.jpg)
Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
Join Jenny weekly as she discusses topics that effect women in a relatable, honest way.
Steel Roses Podcast
The Parenting Pivot: When "Fixing" Isn't Needed
Have you ever caught yourself trying to "fix" something about your child that isn't actually broken? That's exactly what happened when my introverted son wanted to leave a crowded pool party early, triggering a profound parenting realization that stopped me in my tracks.
This deeply personal episode explores the reflexive ways we sometimes pathologize our children's perfectly normal personality traits. As an extrovert who thrives in social settings, I initially struggled when my son withdrew from a boisterous birthday celebration. My immediate instinct was troubling: something must be wrong, this needs correction, therapy might help him "cope better" with crowds. But through reflection and conversation with my husband (who revealed he was exactly the same as a child), I experienced a pivotal parenting awakening.
The truth was blindingly simple yet profound – there was nothing wrong with my son not enjoying large, rowdy gatherings. His ability to recognize his discomfort and clearly communicate his boundaries demonstrated emotional intelligence many adults lack. The real issue wasn't his behavior but my apologetic framing of it to others, as if his personality represented a deficiency rather than a perfectly valid way of experiencing the world.
This episode cuts to the heart of a universal parenting challenge: discerning when to push our children beyond comfort zones versus when to honor their authentic selves. How do we support growth while respecting innate temperament? Where's the line between encouraging social skills and forcing conformity to our own expectations? As we navigate these questions together, I'd love to hear your experiences with similar parenting crossroads. How have you learned to celebrate your child's authentic personality, even when it differs from your own?
Love this content? Check out our links below for more!
Linktr.ee Content
Instagram
Everybody. This is Steel Versus Podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. I have a very special guest with me today who wants to help welcome you to the show. Welcome to podcast. I hope you're having a great summer. Thank you so much. So I have like a whole list of things that I'm going to go over with you all, but I wanted to you know, first and foremost, reiterate I hope everyone's having a great summer.
Speaker 1:The funny thing that's happening now that I'm hitting like end of July, all the moms are kind of coming out of like the summer haze of hiding and being like are you surviving? How are you surviving? Are you okay? And I kind of love it. So I wanted to tell everyone about that. Don't feel bad. Basically, if you're a mom and you haven't texted another mom friend in you know months or weeks or whatever it is, because nine times out of 10, your mom friend is also drowning and we just like to you know we need the camaraderie and we're going to commiserate with each other and you could pretty much text your mom friends at any point in time and say, hey, I'm drowning, oh my God, and just kind of go off. I know that's how I feel, so I'm assuming that, like, other women feel the same way. And you know, don't be shy to reach out. You know it is what it is. So, end of July, almost August, it's wild Like I feel, like I blinked and the summer has just gone. Now. I'm saying that now, but in two weeks, summer camp ends and the kids will be home for the last two weeks of August straight. I'm mildly prepared for it. I'm very grateful this year because I do have a really phenomenal team that I work with. I'm a current company and my management team is phenomenal and I just really feel supported this year and very much like I'm included and you know, like my work matters and that that's a huge deal for me and I think that that's a huge deal for most, most people. So I'm very grateful for that this year.
Speaker 1:Now on to the topic for discussion. I'm working this out in my head, so I'm going to say it out loud and I'm probably going to talk it through in some circles. But I wanted to do this because it's a mistake that I made as a mom and I think it's a mistake and so I'm trying to course correct. So, as you hear me talking. I'd be very interested if any of you have any opinions about what I'm going to share and any advice. I will take advice 110%. So I am soliciting advice at this point in time.
Speaker 1:So I have three kids and one of my kids is, I guess, introverted in a way, very friendly and outgoing in the right settings, but when it becomes a really large group setting they clam up and they really seem to get uncomfortable and like they don't want to be around. Now, I'm not like this. I don't have this issue. As you can all tell, I really thrive in large settings. I don't mind, you know, jumping right in the mix with people. I could pretty much sit down and talk with anybody and find a common ground to discuss and, like you know, shoot the crap about. But one of my kids is not like this and so it's.
Speaker 1:I was at a and he was very excited to go and he was excited to see all his buddies and everything. And then, once we got there, there was about 15 or maybe 20 boys there. I knew a majority of them from school and sports and what have you, and I knew a majority of the parents and everything. But I also knew as soon as I walked up that my son was feeling intimidated. I could just sense the energy on him. But I tried to just brush it off and, you know, kind of encourage him to join in. You know, get in the pool, have fun, go and play. He attempted, but then he, I could just see and I was watching from the side. You know, I was sitting on the side of the pool with the other mothers and I'm just talking, but I just kept an eye on him to make sure he was okay and he just kind of stayed on the outskirts. He really wasn't interested in like really really getting into the mix.
Speaker 1:Now, this wasn't because anyone was being rude or bullying or anything like that, but the other boys are, you know, they're aggressive and he just wasn't comfortable. And after after about 45 minutes he told me he was like I want to go. And you know we still had about two and a half three hours left to the party and I was like, oh, bud, you know, are you sure? And I tried to press a little bit to get him to get involved. Because in my mind I was saying to myself in that moment, if I don't press him, what? What will this say to him, if I don't press him to say, am I telling him you don't need to be social? And you know, if I don't press him to say, am I making it okay for him to clam up and to become really just into himself? And not that those are bad things, but I, just as a parent, you just worry about every, every, every element, and so you know I I worried.
