was next. Like I just had this gut feeling which is what I had started to say like check in with yourself, like intuition. We've been taught, especially as women, to ignore it and you're crazy and you're just you're being crazy. Like literally, like that's what we're told. We're fed all this like BS, but the reality is your intuition is there for your safety, and I remember having this feeling like I have to do this. So, again, I had no idea how I was going to pay for it, but I made it happen and I remember just thinking to myself like this is an investment in me. I've never done this before. That money that was spent has come back so many times over just because I did that. And it's such a big deal. And you know what I had started to think to myself.
Speaker 1:Now, if you're listening to this and you're like, jenny, I'm really struggling, I'm really broke, I have nothing and, believe me, I hear you.
Speaker 1:The fact of the matter is, if you really look at your budget, I am certain you will see things on there that you're like well, I did not need to spend $300 at this store for this, you know, and that's actually what I had started to do, doris was I started to look at it like and that's actually what I had started to do, doris was I started to look at it like, jenny, you waste money all the time on dumb stuff. Like, put it here for now. And that's where I think people get scared and they're like well, I don't have money, I can't do this, you can find it, you really can. You can find the funds for it and you can put it towards something that's going to matter to you. Don't stuff it in a sock drawer, don't honestly, maybe blow it on a vacation, but you need to do this too, like this is important. It's critical to your future. It's critical to your current wellbeing.
Speaker 2:Absolutely and um, something that, because I do a lot with, uh, with time, I work closely with personal resources and money isn't really so. You spoke earlier of it being an investment in yourself. It absolutely is an investment. It's not an expenditure. So an expenditure is something that you just spend money on. You don't really get much back, Whereas an investment makes you money or makes, gives you more time back, whereas an investment makes you money back or makes, gives you more time back maybe not literally, but if you put, let's say, I help you create a system in your life that can sometimes gain you some time a little bit later on, so you can spend it on something that you enjoy, right, and it's all about figuring out what's important to you and you were talking earlier about self-awareness, and that's absolutely true.
Speaker 2:Once you become aware and you start to see what it is, it is important to you, aligning your life and investing in those things. Or money audit on someone. Right now I'm asking the listeners here would I look at your accounts and your calendar and see what your values are, or would I see a bunch of expenditures?
Speaker 1:I love that you said that, because I also heard that recently and the person said she was getting pushback. She was with a group in a big workshop setting and she was saying the same thing. Like you can find the time, because women, we're always going to be busy. We are always going to be busy. And I remember even when I was starting the podcast my husband was like when are you going to do it? It's like we've got three small children, you have a full time job. Like when is that supposed to happen? And in the beginning it was at 5am Because I was like I have no idea when it's going to happen. And now it's very interesting because now my kids know they are very proud of the podcast, so they everyone kind of gives me the space for it now. But I didn't know how I was going to do it in the beginning. You know, like my aunt said to me recently she was like how are you doing all this? And I'm like I'm not sure. But you make space for what you want to make space for.
Speaker 1:So this woman that I heard one of her talks recently, she said she's getting a lot of pushback from women in the audience saying like we don't have time. And she challenged everybody and she was like I want you to open up your phones and look at the time logged on the different apps on your phone. She was like and if you can all let me know how much time you're spending on social media apps, we could probably find some time for you to do X, y and Z. Now I think social media is is wonderful I love. The internet is big deal to me. Like these are great, great important platforms here. There's a lot of stuff out there that I don't care for, but there's a lot of good out there and if you're tapping on the good and you know looking at the good, you're going to get more of that. That's a great algorithm for that, but it's also, unfortunately, really mentally impacting a lot of people because you scroll through picture after perfect picture after more perfect picture, and then you start to look at your life and you're like, oh my God, what am I doing? Like, ah, my life sucks. I'm doing the same thing day in, day out. I'm not doing anything. This is terrible. My husband is this, my kids are that, I'm this, and that's where I think people get really wrapped around the axle and they start to just go down this darker path of like I'm not good enough, my life isn't good enough, and then you just go deeper and deeper down that tunnel.
