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Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
Join Jenny weekly as she discusses topics that effect women in a relatable, honest way.
Steel Roses Podcast
Mekdela Ejigu on Beauty, Identity, and Inner Child Healing
Mekdela Ejigu, author of "Plus Size" and beauty justice activist, shares how her memoir connects pop culture consumption with personal experiences to reveal intersecting systems of oppression that shape our identities and perceptions.
• Started writing during political chaos to ground herself, discovering connections between media consumed and lived experiences
• Confronted racial blindspots in America through personal experience and critical analysis
• Discussed how childhood experiences become "the air we breathe for the rest of our lives"
• Explored inner child healing as a pathway to authentic happiness and fulfillment
• Examined how media portrayal of unrealistic beauty standards damages self-image
• Challenged ageist narratives that tell women they "expire" at 40
• Revealed the connection between toxic beauty products (like hair relaxers) and serious health conditions
• Advocated for beauty justice and body diversity across all institutions and media
Find Mekdela at plussizebook.com, on Twitter and TikTok @plussizebook, and on Instagram see below!
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Hello everybody. This is Still Roses podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. I'm very excited to introduce all of you today to our guest. Today we have with us McDella Ejigu. She's the author of Plus Size, a memoir of pop culture, fatphobia and social change. She's also a beauty justice activist and body diversity advocate. She has a feminist studies pre-law BA and a public policy MA graduate, with over a decade of community organizing, policy advocacy and communications experience. She also worked with the Ethiopian Diaspora Fellowship in Los Angeles. She promoted leadership and creative storytelling while training Ethiopian Americans to work for partner organizations in Ethiopia. Magdala, I mean wow is like an understatement and also welcome to the show. I mean this is it's amazing to talk with you because you're doing so much and you're giving back so much. I read about you in advance and I'm just I'm very honored that you chose this podcast to come in and talk and introduce yourself. Thank you.
Speaker 2:I'm really enjoying talking to you too.
Speaker 1:So, mcdella, why don't you take a moment, introduce yourself to the listeners and maybe talk a little bit about how you decided to author your memoir, the Memoir of Pop Culture, and even I mean your policy work? Anywhere you want to go, I mean, the listeners are ready for you.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Hi everybody. My name is McDella and I am the author of Plus Size, a memoir of pop culture, fat phobia and social change. I am also, like a lifelong advocate and activist, including beauty justice activist, but I've noticed that all systems of oppression are connected, so it all kind of overlaps.
Speaker 2:And how I came about writing my book is that I was a community organizer in communities of color in Los Angeles right before Trump was elected in 2016. And it was just complete and utter chaos. I mean, we were running around like chickens with their heads cut off and I was just sent into free fall. And so, in order to like kind of ground ground myself, to like find something that I could like hold on, to like something concrete to stabilize myself, I started writing a blog, and this blog I just, you know, I just kind of like was sorting out my thoughts and my memories and experiences, and it it went all over the place, right, but it just started with my childhood and it became about the media that I had consumed throughout my life and how it ended up mirroring what was happening to me, and I realized that there was a connection, and so that's what inspired me to compile and create.
Speaker 1:It's interesting. Well, how do you phrase that up? So I want to circle on a couple things. I think all minorities and all of us those of us who are in, you know, mixed marriages and everything we're all very nervous during that time, and even in the recent time, like I mean it's very hard to describe it and, honestly, like I'm like tip of the iceberg because it's just, I'm just interracial marriage, but to to for me to witness the other side like firsthand was not shocking, because when we started dating, that was more of the shock. And I actually want I'll, and I want to talk about that for a minute, because I know that you also are well-versed in critical race theory too. So I'll talk about this for a second. I I, when I started dating my husband and I'm going to admit this and I feel so stupid but I actually came into the relationship and was like no, but like racism isn't a thing anymore, right? And he was like well, we met in 2010. He was like what are you talking about?
Speaker 1:And he actually got and I feel I feel really stupid. Honestly, I feel stupid saying it because that is like such an example of the bubble, yeah, and like because I obviously wouldn't know. There's no way I would know, there's no way I would ever witness it. There was no, there's no way I'm going to pay attention to it. I had no idea.
Speaker 1:The only time that I started to actually see things was when we would go out together and I started to see how people reacted and I was like is that are you kidding me right now? Where we wouldn't get served at places we were getting pulled over like consistently and I was getting pulled out of the car and they were basically being like Are you okay? I'm like that's my, my boyfriend. Like what are you talking about? Like there was these consistent moments of like oh my God, like Jenny, like open your eyes, kind of thing, and the part that was more not shocking but became more of a wow, like you know, the Caucasian race or the white race, the you know other people, like we were not seeing these things and we're turning a blind eye to all of this stuff. We're turning a blind eye to it. And the part that was like disturbing for me was, like my own family being like, what are you talking about? Like you're crazy, like, no, this is in your head or no, you're overreacting. And I was like, oh my God, you're gaslighting. I was like, oh my God, and it was like this whole big mind blowing like thing. So that in itself, like I know, I know that time was was very, very frightening for a lot of folks.
