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Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
Join Jenny weekly as she discusses topics that effect women in a relatable, honest way.
Steel Roses Podcast
From Grief to Global Sisterhood: The Journey of Stacey Ray
Stacey Ray shares the transformative journey that led her to create Sisterhood Travels, a travel company focused on building community and empowering women over 50 who often feel invisible. What began as a way to process grief following her husband's passing has grown into a vibrant community of nearly 45,000 women who support each other's journeys of self-discovery.
• From healthcare professional to travel entrepreneur after experiencing the paralyzing grief of losing her husband
• Fighting society's expectation that women should "shrink and disappear" after 50
• Building a travel company with a mission focused on community rather than just destinations
• Creating safe spaces where women can authentically connect without "mean girl syndrome"
• The concept of a "me-moon" - time women dedicate to themselves without guilt
• How travel teaches women not just about other cultures but about themselves
• Women developing confidence to tackle challenges beyond travel after their experiences
• The transformation that happens when women prioritize themselves after decades of putting others first
• Helping women rediscover their authentic selves apart from roles as mothers, wives, and caregivers
Visit SisterhoodTravels.com or join their Facebook community to learn more about how women are supporting each other through life-changing travel experiences.
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Good morning everybody. This is Steel Roses podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to educate or elevate women's voices. I am excited to introduce everybody today to Stacey Ray. She is the founder and CEO of Sisterhood Travels, a trailblazing tour company dedicated to empowering women through curated, life-changing travel experiences. With a personal travel record of over 80 countries, Stacey's journey began alongside her late husband, Mike, whose adventurous spirit inspired her belief in the transformative power of travel. Following his passing, she channeled her grief into purpose, creating a safe, supportive space for women to explore the world and themselves. Today, Sisterhood Travels is more than a travel company. It's a vibrant community where women forge connections, build confidence and rediscover joy through thoughtfully designed trips that celebrate independence, sisterhood and self-discovery. Stacey, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Hi, jenny, thank you so much for having me it's an honor I love your podcast, by the way and what a pleasure to be able to talk about whatever we talk about. So basically, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:So I know I'm excited and I told you right before recording why I'm excited to have you with me today, but I'd love for you to share your journey with the listeners, not just about like where you are now, but what were the pieces and parts of your life that brought you to Sisterhood Travels and turning something that maybe was just an idea into a whole community.
Speaker 2:It's so funny that you asked me that today because I literally just wrote something about that. But, in a nutshell, I was in healthcare for 30 years and, as we all know, healthcare is very stressful, but travel was always my outlet. I started traveling when I was, you know, independently away from my parents when I was 19. And, fast forward, my husband and I spent every dime of our discretionary funds, I'll say, on travel, and we just loved traveling the world, and we, I think the thing for us was that it was not only an adventure, but it was a way for us to learn about the world and other people and not rely on what we read or what we hear. And you know, some of our greatest moments were spent in cafes, outside, meeting local people and getting to know them, and you know we loved that.
Speaker 2:In 2017, my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer and it was 11 months from diagnosis to death and for the next two years, I was paralyzed. I was paralyzed mentally, physically, emotionally, you know, to the point where my daughter would send me texts have you eaten today, have you taken a shower today? And, um, I started thinking about what am I going to do? Um, all my friends, if I wanted to travel. All my friends are working or they're with their grandchildren. The money, the time, the interest. You know how that story goes, yeah. And so I kept thinking there's got to be other women out there that are in my boat, that have no one to travel with. And I had been in the travel industry and you know I was. I wasn't really the person who would book your honeymoon. I was more like doing groups and corporate groups and things like that as kind of like my side hustle.
Speaker 2:And then I decided, you know what, I'm going to start a group for women, I'm going to create a tour for women and see if it takes off. And so I started creating a tour to Iceland. So my husband and I went to Iceland long before. It was cool, and we just started going back and back and people say why do you want to go to Iceland? We were like you have no idea how amazing it is. You know it's incredible, Anyway.
Speaker 2:So I created the trip, I started this group on Facebook and I decided I was going to call it Motherhood Travels, because it said exactly what I wanted it to say. I wanted a community where we can make friends. That was even almost more important to me than the travel itself, Because so many women, especially over 50, you know they're isolated and they're lonely and we live in a virtual world and it's you get lost. We live in a virtual world and you get lost. You can't make friends who or we feel like we can't make friends who want to do the things that we want to do. I started the private Facebook group and I had about 250 people in the group who I swear were like my friends and family, 90% of them. I had great interest in my iceland trip.
Speaker 1:And then covid. I was gonna say, covid, yeah, exactly, you know, it's funny whenever I have people on and I'm like, oh, tell me your story. Covid isn't everybody's stories.
Speaker 2:It's like and then covid you know it's funny because you know we used. We used to when I was growing up. It would be BC and AD, like before Christ you know, but now it's like before COVID, after COVID.
Speaker 2:Exactly Everything. You're right, everyone I talk to same thing. So I actually ended up going back to the hospital. I came out of retirement, went back to the hospital, went to the ICU for 19 months with the COVID patients Wow, yeah, that was. You know, that's a whole nother story of but and this is going to be a really odd thing that I'm going to say to you as horrific as it was and as much PTSD as all of us now have, apparently all of that death started to bring me back to life, and I don't know how to explain that except to say that I realized I don't have to be one of those people and I can't keep staying paralyzed, and so I swore that if we were going to get past this, I was more committed than ever to Sisterhood Travels, and so I started to see the light in the summer of 21. And I started to put the company back together, but even with a stronger mission because of all the isolation that everyone had been through that this was going to be about community.