Speaker 1:And one thing that I consistently will say on here is that, like social media can be good, but it has these negative things here. And if you look at your phone right now as you're listening to this podcast, and you see that you're spending eight hours a day looking at social media, if not more, like my phone is fairly low because I'm not on social media. So it's like LinkedIn is like the highest one because that's the only one I really tap into. Youtube is big, but that's only because my kids look at YouTube on my phone. But if you're seeing like 10 plus hours locked a day, can you imagine the amount of things you can do with that time? Like that's a whole other career you could have. That's a whole window of opportunity that you're opening up.
Speaker 1:So to say you don't have time is nonsense. And I will also say this my husband says that to me a lot because he works out. That's his thing. He really likes working out. Doris, he consistently is trying to get me on board with it and I really want to, but it's not in my soul. So I do it because I know I need to. Especially in your 40s, we like we're losing muscle, like we really need to be working out, and I and his thing is always like, don't tell me you don't have time, because you can take 15 minutes and do it. And and as I say it to people, I'm like, oh gosh, I'm not a hypocrite, I swear I have the same problem you all have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's all about intention. So, like you were saying, there's nothing wrong with social media. It's a place where some people connect, it's a place where people network, it's a place where there are a lot of good things that happen in on social media. But it's being intentional. So if you're going to go on social media, you're going there for a purpose. And maybe if you find, like me, I go on there for a purpose and then I get distracted and spend a whole bunch of other time doing other things on social media, maybe set a timer, oh yeah, so that you don't spend all of that time, or at least when the timer goes off, it's like, oh, that's the prompt to be like, hey, most of my free time is driven to like well, for a while I you know, doris for a while I felt guilty about having free time and I always felt like I needed to be doing something.
Speaker 1:So, like, during my anytime I had downtime, I'm like, well, I should read this book that I've been trying to work out, or I should write this article, or I should do this. And only in the past couple of months have I stopped doing that and started to slow down even further. And one of the things that I started doing recently especially this past week that I was off I've taken naps and I have. I know, I know, wait, I have to tell you this was like the biggest luxury for me, because the last time I took a nap was probably when I was four, like I didn't even nap when the kids were little, like when they were babies, and I was only getting two hours of sleep a night and I was working like 20 hour days. Like I basically was murdering myself and my soul. Like I was not, I was in the worst health of my life. I was probably like 200 pounds more heavier than I am now. Like it was a very dark time for me. So most recently I've been like, Jenny, if you're tired, why don't you just go lay down, you know, and like stuff like that. And it's funny because my family now they're getting used to it. But the first few times I did it everybody was like are you all right? Are you sick? What's wrong? Are you okay? And I was like I swear, I just I'm just taking a break, I'm just going to lay down and take a little nap and then I'll be okay. I took one earlier today and I was like, oops, so it's just taking that time. To slow down is really important. And you know, I will say this, your life is going to show you signs too that you have to pay attention to.
Speaker 1:The week before Christmas this year my whole family came down with the flu and my husband was really frustrated. He was getting really stressed out because he's like we're so close to Christmas, like what are we going to do Our plans this and that? Stressed out because he's like we're so close to Christmas, like what are we going to do our plans this and that? And I said to him after a couple of days I was like, look, if we have to be home for Christmas, then maybe we're supposed to be home for Christmas. Maybe this is just the universe pushing us to say, like you need some time as a family to just be together. And so I wasn't normal. I used to get really mad when we would get sick, and now I look at it as a sign from the universe. God, whomever you think about, as Jenny, you need to slow down. So that's what I do now. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's wonderful. I'm so happy to hear that and that's a huge piece that I have to work so hard with my clients on is taking that rest, and that's why I've incorporated it as part of the cycle right. So at a certain point during the moon cycle, if you don't have a menstrual cycle or if it's not regular, that certain point you're taking more time for rest, more time for self-care, more time for you and getting in touch with yourself. Yes, you need to do it regularly anyways, but even things like brushing your teeth or taking a shower.