Speaker 1:So I want to commend you on finding something tangible like your blog to channel everything into, and then from your blog, being like I have something here that can help other people. Yeah, so I haven't, I've never written something like I've never written anything, period. I mean I'm working on something right now, but I mean, how, how did it feel to pull together your thoughts in that way Because there's obviously something very personal and then to put it into paper? I mean, how did you know, like, what to focus in on? Like, how did you take it, take away from your blog and decide, like these are my main points, and I haven't read your book yet, so I'm asking the question very cold yet.
Speaker 2:So I'm asking the question very cold.
Speaker 2:So I, you know, I realized that it told a story, like with the media that I had consumed and how they kind of mirrored my lived experiences throughout my life, like over time.
Speaker 2:I realized that it told a story and so I I wrote that book to tell that story. And it's not linear, right, it's nonlinear, it kind of jumps around in terms of time and my life, but it really I feel like it really illuminates how systems of oppression you know, racism, sexism, classism, ableism, capitalism, colonialism how they operate in the world, how they shape our lives and how at least the media, during the time I was raised, kind of echoed that. It kind of gave it a platform for which people would internalize those things and then become, you know, the very people enforcing these systems in their personal lives. And you could say that is true for the media today as well. I mean, it's promoting, and it's not just the media, there's other institutions. You know the medical industrial complex, the beauty industrial complex, even the school system. You know there's a lot of other institutions that also uphold these systems in their ways.
Speaker 1:You know I can, I can speak to the medical quite a bit because of the work that I do. And it's very interesting again to see the other side of the curtain because I work in marketing and communications and so I know what goes into the thought process for we're going to launch this product. How are we going to launch this product Like? What are we going to do? Are we going to launch this? You know like and I understand like the backdrop to a lot of these things. So when I do see stuff playing out and I see commercials or I see like and I see how the commercials are set up, my job on my side of the fence is to create this content, you know, for these, for these large organizations, and so when I see the targeted, the very targeted and very specific things that are put out there, you can tell, you can very definitively see and I don't know if it's because now we're all just much more aware of it, but you can see the agenda pushing and you can see that there is a, there is a reason. We, we want you, you need to see this Like. We're pushing this in your face.
Speaker 1:I see it in my children's TV shows. It's the wildest thing I've ever seen in my life. But we'll watch. Like you know, we don't always screen everything. You know. Like it's. What am I going to? I'm not going to spend hours a day pre screening shows that the kids are watching, but we're always within the vicinity and I'm painfully aware of like the media images that are being pushed to my children, because when I was growing up and I'll go more towards like the fat phobia, like that side of the fence when I was growing up, the image was always like you know, the very slim, tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, very princess, that's all you got and that was.
Speaker 1:It's never been me. I'm tall, but I am nothing, you know. And and so when I was growing up, I and I remember like I saw a post recently actually, that was saying like you know, no wonder why all of us have had like eating disorders and all this crazy stuff. Because they showed images of like it was like Bridget Jones's diary, there was like a Beyonce, like there was a bunch of them, and it was like we were told that these people are fat and then they showed pictures and I'm like, oh my God, by no means were any of these women overweight, but the storylines and the plots around all these women were like oh look, she gained, you know, five pounds. Or oh, look this like.
Speaker 1:And it was a constant like oh, you know, you need to look like this certain way, like this is what's being funneled to you. So for a very long time, I felt completely out of place Because by the time I was 11, or 12 years old, I was like five, six and I think I weighed like 140 pounds. I was like towering over everyone in my grammar school and I felt like there was something wrong with me and I was like, oh, like I'm like a freak, you know, and it's that kind of messaging that you know, I'm very aware of and I try really hard to teach my children differently and while they're seeing all these images before they get inundated when they become teenagers, I'm trying to address it now, that's very good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're lucky to have you.
Speaker 1:So a little bit more on your book. So it's pop culture, fat phobia and social change. So did you use social media in your study of all this Like? Did you pull through elements of like, because social media is like a huge thing where I mean everyone's getting their information from social media and like even health information, like everything's coming off of social media now. So is that really? Is that where you started to pull through like, through lines for everything, and to see like looking up information?
Speaker 2:reading up on these topics and and I ended up, I guess, the research kind of stuck in my brain, because when I was writing this I literally just I didn't even have to search for it. I just remembered off the back of my head like what studies and articles and research that I read in the past and that I was able to cite. And it just shows how education works right, like it's not just a one and done. You read these things and you understand what they're saying and then you kind of like internalize it, you incorporate it into your own, your viewpoints, or at least that's the goal and that's kind of what happened to me. So it was like I didn't even have to really seek out because I just remembered what I had seen in my own like studies. And yeah, that's what I hope for readers to, that they're able to like digest and just internalize it into their lives.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have to tell you because that's the way that you retain the information it the book it's. I'm very excited to to tell you because that's the way that you retain the information, the book. I'm very excited to read the book because that alone, like I can understand that I love reading. I don't get to do it quite as much as I used to, but now, because I read so much when I'm younger, when I was younger, and I mean I started, you know, obviously, kid stuff when I was a kid, but the older I got, the more I was like I need to expand my knowledge. I can't just know this one thing, I need to really understand. You know, x, y and z.