Speaker 2:It was going to be about women being there and showing up for other women. Travel was the vehicle to do it, and so that's how we started. We kicked off and, shockingly and at this point, I was doing everything myself creating the trips, designing the trips, taking all the reservations, working with the suppliers.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, because at the beginning you're a one-person show, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I was stunned at the response and we grew exponentially overnight and to this day we have never advertised, we have grown organically. From that 250 women, we now have almost 45,000 women in that private Facebook group that are very engaged, highly engaged. You know, because we all look at those numbers when you have these. You know, of course, like you know, I see a lot of other type groups where they'll say, oh, we have 150,000 members, but in reality engagement is nothing and ours are not bots.
Speaker 2:These are real women. We vet them all, and you know, to the best of our ability. So, anyway, to make a long story short, we, um the women, just were amazing, jenny, amazing caring, kind, compassionate, supportive women, each of us with a story story, I mean we all have a life story right, but it started to occur to me as I met these women and listened to these women and traveled with them.
Speaker 2:At this, at when you're over 50, you start to feel pretty invisible. Yeah now, I know that's getting a lot of buzz these days, but I've been saying it for a long time, because there's this expectation that we kind of shrink and disappear and we don't have much to bring to the table.
Speaker 1:I mean, I was just going to say that because the reception is well, you're done, You're not going to have any more kids, it's not like you're going to get married, like you don't have any of those milestones, you're done.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and we're so used to taking care of everybody else.
Speaker 2:We take care of our families, our children, our spouses, our jobs, our community. Who's always last on the list? Oh, we are. I'm a problem. Yeah, You're always last on the list because that's what we are ingrained to do, that's the societal expectation. And we start listening to all those voices in our heads and we start feeling like we're doing anything for ourselves.
Speaker 2:Hearing the stories of unimaginable loss and tragedy and challenges that so many of our women were going through, I realized wait a minute, this is transformational. Because these women were coming back and they would say to me Stacy, you changed my life. And I would say, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, I have not changed your life. Sisterhood Travels has not changed your life. What we've done is given you a vehicle. You're the one who found the grit and the courage and the resilience to step out of whatever it is you're in and take this leap. I mean, jenny, we have women who have literally never flown before or flown alone, that will somehow find the courage to get on a plane in LA and fly to Europe to meet 24 women they've never met before. It's magic.
Speaker 1:It's, I think, the key element and you mentioned it, I'm taking notes as you talk it's that bringing together for the community. Because, even as you said, as an adult woman it is hard, especially right now. My kids are small. A lot of my friends are mothers of my kids' friends, so it makes it easy for me to make those connections Right. But if that wasn't there, as I get older I'm not engaging with anyone anymore, like to and to be perfectly honest, like my social circle is my family really at that point? Like that's my social circle, and then, obviously, like the mom friends, once you get older, like how are you making friends? And then you do feel alone, you do feel isolated because what else is there Once no one needs you anymore.
Speaker 1:If you have never stepped up and said I want to have this little thing for myself that I'm going to cultivate and take care of. Well, if you don't have that, then you are actually going to become very lost and now that I'm saying this out loud, that loss of the community and people around you, compounded with, if you have lost your spouse, compounded with menopause.
Speaker 1:If you have lost your spouse compounded with menopause, will basically push a lot of women over the edge and they are depressed and they're feeling totally lost. So to have, I could see that I could see me doing something like that, you know, and I told you, like you know, a few minutes before I'm like, I'm going to pass you along to my aunt and and and have, you know, and even, like my mother and my other aunts, like they all like to do, they like to travel. You know, after my parents separated, my mom made it like she had. She was not. You know, before she got married she traveled. And then she got married, had kids and life, and then, after my parents separated, she had always said she wanted to go to alaska on a cruise. She was I'm going, it's happening she didn't happen.
Speaker 1:It happened, yeah, and this is somebody who was, like, you know, stay-at-home mom, like just had a small little job on the side, but her focus was her family and she was able to do that. And then since then she's gone to ireland a couple of times, like doing that for yourself. You know, the travel is exciting and getting exposed to another culture is exciting. But there is something else there that you know, like internally it's I don't even know how to say it like not a cleansing, but it's like an awakening almost.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's a um. So I'll tell you. What I've seen is how many women are building life skills. They never knew they had Right. So I'm going to give you a perfect example. My husband always took care of all the what we always laughed and called the man things, but I've never taken my car to be serviced in my life. I hate doing that.
Speaker 2:Well, it took me over two years to even get the courage to have someone else take it, but because I was afraid to ask for the help and this and that. But two years ago now my husband had gone seven years. So it took me five years to one day. Because what I would do is I would drive past these places and I'd be like I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it, and then I would drive past because I'd be so nervous. And then, two years ago, one day, I said that is enough and I drove in. It was almost like I jerked the car, had it done. They were asking me questions. I was like like they're like which wiper blades do you want and which oil?
Speaker 1:do you want?
Speaker 2:I just looked at my go.
