Finding Your Own Path: When Traditional Choices Meet Personal Happiness

Have you ever realized you haven't sat down for a proper meal all day because you've been too busy taking care of everyone else? That moment of clarity hit me recently, sparking a deeper reflection on how we as women often put our own basic needs last when caring for our families.

Today's episode dives into the delicate balance between self-sacrifice and self-care that many women struggle with daily. I open up about my own habits - standing while eating, forgetting to hydrate properly when my family is home - and how these seemingly small choices reflect larger patterns in how we prioritize ourselves. As our own harshest critics, we frequently beat ourselves up for not doing everything perfectly, when giving ourselves grace is what we truly need.

Beyond personal care routines, I share a heartfelt conversation with my 97-year-old grandmother that challenged me to examine my traditional marriage dynamics. Despite considering myself a feminist, I've chosen a relationship with very traditional gender roles - something that often surprises people who know me through this podcast. My husband and I maintain what I jokingly call a "90s household," with clearly defined responsibilities and boundaries, including his preference that I don't participate in girls' nights out or bar scenes. Contrary to what some might assume, this arrangement has never felt restrictive to me because it aligns perfectly with my own desires after fully enjoying my independent years.

The beauty of womanhood lies in making choices that honor your authentic self, regardless of external expectations or judgment. Whether you thrive in a traditional relationship or prefer modern arrangements, what matters most is that your life reflects your true values rather than societal pressure. Remember, there is no shame in how you're living your life, as long as you're at peace with your choices. We're all writing our own stories - make yours one that brings you genuine fulfillment.

Don't miss our first live episode this Sunday at 9:30 AM streaming across all platforms! Bring your questions, thoughts, and join the conversation as we continue supporting and elevating women's voices together.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Self-Care Reflections
• 3:35 Eating Habits and Hydration Challenges
• 4:45 Accepting People's Limitations
• 5:41 Conversations with Grandmother
• 7:18 Traditional Marriage and Personal Choice
• 10:37 Upcoming Live Episode Announcement

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello everyone. This is Steel Rose's podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. I hope everyone is having a great week. I gave myself some extra wiggle room this week just because I was waiting to see, like, how things went and how things were prioritized. And, you know, a big part of it was giving myself grace to prioritize things that I wanted to prioritize, like my kids, spending time with them. If I had to prioritize my daytime job, like that kind of thing and not beating myself up for it, which is hard, right, because I think I can probably speak for a lot of women out there that you know, we are our own worst critics and we will beat ourselves up to no end when we really don't need to. So I hope everyone's having a good week.

Speaker 1: 0:46

Now, something yesterday that popped into my head that I actually wanted to share with you guys. I have this thing and I think I've talked about this and I'm literally like almost talking about it right now where, out of the gate, I don't know what it is. I mean, I know what it is. I know this is like kind of just how I observed things growing up, but I know this is like kind of just how I observed things growing up. But when my kids and my husband are home and we're all together as a family, my priorities will shift based on, like, basically, who's home, so making sure that everybody eats, making sure there's food at the various times. I still do like an afternoon 3 pm like snack time for my kids, because they start to get hangry at that point and once I see them bickering a little bit more heatedly, I will immediately be like, oh, let's do a snack tray and I get everyone's blood sugar levels back to normal.

