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Steel Roses Podcast
Steel Roses is a podcast created for women by women. Social pressures for women are constant. Professionals, stay at home moms, working moms, we are here to tell you that you are not alone! This podcasts primary focus is providing real honest content shedding light on the daily struggles of women while also elevating women's voices.
All women are experiencing similar pressures and hurdles, and yet, no one is talking out in the open. If these topics continue to only exist as whispered conversations then we further permeate a culture of judgement and shame.
Join Jenny weekly as she discusses topics that effect women in a relatable, honest way.
Steel Roses Podcast
Red Bird Rising: How a Diandra Ford Wing Turned Pain into Pages
What happens when grief stops you in your tracks? For Diandra Ford Wing, the answer was to completely step away from her career and create space for healing through writing. After losing both her aunt and mother within 14 months, Diandra found herself unable to continue with business as usual. Instead of forcing herself to push through, she made the brave decision to quit her job and focus on processing her overwhelming grief.
The result of this courageous pause was her memoir "Red Bird," which chronicles not only her journey through loss but also explores her experiences with body image issues, mental health struggles, and her time in a mental health facility after a suicide attempt. Through raw, honest storytelling, Diandra transforms her pain into purpose, offering readers a glimpse into how facing our darkest moments can ultimately lead to healing.
Perhaps most powerful is Diandra's central message: give yourself grace. Throughout her life, she battled feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness, only finding peace when she learned to be gentler with herself. "If I hadn't given myself grace at some stage of my life, I would not be where I am today," she reflects. This reminder feels especially poignant in a world that often expects us to process grief quickly and return to productivity.
Whether you're currently navigating grief, supporting someone who is, or simply want to be better prepared for life's inevitable challenges, this episode offers valuable perspective on honoring your needs during difficult seasons. Listen now and discover why sometimes the most healing choice is to pause, breathe, and give yourself permission to process loss in your own way.
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Good morning everybody. This is Still Roses podcast. This podcast was created for women, by women, to elevate women's voices. I am super excited this morning to introduce all of you to D'Andra. D'andra Ford-Wing is a passionate storyteller and dynamic sales director who discovered the healing power of writing during a period of profound grief. Growing up as an army brat, d'andra's formative years were spent in culturally diverse settings, including Germany, which shaped her unique narrative style. After the loss of her mother, deandra embarked on a transformative journey that inspired her debut memoir, redbird. Through this work, she shares her personal reflections on love, loss and resilience, hoping to inspire others facing life's trials. Deandra, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Thank you, jenny, it's so good to be here.
Speaker 1:And I appreciate you joining me this morning. I had to do a bunch of espresso shots. I was really struggling. I was really struggling. I'm super excited to talk with you today. I would love for you to, as a first step, just share your story with the listeners and let them know what inspired Redbird.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So, quite simply, the inspiration behind Red Bird came from losing both my aunt and my mom in close succession. My aunt died while becoming an expat to live in the Gambia, she left the United States and then eight months later she was dead. And there are still so many unknowns surrounding her death and so many questions that have left to be unanswered. And my mom never got over her sister's death. So when she died, you know, 14 months later, I just had to take a pause. I had to reset, recalibrate and just figure out what I wanted to do. I quit my job. I just wanted to focus solely on honoring my mom, and the way that I did that is through writing Redbird.
Speaker 1:You mentioned your mother. Your mother had some. She struggled with the loss of her sister.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God.
Speaker 1:During this trauma. You know, I think, when, when we have the loss of a loved one, especially the first time you have a close relative, pass is is really jarring, because while you expect it, you also almost don't expect it, like you kind of just think it's not going to happen.
Speaker 1:My grandmother is 97 and we know that every day is a gift Like that's just not given because at this point this is borrowed time. But when somebody is much younger, you don't expect that there is going to be a profound loss. So when you lost your aunt, how did that that affect you? How did that loss affect you? And then what did you see in your mother, Like the physical response, even.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it affected me in a way that I can't describe. She was 53 and we're pretty close in age Now. I was like 43 at the time and I'm now 46. So going through losing someone that was the baby of the family cause she was the youngest child and then being so close in age to her, I really really took it hard. I took it like, oh my God, she was just here and now. It just shows just how fleeting life is, and the way that it presented in my mom was that I could see that a light had dimmed in her. I could tell that she was just. This had taken her out Because she had lost her mom when she was 28. And she mourned that loss her entire life. She never got over her mom's death and then this was just a crushing blow to lose her baby sister. It was too much.