Speaker 1:I I would pick up like just topics and I was, like you know, like, for example, like at one point I was like I'm, I was born and raised Catholic but I'm not practicing. So I was like, oh, let me just pick up this book on the Vatican. I've never, I don't know anything about this, you know, let me look it up. And I was like totally shocked because this book that I picked up was not about, like you know, traditions and Catholicism, it was about, like, the history of the Vatican, which I was very surprised to read that, like you know, the Pope used to have concubines and like all this stuff and I was like, oh well, that that's interesting because that means that the church has like decided that we're going to just kind of go, you know, pretend like that didn't happen and you know, like it's very interesting.
Speaker 1:So I'm a really big advocate of like, look it up. Research. It don't just take something at face value. Put the time and effort into educating yourself. I've seen a lot of women on Instagram not Instagram, excuse me on LinkedIn is the platform that I'll always go to for like stuff and just reading information, and some of the women that I follow have said that they're like, don't ask me to educate you, educate yourself. Here's some resources. Go, go look it up, like figure it out, because the whole point is like what you said. You know, if this is something of value to you, you're gonna read about it. You're gonna read that article, read that book, whatever it is, you're gonna retain it, and then that's going to be imprinted with you and like just like how this book came together. This was like all these things that you were already interested in and then you were able to produce this book, and this book is, I'm sure, having an impact on everyone who touches it?
Speaker 2:Definitely, yeah, one of my favorite things is reading reviews, and people talk about learning so much, even though it's a very compact not very, it's a very quick book, under 100 pages but they learn so much and they enjoy it. It's interesting for them and they take away so much from it too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited to read up, read about it. So what? So what else are you doing right now? So you wrote the book. Is there outside of the book? I mean, is there a book too? Or is there like, is there outside of the book, I mean, is there a book too? Or is there like, is there something else that you think that, from the book, you'd like to communicate this message to the listeners today? Is there like a, a topic you think that would be really important for you to speak on?
Speaker 2:definitely. You know, I am um kind of marinating in the back of my head a book too, and the topic would be on healing my inner child. You know, because I definitely touched on my inner child. You know, inner child in the book. You know some of my essays were written from her perspective because it kind of charts, you know, the formation of my identity and my mind from very young and you know, even having been in therapy. There's this one quote from one of the therapists that I used to work with, and she said childhood is the air we breathe for the rest of our lives.
Speaker 1:And I do.
Speaker 2:I do touch on that in the book and I kind of want to like expand on that in the next, in another book. But it's so true, like the more I live, the more I realize, like how much you know. And it makes sense because our childhood is when we first you know our brains are the most malleable right, when we're learning about the world and our place in it and ourselves. And especially if you have traumatic experiences from that time, it can really like make or break you. It can really like get stuck in your subconscious, your psyche, and then literally shape every single experience you have afterwards. Yeah, there's even science about that, like ACEs, adverse childhood experiences, about how traumatic childhood experiences lead to, or they're more likely to lead to, you know, physical and mental health diseases later on in life as an adult, because it's you know, it's still impacting you throughout your life. But of course it's not all doom and gloom. Like there's ways to to heal right, there's ways to heal that, to get you know, to get your life and yourself back, and that's where the healing, the inner child, comes in. And so it's a very fascinating, fascinating topic. But on a more positive note, there's also research on how making your inner child happy can lead you to fall in love with someone. It could just make you a happier person in general. Just being in touch with your inner child and what you used to love is kind of the key to happiness as well. Like, for example, it would be like maybe grown women who really wanted to play with Barbies when they were younger, or even maybe grown men or non-binary people who were not assigned female at birth, who really wanted to play with Barbies or toys that are associated with girls as a child, but they weren't allowed to, either because they couldn't afford them or their parents were Exactly so as an adult, you know. Say, like giving a gift, gifting that person like a Barbie doll, you know, could really make them happy and it could really make their inner child happy and heal something that was, you know, previously missing or that was hurt, you know.
Speaker 2:And there was this one, there was this one article. I don't know if it's scientific exactly, but they said that that's like a way to get somebody to fall in love. Like, if you want someone to fall in love with you, one of the best ways to do that is to um, to give them something that they they didn't get to have in childhood that they really wanted, or to remind them somehow of their childhood, obviously like a good or like happy aspect of their childhood, not a traumatic one. Um, and somebody commented and I don't know if this is true, it could just be a wacky rumor, but it really amused me they were like that's what Meghan Markle did. Meghan Markle wore Princess Diana's perfume on her first date with Harry and I'm like that's a perfect example, or I'm sorry, meghan Sussex you know what I will say.