Speaker 2:Okay, give me the best one, I guess I don't know um, bottom line is that moment of that first of doing that for myself was so huge. And that's what we're seeing with these women. So when they go on a trip, now this is a big deal for them, they've never done it before. They come back and they start doing things like I did, yeah, because they're learning I can, yeah, I can, I can, I can. And they're learning. I'm not done yet, my life isn't over. It can be anything I want. And all of a sudden those outside voices start to slowly go away and they dissipate and you know what we find. And this is interesting. So I love when you're talking about, like your aunt and your mom and you know passing us along and appreciative I am, but you can't believe how many kids and I think a lot of times it's well-meaning, believe me they kind of lead the parents to not do this Really.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Interesting. Yeah, because they'd be like I don't know, do you think you should they worry about because I think they see their parents as a more vulnerable person, a because they're older and B with the loss of, say, a spouse. They feel like they're very protective of the mom. Like I said, very well-meaning, okay. And I don't fault anybody and please, if I could make one PSA, everyone should be vetting anybody that they go with. Oh yeah, absolutely yeah, but it's like they're afraid for the parents you know, that they'll flop or you know this won't work out and they'll be unhappy.
Speaker 2:But what we find when the moms or grandmothers or the women say wait a minute, I'm doing this for me. They are so transformed by the experience. I always say travel does not just teach you about other people. Travel teaches you who you are. Yeah, because you start to learn internally. You know not just what you're capable of, because you know navigating travel on today's world is a yeah complex, yeah.
Speaker 2:And you have to be flexible. You have to have you know travel in today's world is uh yeah, and you have to be flexible. You have to have you know adaptability. But it's not just about the other people, it's like you learn. Do I have biases that I didn't realize were there? Do I have expectations that everywhere I go should be Americanized and all those things? So it's great, but the most magical part is watching these women literally so many of them from the airport to the first hotel. They have new besties already that they were in the car with.
Speaker 2:We have a very strong policy no being girl syndrome, we have a code of conduct and we're not going to let you or anybody else ruin someone else's vacation with toxic negativity or oh, that's good you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have you mentioned it earlier, like um, when you're talking about like the group and the community that has come together and and just now even saying like what you said, it's, it's very interesting because I had done like a virtual community course the one time and everybody who came into that course really came into it with like a positive vibe and we all have bad days, like that happens but everyone who came into that course and there was thousands of women in this course that I got to engage with I made I actually came away from that course with some good friends. That.
Speaker 1:I still like engage with virtually, like they're not in the same state, and maybe it's not, we're not going to talk every day, but it's still like you know, because when you create a space that's safe for women and the importance of physical safety is is huge Like that. So that's one thing I want to want it to also point out about your group itself. Yeah, beyond the community and beyond, like the safe mental space, you are creating a physical safe space, because I remember when I was very young, before I got married, everybody was, you know, partnering off everyone's getting married. I was the only one left.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the only one left, poor Jenny, and I remember saying to my mom like this isn't like I have, I'm working, like I want to travel, but who am I traveling with? When I'm going to go with a bunch of married couples, like I don't want to do that right. And at the time, you know, there was nothing like this and my parents very much were like no, we don't want you to travel by yourself, like a woman alone traveling is actually quite dangerous.
Speaker 1:And so they really like kind of put that you know fear in you yeah, so I held off and I was like all right, I guess you know I won't get to to do so this creating a physical safe space even is like quite a big deal. And then, beyond that, it's like it is like an awakening and an opening for a woman to really step up and say like, well, this is mine is mine and I'm going to own this and you're right, that will spur and splinter off into well, I did this.
Speaker 1:Like that means I'm strong enough to do this. And one thing I also do want to highlight too. You know a lot of what I read about, because I didn't start the podcast until I was about 38, 37, 38. And a lot of what I read about women who have these great successes later in life. They didn't start it until they were in their forties, like late thirties, early forties, you know, mid forties, whatever. Yeah, because that's the moment of. I almost feel like I've said it a couple of times I feel like I've gotten a second shot at life here. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I know, you know what I mean, yeah, but it's like I've got because in your 20s you're, you're figuring stuff out, you don't know who you are, you're going all different directions.
Speaker 2:Although you love to think you know boy did I think yeah right, right. What did I think?
Speaker 1:No, I remember, I remember very much thinking, I know, and now I'm like no, you did not. In your 30s, you're developing your career, if you're getting married, if you're having kids, but there's all these bigger other things outside of you. But then that's also what pulls from you, right? Because that's what you said. We're always here for everybody else. I am here for my family, I'm here to take care of them and I am. I love it. I don't mind it, of course, but it does end up making me.
Speaker 1:Last, when I started the podcast, my cousin originally was one of the founders and it became she couldn't do it anymore because of her schedule. This became something that was like a like a escape for me, and I explained to you. You know, when we hopped on. I was so excited to work with you this morning because I had to take a month off for my daytime job and it was draining. I love my day job, I love who I work with, I love what I do, but it's very draining and this is something and I was excited. I logged in, I got all my recording tools up and I was like whew.
Speaker 1:I own this.
Speaker 2:Jenny gets to be Jenny today.
Speaker 1:Yes, I get to own this thing and this thing that has turned into something really great. And I'm listening to you talk about your travel community here and I'm like you know you said it also earlier like everybody has a story. Every single woman that you could talk to, any woman, yes, If you get down, drill down to it a little bit, just below the surface level, there's a story and it's so inspiring.