Speaker 2:That's self-care right, and for some people that's all they have time for in their day. So during that week if you can plan a little bit of extra time to, instead of having a five minute shower, you have 20 minutes you know, or something like that.
Speaker 2:Just switching it up just a little bit, having the neighborhood child come and watch your kids so that you get a chance to have a quiet bath or read a bit of a book or something like that is so important. There's a lot of studies and I'm not a healthcare worker so I don't really know this other than what I've heard and read. But there's so many studies that show how detrimental your health gets when you don't get rest.
Speaker 2:And a lot of health professionals are saying the number one thing to improving your health is getting the right amount of sleep.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, and, doris, I'm going to back you up on that, because when I was at my worst after my kids were born I think it was 2019, 2020 was when I really started to pay attention, because I was just feeling so miserable and I remember it was like three years after my kids were born that I finally got myself to the doctor. So that says one thing there, like I wasn't even paying attention. And I went to the doctor and I was. I was frustrated at the time because I was trying to lose weight and I was like cause I was obese at the time, like it was, it was a bad situation and I was like I don't understand everything I'm doing, it's not coming off. I tried Weight Watchers, I tried keto, I tried this, I tried that. Like I was like nothing is working. I was like nothing is working and so we started just going through my stuff.
Speaker 1:And then I got to the sleep and I was like well, I don't really sleep, I don't really get good sleep. And she was like what does that mean? Like eight, like six hours? And I was like. I was like well, sometimes it's like two. And she was like, oh my God, like two hours, that's not minutes. Kids would wake up. One, two, three would wake up. I would get everyone back down. That would take like an hour. I'd get 30 or 40 more minutes one, two, three. It was a consistent because I have three kids. My son was born in 2016. The twins were born in 2017. So they were all going through that stage of like still needing to wake up at night at the same time.
Speaker 1:So there was a stretch of about three and a half years where I was not getting any sleep and the doctor, just kind of, she, just she put her notebook down and she goes to me listen, your body is not going to do anything right now because it's fighting to survive. She was like you are taking years off of your life and I was actually kind of pissed off when she said it and I shouldn't have been mad at her, but I was pissed because I was like what am I supposed to do? I have babies, I don't know what else to do and I have a job. I have to work. What am I supposed to do Now?
Speaker 1:Granted, I will say this and I'll admit this readily I never asked for help from anyone. I tried to carry everything on my own. So I know that that was a mistake on myself, but as soon as she said it, I started to really I tried my hardest at the time to get what I could, so on the weekends I tried to extend and sleep a little bit more, but it really stuck with me and that's why now, all these years later, I'm like if I feel tired just like what you said especially depending on where you are in your cycle you have to rest. Your body is telling you like you need a minute, don't take another shot of espresso. That's not what you need to do. You need to lay down. So that's what I do now and I I I'm hoping that I'm helping things out. I have hopes.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure that you are the uh. Your adrenals, your cortisol, all of it will help.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I have high hopes for it. Doris, I've had such a fun time chatting with you. By the way, this has been like so lovely to talk about this. I do really believe that you are a tremendous resource to your clients. So, listeners, I do want to just tell you I'm going to link Doris's information in the description of the podcast. If you're interested, you should really just reach out, even if you're not 100% sure. Just reach out, just start asking questions about it and see where it can take you, because this is really critical and a challenge that I've been issuing on some of my podcast recordings for season three is I would really love to challenge at least five of the Steel Roses listeners to take 2025 and run with it and start leaning into these practices that we're talking about here. So reach out to Doris for support If you're interested really in scaling your life and making massive changes like this is it? This is the path, like. This is your sign. Doris, thank you so much for joining us today. This is the path, like this is your sign.
Speaker 2:Doris, thank you so much for joining us today. Well, thank you so much for having me. I love this. It was like a little chat.
Speaker 1:It's like my favorite thing. Listeners, we appreciate you being with us and we will catch you on the next one.
Speaker 2:Take care. Thanks everyone.