Speaker 1:Perhaps it was that, in combination with the fact that she also is not trying to grab the spotlight, you know, I I did pay attention a little bit there and Harry was never one for the spotlight and Megan embodied a lot of that, and I think that's what it was and I wanted to add to what you're saying because you're absolutely spot on and there what you can expand on a little bit more past, like the physical, like a present, and it's also maybe you're bringing safety and peace to somebody that had a really tumultuous life and was just seeking out some peace in their life and you're the person who brought it to them and that's really going to fill them up from, like that childhood and it addresses those childhood needs. If you are and I've said this on other podcast episodes if you're feeling really unfulfilled in your life and you are stuck and you feel like because I, you know, 40s is like the year, the age right, where we all like reexamine ourselves and and I've noticed that I've seen people myself and everybody going into their 40s and I'm like, oh, we all kind of did it, we all had to reexamine our lives and one of the things that, like, I've noticed and I knew for myself was I had to a couple I started a couple years back where I was getting like I'm feeling stuck. I'm feeling like I I went down this whole path of corporate because I felt like I needed to go that path, or I should go that path, because that's the success and that's the money and that's where everything is. And I got to a certain point and I was like, oh my god, I feel like my soul is being sucked out of my body, exactly like I'm doing this now, and I'm like really not happy because I'm not spending time with my family and my priority is like working 15 hours a day. I'm like this sucks, like I don't want to do this, like and I went through this whole period of almost like rediscovering Jenny and it sounds so like hippie dippy, but like it's legitimately, like this is a legitimate practice and it completely changed my life. And I went through this whole like online virtual course. I was doing other stuff, we were doing business things too, but we also talked about this part and I think I might have told you in my, in our intro call, I did this, this meditation, that I because I meditate every day too, too. So I, when I was learning to meditate through this course, the meditation was addressing your younger selves, and so it was like a 30 minute guided meditation and you address like your child, and then you address like teen or mid 20s, you know whatever like intervals you felt like were necessary.
Speaker 1:When I addressed like child Jenny, I was like sobbing. You know, like you, you go so far and you're like, oh yeah, like I've accomplished a lot. I have money, I have the house. Like I have the cars None of that actually matters, like that's all.
Speaker 1:We've created this whole like society where you need these hot cars, you need this big house, you need to go on vacations, and now social media is like taking you even further. You need to be showered with flowers and you need this and you need that. You don't actually need any of it. The real root of your happiness is going to come from yourself and it's going to come from inside. So if you're broken because you never really addressed your childhood and you didn't acknowledge all these times in your life that you've gone through and you're not embracing it and acknowledging it and paying homage to it, then that's where you're going to feel broken and that's when you're going to start feeling disjointed and disconnected and you people will live their whole lives with this disconnection and continuing on down a path of like, oh, I should do this, I should be doing that, and they're not really addressing that inner turmoil and then they die. That's it.
Speaker 1:Like you know, we only really well, I don't know if I believe it's only one shot at this, but like, let's say we only get one shot at this, like let's do it, let's do it Right, let's address that inner child and that you know what you've gone through and bring it to the next level. When I did that, I also remembered how much I used to like being creative. I haven't been, I hadn't been creative in years Like I mean I, I used to love to. I did creative writing all the time when I was a kid, all the way up through high school. I did it until my parents divorced and then broken.
Speaker 1:Jenny like just tossed it out the window and just stopped and that's where, like and it you know the whole journey I went through brought me to this podcast and it brought me to being, you know, a podcast host and it brought me to developing it and launching it and wanting to do all this and that's why I'm always like I will get on a soapbox and I will talk about it for forever, because I'm like this is really crucial. Like so many of us are disconnected and disjointed because we're not addressing these inner things. We were told growing up to just kind of sweep it under the rug and to like keep your head down and keep moving forward. And you know, mental health wasn't a thing for our parents. Like they didn't address that. I don't know about your parents, but my parents weren't like real big on like oh yeah, mental health, make sure you guys are okay. That wasn't a thing when I was growing up. So now it needs to be and we need to be paying attention to this.
Speaker 2:I'm so glad you brought that up About, you know, being a woman in her 40s and, you know, starting to realize how your inner child wounds have been still kind of present all along and working through that. One of my actually maybe the favorite show I have right now that's still airing is called yellow jackets and it's it's about that, pretty much the dramatization of that. It's it. It's a um, a split show, so like half of the time of the show is spent in modern day right in to 2025, depending on the season and the main cast are women in their 40s, and these women are still living the aftermath of what happened to them when they were teen girls. They were on a very competitive high school soccer team and they were flying to a competition and they got into a plane crash and they landed in the wilderness in the middle of nowhere and they had to survive there in the wild for 19 months. Oh God, yeah, yeah. 19 months. Oh God, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so the you know the first episode starts out with the 40 year old women contending with, you know, reporters that are still like at their throats, trying to get the whole story, the scoop of what really went out when, what really went on out there, because there was a lot of rumors, you know, about cannibalism and things that they had to do in order to survive.
Speaker 2:But the 40 year old women are like nope, like they have like a patch that they're not going to say anything to the press and you see them just trying to live their lives, but they're still literally and metaphorically haunted by what happened in the woods and what they did.