Speaker 2:You know I was just watching. I'm not a big you know video person on I'm becoming more interested in watching all these clips. But anyway, excuse me, I just saw a clip last night of someone was interviewing Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin and the question was how important are women's friendships? And Lily Tomlin was like they're just so important. And then Jane Fonda started to talk about why and what she said was which is what you just said women go deep.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We want to know what's really going on with you, and not from a voyeuristic perspective. No, nosiness, most of the time, I mean, there are nosy people but it was so profound when she said that and I said that's exactly what it is. And then she went on to say, you know, men don't do that. And I said, well, I don't know what men do. That's what I'm thinking in my head, because I don't know if they're deep or not.
Speaker 2:You know that's but it's true, because what I notice is, especially when I do travel, you know, with our our, which is what we call them they're not just our travelers or our clients, they're our sisters. Their willingness to share maybe not every detail, but their willingness to share is so generous because that's the only way that we can stop feeling like I'm the only one in the world this has ever happened to. Nobody can understand what I'm going through. You know, and that's you know because you are younger and building your life. I want to say something, because I you know, we have a lot of outliers that travel with us, that are, you know, in their 30s, or we have 18-year-olds that come with a mom or a grandma.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But if I could say one thing to younger women, it would be start now, yeah, putting yourself first. Have you ever heard of a me moon?
Speaker 1:No, okay, oh, like baby moon, honeymoon, a me moon, that's right.
Speaker 2:Oh, keep going Me moon. I don't care if it's one day, one week, one month. Every woman on this planet deserves to have a me moon. It takes work to allow yourself what we consider a privilege to have that time. But what good are you or any of us, to the people that rely on us if we haven't recharged, rejuvenated, stepped away, treated ourselves to something you know a day at the spa could be your me moon if that's what you want.
Speaker 2:I used to laugh and ask my husband do you mind if I just go to the hotel around the corner? I'm just gonna go there by myself and read a book for two days? And we'd laugh, but he really wouldn't have cared. But um, a me moon is so critical for our survival and young moms are especially prone to being last yeah, last on the list, because you know we love our children and we're supposed to put our children first. But you know what? You can put your children first when you take a me moon, because they need a mentally, emotionally and physically well mom that's what I was just gonna say.
Speaker 1:You can't and I didn't. I, I learned this, unfortunately, the very hard way, just like many other women out there, and my first starting in 2016, when my son was born. Yeah, 2016. It took me, yeah, yeah, to think about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, starting in 2016 when my son was born. Yeah, 2016. It took me, yeah, yeah to think about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah starting in 2016 when my son was born, through 20 covid, through 2021. Yeah, I did not prioritize myself for about four years or five years and I remember I got to a point my health was really not good and it wasn't anything serious, but I was in very bad physical shape and I was only sleeping, burning the candle. Feel guilty that I'm a mom. So I'm going to work.
Speaker 1:I'm going to work like enough for three people, and so I would work until like 3am every single night. Meanwhile, my babies, you know, my son was born in 2016. The twin girls were born in 2017. And so I was consistent, I was up every two hours like with them. So, on top of my work schedule and then the child schedule, I made sure they got their shots, I made sure they had their appointments, I made sure they were good and healthy and well-loved. But in the interim I was like falling apart. I was falling apart mentally, physically, and my husband would always say to me like you, you you have to go work out Like you got to go do something.
Speaker 1:Do something because it I was just really in a bad physical state and what I started to happen to me was I um, I was getting really depressed and I didn't want to leave the house anymore. And you know, I got. I had gotten severely overweight because of my, because of the, because I haven't the kids, and I never lost it and I just kept gaining and it was just. It was a very difficult time for me because I just was not prioritizing myself. And so I went to the doctor cause it didn't it's interesting Cause in the moment it didn't register. Like you're doing this to yourself.
Speaker 2:Like right, Right. What's wrong with me?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was like I was looking for some outside like cause, and it just didn't click. Like Jenny, you, you were doing this and I went to the doctor and I was like I'm having a hard time losing weight and I my joints hurt and this is bothering me and this is. And I was like kind of just listing everything out, and the doctor sat there and just talked with me and she was like, well, what else? Just talked with me and she was like well, what else, what's this? And I explained and then when I got to my sleep and I was like, well, I'm only getting about two hours of sleep a night, but it's spread out throughout the whole night.
Speaker 1:It's not like two hours yeah and she said she was like jen, you're kind of you're killing yourself, like if you. She's like, if you continue off on this path, you're taking years off your life right at the.
Speaker 1:So I was pissed when she said it, because, to a young, to a mom, you're like well, what am I supposed to do, right, yeah? Now, in hindsight, though, I had a strong support system that would have happily jumped in and helped me, and they actually tried to jump in and help me, but, jenny, being who I was, refused help and they would come to help me, and I still would, like you know, say no, and I didn't want it and I'm like you can come and hang out, but I'm still, you know, I'm still doing this.
Speaker 2:Why don't?
Speaker 1:you rest, why don't you go do something? It's okay. I could Stacey when I say like I just couldn't do it and now, like flash forward all these years, I do ask for help, Bravo, but I, I it's hard.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's so hard.