Speaker 1:So I said I was like you know, buddy, why don't you just try it? Like I had tried to get in the mix and you know his friends and the birthday boy, they were calling him over and waving them down. So you know they did they like tried to include him a couple of times and he got a little involved, but then, as soon as it got more aggressive, he backed off immediately and so he told me he was like I just want to go, I don't want to be here, I'm bored. He was like no one's playing with me and I told him I was like well, you have to really insert yourself in there. The nobody just said no and I said you know what I was like all right, not a problem. And you know we went to leave.
Speaker 1:The mother was incredibly gracious, asked me right away. She said did anything happen? Is he okay? Because we were leaving early. I told her I was like no, no, no, we're okay and I want to highlight this, I apologize. I was like, oh no, I'm sorry. He just I was like he's uncomfortable in larger crowds of kids. He gets nervous. And she said okay, but the way that I phrased it to her and the tone that I used was apologetic, like I was apologizing for his behavior. Now, the reason why I'm noting that is because that is something I want to correct.
Speaker 1:So we get into the car and I actually said to him out of the gate you know what bud I was, like I'm proud of you. I was like you looked at a situation. You said I'm not comfortable, and then you used your voice and told me that you were ready to go. You didn't want to be there anymore. And I was like, and that is something really important that a lot of adults can't even do. So the fact that you used your voice and you were able to, that, you were able to, that, you were able to recognize that was great and I want to encourage that. So I gave him props, basically right.
Speaker 1:So we got home and I explained the situation to my husband. Eventually, he went and talked to our son and he did the same thing. He gave him props. He was like I'm proud of you. You used your voice. You said you know what? I'm not down with this. I want to go. That's all you have to do.
Speaker 1:I immediately reverted to something's wrong here. There's something wrong that he doesn't want to be involved. And I think a lot of parents do this. And that's again like I want to be transparent with all of you, because I feel like we struggle with all of these things with our kids. We're worried about every aspect of their lives. We're developing a human with everything we do. So this is like heavy stuff. Like this is heavy things. And so, you know, in my head I was like, oh my gosh, there's something wrong. Maybe I should take him to therapy, maybe I should, you know, get him to talk to someone that'll teach him how to cope with larger crowds and how to deal with it, and you know good ways for him to approach the situation so that he can get more involved.
Speaker 1:And then, through the course of the day and into the evening, because I kept thinking about it, and then I started thinking about you guys and wanting to talk to all of you about it. It occurred to me like, well, there isn't actually anything wrong here. He's smart. He's a smart kid, he's intelligent, he's doing good enough in school. He's not listen, he's not, he's not breaking any records or anything like that, but he's doing well enough in school and he's a friendly person and he has a good heart. He's a big brother. So he's a real pain in the ass Sometimes. You know he's a well, he is a well-rounded kid. He just doesn't like large groups of kids. He just doesn't like it.
Speaker 1:And I got to the end of the evening and I was like, why was I positioning this? Like, oh, I'm so sorry, he doesn't like large crowds. We have to go, when it really should have just been. Oh yeah, he decided, you know, he decided he's ready to go, that's all no big deal. I got to a point with myself where I started to get mad at myself, because I in some way probably sent a message to him that something was wrong and he didn't say that. And I made sure that I verbally told him like you did great, like I'm very proud of you and whatnot, and I am going to handle it differently the next time this comes up, because it will. But I thought I would bring this to all of you Because this was a moment where my gut, my immediate reaction, my immediate gut was like oh, there's something wrong, I have to do something to fix this.
Speaker 1:I have to fix him. There is nothing to fix. This is just his personality. And my husband went on later on in the evening to tell me, too, that he was the same way when he was a kid. He hated large crowds, he hated doing all that stuff. My mother-in-law used to make him do it, but he hated it.
Speaker 1:So it's things like this that I wanted to highlight for all of us listening here, and to myself, because I'm working through being a mother and being a parent alongside all of you. These are the times where you can recognize a shortcoming in yourself and make the choice to do better for your kid, and you can sense it in your soul, in your gut, like in your brain, like in your heart, wherever it is that you're feeling like oh, you know, you've got this connection and made you think twice. I have an opportunity to fix this period. This is the first time that this kind of scenario happened and now I have an opportunity to make amends here and make it okay and I don't again like.
Speaker 1:I would love to hear everyone's opinions here because I think there's a fine line between, you know, letting your children make choices but also having to push them. I know that my son is the kind of kid that I'm going to have to push in certain instances, but it's which instances am I going to cross that is going to make the bigger difference here. So I'm still working all that out, but I wanted to share that moment with all of you because I felt like it was important. I feel like a lot of us get wrapped up around these kinds of things and we worry, and you know we're just doing the best that we can. I hope you're all are having a great summer. I am really excited about things moving forward for the podcast. I've got live episodes coming your way in August, which I'm super excited about. So until the next one, thank you for hanging out with me and take care.