Speaker 2:And so the show, like after we see them in the present day, the show flashes back to when they were teenagers, from the plane crash and through the 19 months, and it kind of like builds that story of like what happened out there, and then we see them, and then we go back to seeing them dealing with the aftermath 20 years later, and so there's this kind of continuity between the teenage girl and the woman that she becomes right. So we see the connection, the continuity and how that traumatic experience is ultimately shaping their lives, you know, 20 years later, as women. And so I feel like it is really about trauma and healing. Also it's like a Lord of the Flies situation, where it's about, like, the inherent brutality and viciousness and violent nature of human beings, especially in like survival situations, but also kind of like your past coming back to haunt you, right like there's a literal supernatural element where there was something in the woods with them that was stalking them and it it might have caught up to them in civilization, and so it's. It's really good.
Speaker 1:I like that yeah, is that on netflix? Like, can you give me more? Like where is that? Where's that streaming?
Speaker 2:the first season is on netflix, uh, but the whole, like there's three seasons. At this point they're in the middle of airing the third season and that's that's on fridays at 8 pm on paramount plus and showtime online, and I think it's on showtime if you have cable uh sundays at sometime in the night I'm gonna check it out when I have.
Speaker 1:It's so funny, like every time I talk with a new guest I get like a new recommendation. I have like a notebook full of like I need like a couple of weeks of Jenny time. Yeah, I'm gonna bother me so I could read all these books. And because it's like I mean everyone, whenever someone comes on the podcast, you guys always give me like great recommendations for things. Um, no, I, I do.
Speaker 1:I I've always known, you know, I was very interested in psychology when I was growing up and I and mental health disorders, unfortunately, were rampant in my family, but I was not doing anything about it, just, you know, medicating, and so it's. I think it's important to. So it's. I think it's important to to really address the root cause and to be able to get past it. And you know and I'll use an example too of like anxiety, I have terrible anxiety. I and I was sharing this with my cousin the other day that I I have anxiety when I leave my house, like when I have to go drive far distances by myself. I get anxious about that, and that was like a new thing that happened in the last couple of years. I've never had that problem before, and so I, I self talk myself through it and you know, there's I think there's a large part of once you do the work to understand yourself and to understand where there has been trauma or to understand, like, where things might have gone wrong, then you can take the next step and saying like, well, actually I know how to address these things as they come up, because it never actually goes away.
Speaker 1:The reality of it is we do go through these things in our life. You recognize it, you honor it, understand like it did happen. I went through this thing. It doesn't even have to be that traumatic, to be perfectly honest with you. It could be anything that impacts your life. And then you kind of you move on from there.
Speaker 1:The trick is, when you do have the trigger again and you start to have your trigger response is to be able to say I actually know what this is and so I get anxiety when I'm leaving the house, when I have to leave my kids and my husband, I get anxiety about it. I'm like I'm leaving my nest, I'll leave my children, and I immediately start in my head like I've woken up, like from like. So my most recent trip that I had to take was for work and I had to get up like in the middle of the night to go, you know, do something, do a meeting, and I was driving really far out of state and so well, one I started recording a podcast episode on drive because I was like I'm so anxious, like let me just talk this out to my listeners. So that's kind of what I did, privately in my head.
Speaker 1:I will talk to myself and be like All right, jenny, you're not actually in any danger, not really anxious right now. This is just like your mind and this and that, and you know that this isn't real and it's okay. You can get through this and it's a matter of understanding and recognizing yourself. And then, like you can move forward from there and it truly it sounds super simple and it's like no, it can't be that, but it is. Once you do the work to get through everything and you can recognize, like why do I have anxiety, or why am I feeling like this, or you know I haven't addressed certain things, like you can then move forward from there, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Exactly. You know and you think like you said. You think if, even if you are happen to be successful, you get married, have kids, have a nice house and car, you think you're past it, you think you don't have to worry about that anymore. But you know, as you said, you do, cause it catches up to you and you have to address it.
Speaker 1:Exactly. And you know one thing I want to talk with you, too, about um before our our our session is done. Um, because we've talked about the inner child and I touched a little bit on you know that that I was raised, was raised Catholic, but I don't really practice anymore the spirituality element of our lives, and because I very deeply know that there is something bigger and grander out there that I'm very, very well aware of it. You know, I being Catholic, it's very interesting.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of rules when you're Catholic, like lots of them, and one of the things that, like, you're basically told like this is it, this is the only way, this is it. Everyone else is incorrect, this is it. And, as I mentioned, you know, when I had read that book on the Vatican, when I started doing my own research on things, I realized how much human hands had manipulated the story. And I use this, I use this at work too. I always say, like, whenever human hands have touched something, then there's room for error, whatever it is, and it has to go to editorial that's work Right.