Speaker 1:And and, and it's also hard to acknowledge, and, like what you just said.
Speaker 2:now, women who are listening to this probably like well, I could never go on it I can't go on traveling around, I can't do that for myself, like I can't walk away.
Speaker 1:I can't do this. What about this? What about that? The reality is, though, like that's really us putting those barriers in the way.
Speaker 2:Oh absolutely 100%. Now to what you just said a few minutes ago. First of all, I want to ask a question, because I don't think we ever asked this question, ever and this is not to say you didn't have a supportive husband or circle or whatever. Have you ever heard a man say oh my God, I have to burn the candle at both ends, I've got to do this, I've got to do that. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I'm not getting any sleep. I have to do the kids, the kids, the kids, the house. You've never heard a man say that. Right, it's women. We do it to ourselves.
Speaker 1:I got to tell you you kind of just blew my mind. I talk about this quite a bit but you cut. You actually just blew my mind a little bit because now that I think about it as soon as you said it, I'm like yeah, I don't think I have ever heard someone say that.
Speaker 2:No, you never hear of men who are doing that. Now I'm not saying there's not great fathers. No, of course, of course. So please, people don't write into Jenny and say that woman was a bandit, because I'm not. But I will say this In my whole life I have never heard a man talk about fatherhood or parenthood in the way that moms do yeah right, yeah, and so is that because of the societal expectation and the traditional roles that you know we're supposed to fill.
Speaker 2:and are we exacerbating that ourselves because we're never enough? Right, right, and this guilt that we feel, like you know, the age-old debate can you really have it all? Can you have a?
Speaker 1:job.
Speaker 2:Can you be a parent? I just want to smack myself every time I hear people say that. Of course you can have whatever you want, and working doesn't make you a bad parent, right, not even sort of. What makes you a bad parent goes far beyond having a job and trying to or a career, because you're allowed to fulfill yourself and you know what. Your children aren't going to have any respect for you if they see a doormat as their mom Right.
Speaker 1:You're also setting the stage for them to see like, oh, this is how you should be, you know, because our kids, it's not just what you say to them it's what they actions, absolutely it's actually more so the action. Now I'll say this, though my kids very much are like we don't want to have a job like yours ah, yeah, because they know, they see, they see the ugly side too.
Speaker 1:They also will see mommy, they and I ugly side too. They also will see mommy, they and I'm. I will say this I'm very like open with them because I don't want them to look at me and be like, oh, she was perfect and I have to hit this I have to be mom.
Speaker 1:And as far as my daughters, I want them to know I'm like there are other ways, and I and I said to them like this past month was very difficult for me for work because I was so overworked. And I said to them a couple of times, I'm like you know, this isn't, this isn't for everybody. This is what I chose, because I, I chose this path, but you don't have to choose this path, you don't have to go for it. You can do whatever you want. You know, like it's really wide open for you. I want to touch on something. I want to go back to what you said about. Like you know, you don't really ever hear a man say like I'm Bernie, yeah, yeah, yeah. Something that was really helpful years later. And I want to, I want to reinstate it now because, or re-say it now, because, for young moms that have just had kids, after you have a child like after you physically, like birth a kid your brain pattern will shift definitively.
Speaker 2:It's not like BS, it's a legitimate scientific your brain changes.
Speaker 1:So, after you have a baby, you are going to notice that you have mentally made a shift. Something is different in you now, because that is a natural instinct for you to be able to care for your kid. When my kids were little, I used to be able to hear them before they even made a noise, like in the middle of the night. You know, I could smell when they were sick and I was down the hall. I could just. I just knew yeah, men, don't go through a biological change when a baby is born.
Speaker 1:So what's going to piss you off the most after you have a kid is you're going to change everything about yourself and everything you do, and your husband will not Right Now. That doesn't mean he's not going to help you. He's going to help you, yeah, and he's going to get up. You know, my husband got up with the kids. He took off work to help me with the kids because I was doing my career too Like. It doesn't mean you're not going to have help, but it just means that, all of a sudden, for you, your priority has wholly shifted. Correct, but for your husband it'll still be well. I'm going to go work out, though, and I'm still going to do this. I'm still going to do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a baby in the house and they're still going to go and do the guy thing they're still going to do. No, trouble.
Speaker 2:They're gonna make sure that they leave the house.
Speaker 1:They're gonna make sure that they, you know, I mean, and I talk to a lot, a lot of the women that I know and they're like, yeah, he like goes and works out and he does this and he does that and and, but then he's like mad at me that like dinner's not, and I'm like right, but it's all of us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know and I like absolutely.
Speaker 1:And I like to say this too just because that's what's happening in your marriage or your husband doesn't mean he's a bad guy. Like don't look at these, oh social media and oh, their husbands are so helpful. Why aren't you like this? No, husbands are.
Speaker 2:We're all like this. I had the love story to end all love stories. Okay, I had a wonderful husband, but let me be clear, he was not a saint, he was not perfect. No, as hard as he made me laugh, he also made me like ah, want to kill him.
Speaker 1:sometimes that's normal.
Speaker 2:That's exactly right.
Speaker 1:And if you think what you?
Speaker 2:see on social media is real whoa.
Speaker 1:Don't even get me, you know, and it's not even just that.