Speaker 1: 1:30

Yesterday I had I think it was my son was home, I was working and like two kids where I can't, and it just kind of randomly popped into my head that the biggest difference for me when I have everyone home versus when I have time by myself is that when I'm by myself, I eat more healthy food options. I actually sit down to eat healthy things and I drink a lot of water, which are two actually pretty, really important things that I should be consistently doing on a regular basis, but somehow that doesn't seem to happen so normally like, and you guys are gonna seem to happen so normally like and you guys are gonna think I'm nuts here, but, like normally when my husband and kids are home, I don't think, and the kids will tell you mom doesn't sit down to eat. So when we eat we're not traditional in any way, shape or form we all eat in the kitchen. We have a kind of small island situation, so the kids all sit at the island and Chris sits at the table or vice versa or whatever like, but everyone has a seat usually, and actually a lot, because I'm intermittent fasting when my food time ends at the end of the day, it's about when I'm like also trying to get food on the table for everybody else. So normally, like, my last meal will happen while I'm cooking, so like between six and seven, while I'm cooking food or getting things prepared to put out on the table. I will eat while I'm cooking. So I'm eating like standing up, basically like there is no like. Oh, I'm sitting down and actually like tasting my food and appreciating my food. That doesn't happen when I'm in my mom mode and I'm getting things like turning things out in the kitchen, but when I'm alone, that's like the biggest difference and the water thing is a huge, huge difference that I'm most recently becoming much more painfully aware of that fact, because I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or whatever it is, but it is really critical for me to be hydrated all day long. If I don't hit 60 ounces of water, like I actually really feel it and I might not feel it on the first day, but I'll start to feel it I can feel the dehydration in my system. But those are like the two biggest things. When everybody's here, I for some reason like can't get my head out of my butt to actually sit down and prioritize my own food intake because I'm always trying to cram so much in, so just calling myself out there, and I'm sure we all have things that we do that we're not like real, real thrilled with. But I wanted to share that with you guys because, like why not Right? So just a few thought starters for today. Now one of these. I actually have seen this before and I don't know if I've talked to you guys about it before, but I wanted to bring it up.

Speaker 1: 4:04

I'm you have to accept that she can't handle the house full time. If you choose a housewife who can take care of you and manage the home completely, you need to accept that she doesn't make money. If you choose a submissive woman, you must accept that she depends on you. If you choose to be with a brave woman, you must accept that she is tough and has thoughts of her own. If you choose a beautiful woman, you have to accept expenses too. If you have to accept expenses, too, if you choose to be with a great woman, you must accept that she is tough and firm. No woman is perfect. A woman has her own good thing that finds who she is and makes her unique. The reason why I like this post as a whole is because it's basically outlining like if you, you know, you have to accept the person for their best of their abilities, but also their limitations. This isn't just from husbands to wives, this is also from wives to husbands.

Speaker 1: 4:47

Now my grandmother and I recently had a visit together where we're just like talking through things and my grandmother is 97 and I try, not try I go visit her monthly. I don't want, I want to take try out of that, because I've been making it a priority to go and visit her every month because she's 97. And I am working very much so with the mindset of like I'm on borrowed time with her and I want to get to know her as a person and our last visit was really really, really cool because we got to spend the whole day together. We hung out together all day and we just talked. We just shot the breeze and she told me stories about her and my grandfather and we just kind of talked. And she told me stories about, you know, her and my grandfather and we just kind of talked.

Speaker 1: 5:27

And in part of those conversations one of the things that came up was really around you know, husbands who are controlling and you know husbands who don't let their you know, don't want their wives to go out, and about my husband's like this. I mean, I've talked to you about this before, but you know I always joke with my friends that I'm like, oh yeah, my household is like a 90s household in the sense that we're really traditional with roles in the house. That we are. We are just, we are 100% traditional with roles. We're very old school in that sense. We're. Quote unquote husband is head of the house. He handles guard work, fixing things, building things, that stuff, house. He handles guard work, fixing things, building things, that stuff. And then I handle all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, kid maintenance, food, you know, prep, cooking, whatever, actually cleaning I can't really say anymore because I've outsourced that Like that's, that's not a thing for me anymore.