Speaker 1:But in life, I'm like, well, if human hands have touched that, that means somebody had an opinion and they shaped this exactly what they wanted this to be, exactly so you really have to, for your spirituality, think to yourself about, like, well, what, what's the roots here? What am I going to get back to? Because there's no way that there's only one religion. There's no way, it's not possible. There's so many beautiful religions out there. I mean just beautiful, beautiful customs and traditions that really lift and raise the spirit, that are not Catholic. And I'm like, how could these beautiful, these beautiful religions be, you know, condemned just because they're not like going to this one particular church or, you know, following these one particular rules? My mother, by the way, if she ever hears this episode, will be very upset with me, like she'll be very mad that I'm even talking like this.
Speaker 1:But to me, spirituality is really like it's from within and it's something that connects you. For me, I call it the universe, the grander universe, you know, and it's energies and it's an exchange of energy, and that's really to me like that's the root here and that's something that I've practiced now for like three years and I've done it through meditation, I've done it through like a lot of different practices, but that's actually what I lean more into and I'm going to be honest with you. As soon as I started leaning more into my spirituality and these practices of meditation and affirmations and really, really like the chakras and all this stuff, it just makes so much sense. It's like the light bulb has come on, if you will.
Speaker 2:It's so funny. When you said that, the power generation, just the power generator, I thought literally came on.
Speaker 1:I know, yeah, right, kind of freaked me out a little bit, I'm like oh did I just illuminate her so funny.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, no, thank you so much for for telling me this and, um, I love hearing from you, know, women in a different generation from me, um, as you mentioned that you're in your 40s and and like you were kind of like in the same strain that you were saying, like I think the reason you know, especially women, I mean people generally, but especially women, um, in their 40s and onwards, but sometimes even like anybody, any woman over 25, right, like, if you know, there's this idea like if you're too old, uh, for leonardo dicaprio to date you, your life is over, basically, and so and that's the idea, there is this very terrible misogynist idea that a woman's prime, or, you know, women, only matter when they're in their early 20s or even childbearing years.
Speaker 1:Is that what you're yeah, yeah, patriarchal thing to say?
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:That's your value. Is that young, fresh and be able to produce lives?
Speaker 2:That's it Exactly young, fresh and be able to produce lives that's it exactly, and it's tied to our beauty standards, which are very much like you said in the beginning, which is what I saw from the media. Growing up, you have to be, you know, white, white, uh, very thin there was no, there was no representation at all, like exactly very thin, straight hair and also young, like you had to be in your teens or early 20s.
Speaker 2:That is beautiful, and so so people have this idea, especially, you know, for aging women, uh, especially, but people in general, they kind of just like give up on themselves after a while. They think that you know their lives, your life ends at 30. And you know, you're just kind of cruising after that and so, and beauty standards are part of what is making people feel that way, and so that's another thing that I love about yellow jackets and the representation it. You know the stars, stars, you know women in their 40s and also you know their teenage counterparts, who are being played by teenage actresses, of course, but it shows you that you know. It kind of like promotes the idea of like life doesn't end at 30 you know, you know it's so crazy because you're absolutely right, by the way.
Speaker 1:I mean, I remember as I got older. First of all, I'll say this I met my husband when I was 26. And I remember at that point I actually had already felt like I was getting too old. Right, yeah, I need to get married. Oh, my God, oh, the clock is ticking If I don't get married now and have kids in two years. Like I don't want to be, like an old mom. So I got to make sure that I got to get married quick. Well, first of all, my husband was like no, we're not. Like he like put the kibosh on that. He's nine years older than me. So he was like no, like he had already, he knew and he had experience already. He already had two kids when we met and he was like no, like no, I learned so much from him. It was like it's astounding just because he was older and able to like really be like no, like this is nonsense, like really think about this, jen. Um, but the ageism is there and I remember being like my friends were all getting married again, like everyone was married by 25, everybody and I was. I was like the last man standing and because, and they were like, why are you like, oh, you don't want to get married? I'm like, well, I'm kind of like focusing on my career, I'm trying to build that like so I could, you know, bring something to the table. I don't want to just get married. Like that seems crazy to me, like I need to be able to stand on my own two feet.
Speaker 1:Lots of things on LinkedIn where you know the female quotient that's one of the ones I follow Like they have like really great stuff that they put out and they had they've been putting stuff out, and one of the, sarah Jessica Parker, just was on a post where she was like talking about how, when they had the new series come out you know the post, like the older series of sex in the city, and she was like the comments were like so horrible to the women about how they looked old and this and that, oh, you have gray hair now. She's like, well, so does you know this guy over here? But nobody's talking about this guy's gray hair. Why are they so focused on my gray hair? You know there's been a lot of women that I've noticed recently and I've talked to that no one's died. A lot of women are not dying their gray hair anymore, like they're starting to embrace it.
Speaker 1:And I don't dye my hair, I'm letting it go. I'm like I'm getting gray hair. But you know what I earned that gray hair. I've lived half my life. At this point Like well, not half, I'm almost there, but I've lived almost half my life. Of course I'm going to have some gray hair and I feel distinguished by that. I'm distinguished by I don't love the wrinkles, but I'm distinguished by this because you know what I earned all this. I earned all the stretch marks with all these babies that I had. And I'm here to show up as, like Jenny Benitez, the person, not like the shell of the human being that the media tried to wrap into this little package and be like oh, by the way, you're done at 40. And now you have to just take a step back and just not do anything else with yourself, like this is the best time I've ever had, because I actually truly know myself now.