Speaker 1:That's the other thing you talked about with your travel group that I want to highlight. I want to like pull it back there, because you said, like women, come in and you're you're protective of the environment, it's. We don't do toxic female voices here like we're here to support each other. That's right. Have just open dialogue without judgment. That's really what this is. We're not judging each other, we're just coming together. Part of the problem that I noticed too and I'm very particular about who I like talk with on a regular basis because of this women get very judgmental of each other for really no reason at all and it's like oh, you wait, hold on. My favorite one that I got when my kids were younger was when they were like some of the moms were like, oh, you don't, you don't pack your kids lunches, and I was like, yeah, well, no I don.
Speaker 1:I work full time, so this is my, and they're called Lunchables for a home cooked meal every lunch. But you know what? Like I have to take help where I can get it. It's like oh well, you know, you don't. Like I don't wash my own laundry anymore. Like I send it out, like I, I, I have to. I have to be able to make adjustments, and this is what I say this quite a bit. You need to live your life to the best of what is going to suit you and your family across the board. For women in general, I'm trying to hit this standard because society has said this, or my family has said this, or my friends have said like this is how you have to be, because the reality of it is you need to just do what you think is best.
Speaker 2:And that is so. Here's the thing You're saying this to me as a younger woman and you're recognizing these things right and you're more aware, and you're taking steps and hopefully you're reaching many, many, many many women who are hearing your voice. But what about all the women who get to 60 and 70? And we've not had that. So I'm going to guess that in your day job you work across intergenerational lines.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:My company is, you know, our employees are intergenerational and I have had to have conversations with both sides to say wait a minute. With both sides to say wait a minute, we're not useless because I don't understand how to make this work on teams. Okay, I'm not stupid, because I don't understand how to, you know, make a folder in my email, you know kind of stuff, because there's this. Let's face it. Let me tell you what women in my generation have gone through black and white tvs yeah color tvs.
Speaker 2:I saw that I was at the tail end of that. I was there with remote controls and record albums, cds, dvds what do you call it? Answering machines? Oh yeah, beepers, cell phones, the list goes on and on and on. Desktop computers that were, you know, 900 pounds. Don't tell me we can't learn. Okay, do not tell me that, because nothing makes you more irate. Now is it a little more difficult, because I didn't go to school and learn on that. I learned how to type.
Speaker 1:Right On a manual typewriter Click, click, click, click. Which also makes you more careful because it was a manual typewriter and you couldn't just delete, so you had to get it right that first time, exactly, Exactly.
Speaker 2:So you know it's. It's really interesting. I did a recording the other day with a group called Cyber Seniors and two teenagers who had to do community service decided based on something going on in their family. They were going to teach older people how to use computers and technology. Well, now, fast forward, I'm not sure, maybe 14, 15 years. It's a huge nonprofit in Canada and the US, seniors or you know, I guess people over 55 can go and online or they can call and they get free help, but it's all. The mentors are young, high school, college, et cetera and they did a documentary and what they found was that the compassion and understanding on both sides was so profound that, that became the real benefit of what they were doing, aside from the technological help.
Speaker 2:But that's the same thing with us, with Sisterhood Travels, is that, yes, we're traveling, but look at all the Everything else it's literally everything else.
Speaker 1:It's not just the travel, it's everything else that's coming with it.
Speaker 1:Travel right, the travel is like the perk, you know the rest of it is so much more about the connection, and that was you know you. We talked about social media a few times and that's also something there. There's a huge deficit today, with people being disconnected with themselves. Oh yeah, and I see it, you know, even at home. Like I, I am on a computer all day, so my preference at night is not to have a screen in front of my face, like as soon as I'm done with work so hard to disconnect and disengage though right, like you know, especially if I don't have a.
Speaker 1:You know, when it's work stuff and it's important, I have to, I have to stick with it. But my preference is I I don't have personal social media, I don't have a. You know, when it's work stuff and it's important, I have to, I have to stick with it. But my preference is I don't have personal social media. I don't even do the podcast, so it's gonna be more like I handed that off, because that really isn't, it's not my jam and I'm like I would prefer to just be like in the moment and I always right, right, when I'm out with the kids, like, yes, I'll take a couple videos and I'll take pictures or whatever.
Speaker 1:But then I actively in my brain I'm like, all right, put the phone down and see this, and there's so many people now that are. So everybody wants to have a big following because everyone wants to make money off of it, and I get it, believe me, I get it. But if you're just constantly on your phone and looking at social media and trying to post to social media, then you're not actually living your life, you're not in the moment anymore. You've gotten past it. So that disconnection, I think is causing a lot of problems for people and they don't realize it Absolutely, that is.
Speaker 2:I will tell you that so.
Speaker 1:I told you I just got back from Havana.
Speaker 2:And so this is a perfect example. So you knowFi is extremely unreliable. You may have it, you may not, and I found on my trip that the only place I would have it was in my hotel. Well, we were only in our hotel while we were sleeping, basically.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Because you know we're there on a excuse me a visa in support of the Cuban people. So from 8 in the morning till midnight that's what we were doing. I can't tell you how freeing it was to go sorry, I can't even look at the phone, you know and stuff.