Speaker 1: 6:19

But either way, we're really traditional at home and also along with that tradition is, you know, when we got together and things were getting serious, he told me up front he's very old school, he expects that if we're going to be serious, if we're going to go further with our relationship, like he's not on board with me having girls nights. He wasn't on board with, you know me still going out and hanging out at bars and going out to nightclubs or anything like that. And I was okay with that, I'm still okay with that. And so we were talking about that and my grandmother said to me she's, you know she's, she's quite the feminist for 97. And she said she's like well, doesn't that bother you? Isn't that not fair? You know that he can do whatever he wants and you're okay with him doing anything, but you're not, you're not allowed to do stuff and to be perfectly like transparent, as I am always with you guys. I mean, he doesn't go out either, but when we were dating he would go out like once in a while. It doesn't, it doesn't bother me, it's never bothered me.

Speaker 1: 7:14

It doesn't really bother me either about like not going out or not having girls nights or not, you know, doing things of that nature. I honestly don't care, and a lot of people do kind of look at me crazy for that. They think I'm a little nuts for that, especially since I have this platform and you guys have heard me talk about being independent, being a feminist. But I have also made the choice here that I'm choosing to be more traditional. In that sense I'm married and to me, like, if I'm going to go out and have a good, good time, I want it to be with my husband. I don't really want to go out without him, and that's my choice, right, that's my right to be able to choose that I do. It also happens to work out that that's what he wanted too. So it's all good. Right, it works out.

Speaker 1: 7:56

There's no part of me that feels resentment because, to be perfectly honest, I, before I met him, was always told, like, get it out of your system, go out, have fun, do what you want. And so for a majority of my life, I live my life very in the moment, in the now, and just was like let me just have a good time. I don't know when I'm gonna be able to do this again. I'm gonna have the best time I can have. That's how I lived the whole of my 20s. Basically lived the whole of my 20s basically like from like 19 to 25, like it was a wrap. I was just having a good time and I was just along for the ride and I loved it. It was awesome. And then when I met my husband, I just knew like okay, that's it, you're done, like you don't. You don't want to do this anymore. I'm ready for the next phase. And the next phase for me meant like not going out and doing that. It just wasn't a thing for me anymore.

Speaker 1: 8:46

There's a lot of pressure, I think, on women to be like let's go have a wine night, like let's all go out together, and I'm sure that there's other women out there in my shoes that probably start to feel a little resentful. Also, maybe they don't. They just feel awkward because they don't know how to say to people I'm not on board, like I don't want to go out. I don't want to go out drinking, honestly, my free time. If I have free time and I can go out, I want my husband to come. I like him, I like hanging out with him and I know not everyone feels the same way, but my husband is my friend, like we're friends. He's my best friend. It's cheesy, but that is how it is for us. So, no, like I'm kind of on the ball of like I'm not really into it.

Speaker 1: 9:27

Now, if you are, you have a relationship where your husband's cool with you going out to blow off steam, embrace it, that's awesome, go for it. Like, but it's not everybody. Now, if you do find yourself in my scenario and you're not sure how to handle those situations because you feel awkward about it, I make a joke, as I have been saying here, like oh no, sorry, we're like the 1950s in my house, like I don't go out and then that's it, I just leave it like that, and everybody kind of laughs it off and they're just like oh my God really, and I'm like you when you do, and not a big deal, it just isn't. So I just wanted to bring that to you all as a thought starter. We all have our own situations and we all have to remember that you're living your life to the best of your ability for yourself, not for other people. So if you're cool with not going out, don't start to feel resentful or awkward or anything about it. That's your line. That's your line in the sand. I don't go out, I'm cool with it, I'm not into it, period. There is no shame in any way that you're living your life, as long as you're cool with it at the end of the day.

Speaker 1: 10:35

I hope you all enjoyed this episode. I want to encourage all of you to follow me me on one of my socials or on the YouTube channel for the podcast. This Sunday is our first live episode. I'm super excited about it and you can tune in 930 on Sunday morning. I'm going to live stream on Instagram, linkedin, I think, facebook and YouTube, so you have a couple of options to check it out, and then you can actually chat me live and we can do like live Q&A things too. So I'm actually I'm super excited about it, and so until