Speaker 1:It never, you know, like you get to a certain point in your life and you're like what? I just figured out who I am. Like, I've been figuring it out all along and I had points of clarification, but this is the first time that I'm like no, this is Jenny. Like I'm Jenny, I'm showing up as Jenny. I don't really care what anybody else says about it. Like you could, everyone can have an opinion, that's. That's the other thing. I'm like you can have an opinion about me. That's totally fine. You're welcome to your own opinion about me, but I know me too and I have an opinion about me too.
Speaker 2:You know it's really funny. I went to your LinkedIn profile and I saw the exact video that you're talking about.
Speaker 1:I posted it.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I mean, let's go oh my God, yes, and yeah, sarah. I heard Sarah Jessica Parker and, like she, her hair is blonde. Though that's what she was saying. She was like they said my hair is gray and it's not even gray, it's like she dyes it blonde. And then she has a picture of her next to this younger guy, but he's gone, completely gray and she's like but nobody talks about that, you know.
Speaker 1:And you know, you ever see, like all those posts about, like you know, women on the red carpet, like they're being asked about like, oh, what's your outfit, how are you handling being a mom? And it's like, well, we're not asking any of the guys this like, and that's part of the whole. Like you know, media is crafting the story and the story is always like oh well, you know, if you're a working mom, you, you don't have the support of society, you just don't. I can attest to that. No structure is set up for women to succeed professionally, like none of it. The only reason why I've gotten as far as I have is because I work from home and my husband stopped working for a couple of years so that I could further my career.
Speaker 1:There's no reason why it worked Amazing, yeah, which is obviously. It's actually a little bit funny because he's very machismo, so we like flip for a little while and it was very funny for everybody, they're like what's happening.
Speaker 1:But, honestly, the only. I had his support and you know he he's been great in a lot of ways with that. He took on the brunt of like. We have three children. I have twin girls and a little boy, and my son was born in 2016. The twins were born in 2017. And then the pandemic happened and everybody was shut down and you know, we had to make a decision and you know, because my job was virtual, I was like I'm going to, I'm going to continue on. He was in construction, so he stayed with the kids and you know, we just that was the only reason why it worked, because I speak to women all the time now that have to leave the house to go work and they have to travel and they have to do all these things and they're going crazy because they were. Just. Society is not set up to support us.
Speaker 1:It just isn't, and we're banging it down the door now, but it's going to take time. It's going to take a lot of time to get us to where we really need to be.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely, and I think it's great. I applaud the women that are not dyeing their hair Because it takes a lot of work. Because of my genetics, I literally started graying at 25, but it's like society says you're expiring. It's the worst. If I was all gray like I would absolutely just be rocking it, but it's like a problem. Only like a little bit has turned gray. Yeah, I feel crazy.
Speaker 1:I have like streaks of it kind of happening at this point. I thought it was like well, the other day I thought it was like a blonde highlight and it's not at all. It was a straight up gray highlight. My stepdaughter is a stylist, really great stylist. She's doing really a fabulous job with her, her career and she asked me all the time, whenever I go to her to get my hair, she said do you want it, do you want to color it? And I'm like I'm good, I'm all set. I'm like well, also, don't get me started on putting chemicals into my hair. Like I won't, I don't do that either. So I'm like that's smart.
Speaker 2:That's smart. Yeah, that's also beauty justice, because I did do work educating people about the toxic chemicals and like beauty products, including like hair dye and like what you put on your face.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's relaxing. I had no idea I had. Oh well, that's like you know, and this is I digress a little bit. I just learned hold on, I have to form the whole thought. I think it was last year I did an episode on it the relation with uterine fibroids and black hair care exactly exactly.
Speaker 1:My god, like I. I couldn't believe it. I also this goes to the media that we were talking about. I also couldn't believe how it didn't get any airtime. I was very upset about that because I worked in women's health care for a while, a couple of years, and uterine fibroids was one of the things, one of the disease states that I focused in on and I'm like, oh wow, it predominantly affects African American women.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh wow, Like I wonder, why that is.
Speaker 1:Like has anyone done any studies? Whole time that I was working on women's health, not one person ever said anything to me about that connection. And then I happened to overhear my husband was looking at something on social media and he's like just flipping and I heard like five seconds of a video and I was like, oh, could you go back to that? And he went back and I was like let me fact check that. And I started looking it up and then I didn't.
Speaker 2:I did a whole episode on it.
Speaker 1:So I'm like is anyone aware? Like does anybody know this? Because we have whole generations of women, these wonderful women they're really strong powerhouse women that are losing their fertility because they don't know that the products that they're using to relax their hair is actually causing uterine fibroids. And you're using it from whatever age. That starts all the way through adulthood.