Speaker 2:One of the joys of traveling with women in my age group is everyone's not trying to build their following yeah, true yeah, okay, so we take pictures and stuff like that, but many times you'll just see us all standing there without the camera and just you know, my marketing staff because they're like we need pictures, we need video. But you know what? I'm here to actually see what I'm seeing and learn what I'm learning. If I'm so focused on taking pictures, I've missed it all.
Speaker 1:You've missed it.
Speaker 2:You're going to want to be present, you know. So uh, it was. It was really kind of fun to experience that for the first time of like, I just don't have anything. There's no cell service for me.
Speaker 1:We're going on our first family vacation this year. We're going to go, we, and it's not just us, it's my five, and then plus my stepchildren and my stepdaughter, her fiance and my grandkids oh wonderful, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then we have stepchildren and my stepdaughter, her fiance and my grandkids, oh wonderful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then we have, like extended people going, so there's a group of I don't know. It's probably about 20 people all going. We're taking a cruise in June and we're going to be going down to the Bahamas and just Fine. We've never traveled as a family because when the kids were little it was, it was just too much yeah.
Speaker 2:It was just very cumbersome.
Speaker 1:So my husband and I are, and he and I even, like we've never actually done a big trip together. So we're so excited and, stacy, I have to tell you what we're most excited about putting everything to the side and just having fun.
Speaker 1:That is what life is supposed to be jenny, I can't even. And my stepdaughter, she sent me, um, she sent me a post the one time and she goes it. The post basically said it was basically saying, like you know, talking about the mental load of motherhood, yeah, and it said, like you know, it's not that I want a break from my kids, I want a break from all the other stuff. And I said to her I'm like this is gonna be the first time and my son just turned nine, so this will be the first time in nine years that I'm not responsible for cooking and cleaning and doing laundry and doing all those things. And I said to the kids I'm like, do you realize that mom can just be fun, mom, this whole time they are so excited Cause I'm like we can never do that. I can never. You know, there's always going to be something.
Speaker 1:Oh what time is it? Lunch is. You know this and that this will be a first time for that, and, yes, like we're going to take pictures and all that stuff, but I'm like there's no wi-fi on the ship this is just like so fun.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited for you, for your whole thing, like it's gonna be. You're gonna feel so, so rejuvenated and recharged.
Speaker 1:You really are stacy every time this whole month. That was like really hard for me the whole time. I was like you're going on vacation. Yeah, yeah, you can take it away.
Speaker 2:Exactly. I mean, I think that's awesome and you know it's funny because we do. We travel to all seven continents actually trips everywhere. Continents, actually trips everywhere. And it's so interesting to me, um, how many women will literally have never gone on a trip? Yeah and then pick this obscure off the beaten trap track location or destination for their first trip. And I'm really impressed by that because you know we all love to go. You know what's on your bucket list Italy, ireland, scotland, oh, you know the usual.
Speaker 1:The usual stuff, right.
Speaker 2:But every once in a while I'll get something like the Ancient Silk Road, which I'm actually releasing a trip like that this week. But but I'll get something like that and I'll be like whoa person you know like I would love an off the beat and trash like like travel, like kind of thing yeah, we're actually doing a lot, lot more of those and, by the way, I would love for you to come on a trip with us. We would have so much fun.
Speaker 2:It would be amazing yeah yeah, but aside from that, you know we were talking about, like, the code of conduct and the negative toxicity, and you know things like that. And you made a comment that I wanted to circle back to, and it's true, we all have bad days, bad days. What we do in prepping our women is we say, show someone the grace that you would want, because, you don't know, is today the anniversary of the death of their child or their husband? You know, it could be anything.
Speaker 2:Or today my sciatica is so severe and I'm trying, but I'm just not my normal friendly self. Right, but there's a difference between that and just coming on the trip and all you do is complain. Now I have learned and my team has learned, and God bless my team, we couldn't do anything without them and God bless my team, we couldn't do anything without them. But if you are already starting to misbehave and act negatively in the group or toward my staff in your communications and you're nasty or you're chronic whiner and complainer, if that's how you're acting before we leave, what are we going to?
Speaker 1:expect from you when you're on the track Right Exactly. It'll be only worse.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. So we like to remind people that and I feel strongly about this I have a moral, ethical obligation, possibly in some cases legal, to ensure your emotional and mental and physical well-being. Yeah, and I'm not going to let someone else hurt you, say mean things to you. I have removed people from trips, Jenny.
Speaker 1:I was going to ask I was actually going to ask about that.
Speaker 2:It's rare, but it has happened.
Speaker 1:I think that says a lot about you and what your goal is here, because what I've heard and read through you know entrepreneurship and the other women. I'm connected to are entrepreneurs or budding entrepreneurs? You have to. You do have to stay focused on like the message, like your core message here was like you actually really wanted to build a community.
Speaker 1:You went through a trauma. You lost your husband and from that was born this concept of I want to create a space for women. I can't be the only one who feels alone and invisible. Right, and from that little concept, that little seedling, you've grown this beautiful tree here that's branching out across the world and you're going to protect that base root line. That said like but this is a safe space, yes, so it's not like, oh, we're traveling together and I don't really care about the message of the community or anything like that.