Speaker 1:You are poisoning your whole body and you're not even being told about it. There's no disclaimer, there's nothing on the box Like like blow it blew my mind. I was so upset about it. I was so upset when I found that out.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. That's like some of the work that I was doing, like in the black community in Los Angeles, was just educating about. You know the harm of like put the toxic relaxers right to make you know curly hair or afro hair straight, how much chemicals are in there and how it was. There are literally lawsuits right now that are tying it to uterine fibroids and breast cancer and cervical cancer and all of this stuff. You know, and it's crazy, but we're trying to do that and we're trying to move towards like organic and safe, you know beauty products for the hair and the face. But the thing is is that what we've seen is that we'll lobby a company to remove like toxins and they will, but then they'll replace it with something that we eventually realize is also toxic.
Speaker 2:Exactly so. It's very. And then, of course, like the FDA in the US never really protected its people, it never really screened out the chemicals that it needed to, and so that's a whole other thing. So it's actually like healthier to buy like skin products in like Korea or like in the European, because they're actually regulated like well, and so the craziest thing is we're sitting here in the US thinking that we are protected.
Speaker 1:We're like the you know, cream of the crop kind kind of a. No, we're run by. We're run by industry. That's what we're run by. We're not run by anything. We are run by industry and industry is making the policy. That's really what it's boiling down to exactly.
Speaker 2:And then now we have an administration that's like not even hiding it, they're like that's their whole front, like let me tell you.
Speaker 1:If my cut, my cousin, used to be my co-host on the show, and if you two got into a room together, you probably have a lot to say to each other. Because she's she. I always tell her you know how you said you, you started blogging because she gets very upset and she gets, she gets very worked up and so I'll let her kind of go and then I'm like listen, we can't do anything about this in the moment. Let's just you got to figure out a different way, exactly what you did your with your blog and like channeling yourself there.
Speaker 1:I actually do want to bring that back up before we disconnect that or before we hang up that. You know you taking that on and using that to channel like where what your thoughts were. I think that's such a really great way to not let things be stuck in your head and rattling around in your head, because then you're going to be like driving yourself crazy. But yeah, it's. You could, we could go down a rabbit hole for like hours talking about honestly like my husband and I talk about it all the time like oh my god did you read this like did you read you know we're not supposed to be eating this either.
Speaker 1:I'm like, oh my god, like it's crazy. Um, thank you so much for coming on. This has been such a fun conversation conversation, by the way, I know we had like we weren't like fun topics, but talking with you has been like I've really enjoyed it. Honestly, you're you. You show up very honestly and truthfully and I really appreciate that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you too. Actually, it's very fun talking to you. You're like a very fun personality, very bubbly, which I also have, so it's perfect, tell yes, yeah go ahead like I was saying um, because I'm like so young, I'm like not ready to have like patches of gray so I do dye my hair and it takes, it's hard work and like, but I use henna, which is like a natural ingredient, so it's not chemicals, so I definitely recommend that to anybody listening.
Speaker 2:If you have, you know, gray hairs and you'd like to dye your hair, uh, try henna and there's other like natural products and they really work too. And it's long lasting for me, like I, I literally only diet uh like um every six months. But the reason is because, like I, because I have black hair, I only like wash my hair every week, once a week yeah, I'm like.
Speaker 1:I'm like twice a week. I don't, I don't do it every day. That's crazy exactly, exactly. So it doesn't like wash out the the head up, but yeah so, and it's only like nine bucks at like, honestly, that's a good solve and honestly and I do encourage people to start looking into alternate like ways to color their hair if you really want to do that, yeah, it is. It's bad. I was not in my hair blonde for years.
Speaker 2:I'm like, oh god what have I done?
Speaker 1:not anymore. Um, well, thank you so much for joining us. I'm going to link listeners, um, I'm gonna link the book in the show notes and I'll link any resources, mcdella, that you want to share with the audience. If you have any websites, you want to point them to. If you have a website, let me know and we're going to link everything into your description and that way, the listeners can reach out to you. And you know, look at the materials.
Speaker 2:Awesome. Yes, I have a website plussizebookcom. Literally lowercase all together no spaces plussizebookcom. You can find me on Twitter and TikTok at plussizebook Same thing, lowercase, no spaces at plussizebook. And on Instagram it's at mcdellaa. And on my website there's a contact page that has all of this. I also write articles on media that I've been watching that I didn't write about in my book on Medium, so I have a Medium blog where I also share insights there, and on Medium it's just my name Megdela M-E-K-D-E-L-A, and on that note, I haven't written anything on Yellow Jackets. But one thing that's a real sell is that it has Melanie Linsky, who is one of my favorite actresses and she also happens to be plus size. Right, she happens to have like a fuller figure in a Hollywood landscape where everyone is super tiny, and she's talked about it before and she does great work and we love representation.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Well. Thank you so much for joining me today and listeners, thank you for joining us to listen into the discussion, and we will catch you on the next one. So take care, everybody, and have a great day.
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