Speaker 2:Right, which is what you do find in a lot of you know other groups especially. You know like there's so many groups where solo women could travel. You know you could sign on for groups with different tour operators, but they're mixed and they're primarily couples. And I've seen it, I've traveled on it with my husband in the past and there's always, like you know, they allow like four single spots. They're usually four single women. Those four single women may or may not talk to each other, but the couples they don't interact with the singles at all. They're like all coupled up. Yeah. And I got to say and again, don't write Jenny and say I'm a man hater, I am not, but the dynamic is so different.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:When men are on the trip. Yeah, because the woman is not doing what she wants to do and being her authentic self, because it's all about what's making the husband happy or the guy happy, and that's one of the beautiful things about traveling with a woman only group is that it's all about you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's about the authentic self and you know exactly, I want to say here too, because I only have only have a few minutes left so I want I actually want to make this point because what you said is not. It's not manhating, because we really I don't write on men on the show, like I talked about how much I love my husband all the time, like, yeah, exactly, fantastic, he actually helped me become a better person, like, hands down, I don't man hate at all, but what you're getting at is that for me as a person, you know I did this meditation and I like to talk about this because it actually helps. You see the difference. So when you start the meditation, you're saying I am and your full name. So you're saying I am Jenny Benitez and you're focusing on that for a few minutes and your full name. So you're saying I am, then Benitez, and you're focusing on that for a few minutes and then, after you focus on who is Jenny Benitez for a few minutes, then you drop your last name.
Speaker 1:You say I am Jenny the first time that I did that meditation and was focusing on well, I'm Jenny Benitez, and then I'm Jenny, and then you go to I am. When I got to the I am Jenny part and then you go to I am. When I got to the I am Jenny part, there was this is going to sound a little negative, but there was almost like a lifting of weight offered me because when I just said I am Jenny, it became this blossoming thing that came out of my chest and I was like, oh, there you are.
Speaker 1:Okay, You're still there.
Speaker 2:I love that because I've always said one of the um way in this conversation. We've been all over the place, but I've loved it. The um, one of the things that I said, that I'm still learning as a widow who who am I? Yeah, it took me years to think about certain things like do I like that restaurant? Cause I actually liked that restaurant or do I like it Cause.
Speaker 2:Mike and I were always going there, or cause he liked it. Or, you know, do I like that couch? Because that was my style of couch, you know? It's all those things. So I love that meditation. It was a huge one.
Speaker 1:It was really impactful because you don't realize, and it's all that weight of everything else that I do. And then once I like lifted that and I will say the more that I've allowed myself to just be, I am Jenny. Yeah, I've actually become a better wife. I've become a better mother, like everything about me. I believe it since I started to do that, because I'm like okay, you are the person you're holding, like my husband. My husband always says I'm the ship, like he might be steering, but I'm the ship, and he always says to me he's like if the ship falls apart, that's why he's like, yeah, we're all the ship. And he always says to me he's like if the ship falls apart.
Speaker 2:that's why he's like yeah, we're sinking, yeah. But, you know, it's.
Speaker 1:It's important like that, having that authentic, like you are, who you are. You have to like lean into that, because that will like, yeah, whole life different. We forget, we forget who we are.
Speaker 2:And we forget, we forget who we are. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You lose it. Yeah, you really do lose it over time. And if you don't like I didn't rediscover myself until I was 37 years old, Like, and if I didn't do it at that point. Imagine being 65.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Like if I never did what would have, where would I? I don't even know where I would be right now. I don't know where our family, like I have. No, if I hadn't taken this journey with the podcast.
Speaker 2:I don't know where we like, I don't know I, first of all, I absolutely love that for you and for all the women that you're helping. I mean, these conversations have to be so enlightening for you, but also for your listeners, and I love that for you.
Speaker 1:I do hope so. That's always and I will say this, and transparently, the listeners can hear me say this too. But because I usually say this in like the pre-cons, but the reason I share so much on these podcasts and the reason why I will share so much personally of what I've been through, I mean some of the podcasts, I'm crying on them because I want women to see this. I want them to see like this is, this is real. Like this is reality, it's okay. It's okay to have feeling and it's okay to be who you are and you just have to lean into it and I want to be like a killer here. In the same way, you created the safe travel space, this community that you've really started to craft. That's what the podcast is meant to do, and I would.
Speaker 1:And that's when as soon, as you said early on, I went through this and I realized I was. I knew I wasn't the only one and I wanted to start this community. I was like, oh my god, stacy, and I just became best friends because we, yes, yes, exactly for sure for the listeners who are are interested or if they want to just check you out and see what the vibe is, even if they just want to see the online community. How are they getting in touch with you?
Speaker 2:So they can get in touch with us, certainly by our website, which is Sisterhood Travels Travel for Women by Women, which a little bit like your podcast yeah, maybe I should go away with you and podcast the whole time. I could probably interview everybody on the trip.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, I would love that so much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would love that so much, and they would love it too, because boy did I have to yeah for sure, stacey, thank you so much, for you basically lit up my day here.
Speaker 1:Oh, thank you, you lit up mine too.
Speaker 2:It's an honor, and I have loved this conversation. It was very fun and what a great way to start the day too.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:Listeners, thank you for hanging out with us today. Check out Stacey's stuff. I'm going to link everything in the description so if you're interested, you can click one click away and connect with her online, because this is big. This is a big deal, and even if you can't go right now on a trip and start engaging at some point in the future, maybe you can. So start taking a look at it now. Um, we will catch you on the next one and I hope everyone takes care, thank you.