Speaker 1:I can only very gently imagine, as I've never experienced anything like this and I I almost I don't live in fear of it, but I am now because I'm turning 42 this year and my husband just turned 50. And so we're getting to the point where, you know, our parents are obviously older and the discussions around mortality have sort of started. My mom has actually been bringing mortality up our whole lives and sort of trying to make it something okay to talk about and not brush to the side because, as almost like a step in the direction of you will eventually experience a loss, like it is going to happen. We don't have a choice, we have to have that happen to us. How did you process the loss of your aunt? And actually one thing I do want to ask for the listeners can you go into more details as to what an expat is? I want to make sure they understand what happened.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So my aunt had decided, you know, months prior to her leaving the United States, that she did not want to live on US soil. She was just like everything that's happened to me here in the United States that she did not want to live on US soil. She was just like everything that's happened to me here in the United States has not been an optimal experience. So I want to see what the rest of the world has to offer. And she then decided that she was going to leave the United States but then also expatriate. She wanted to not be a US citizen, she wanted to be a citizen of the world, and I can appreciate that. She booked a one-way ticket to the Gambia and was never seen again.
Speaker 2:It was just. It's. The way that it happened was such that you would think it was a lifetime movie, like it was just, it was crazy. And then having to contact the U? S embassy over in the Gambia was literally an act of Congress. It took me days to nail down the right number, the right contact. It was. I had a spreadsheet that I kept. You know a track of all the numbers, because I was just dialing, dialing out, trying to figure out who I could talk to. It was the craziest scenario you could have even imagined.
Speaker 1:That sounds. It's. You're right, it does sound like a lifetime movie. It sounds like a living nightmare, though, because you can't get in touch with your aunt. So obviously you know something is wrong, but there's no way for you to really know what's going on unless you physically fly over there and like start, you know feet on the ground, like where are, where is this, where's my aunt, where's my relative? Yeah, I can't even imagine, and I will admit this to. Like you know, in our household, my husband had wanted to go, he wanted to go away, and he was, you know, saying like oh, I'd love to go on vacation this and that, and I've done that. I'm one of those wives that I'm like oh, go, like, have fun, like yeah, I'll book you a ticket Like go go for it.
Speaker 1:And you know, I'm like everyone needs a break, like everyone needs a rep. Yeah, and it's. It's sad to really think of the fact that, like, I haven't been touched by any of this, but the fear is there. So much so to the point where, um, you know, we all got our passports and I made it a point to make sure that my husband has a passport card that he can carry on his physical person for fear of.
Speaker 1:I don't know what's going to happen. He's from Ecuador, so I'm like I would prefer for you to have every protection possible on your physical person so that you can be identified because, god forbid, I don't know. And then the fear of honestly like him traveling solo. It sounds silly. He's a grown man, he's physically fit, like he can handle himself. But there's this. You know, you watch what's going on in the world today and you're like I don't want to send my loved one out there without me. I know.
Speaker 2:And we I definitely had my reservations about her going over there, but you can't tell an adult what to do and she was really, really earnest, she really wanted to do this. And when she got over there and we don't know what the story is, but she had she was about to get married to some guy that she met over there. We don't know if they were talking prior to her getting over to the Gambia, like they had had some kind of pen pal relationship. We don't, we don't know, but she was going to be married to this guy and he's the reason why we know that she had passed away.
Speaker 2:He called my mom at four o'clock in the morning when random Sunday and said that she was gone. And my mom was confused. She was like what do you mean to the store? Like I don't, where's this going? And he was like no, sandra, she's, she's passed away, she died. And he was like no, sandra, she's passed away, she died. And that's when, the very next day, that Monday, that's when I started making phone calls to the police, to anybody, just to see if this was in fact true. And it was just. It took so much, so much work and so much time because it was impossible to nail down the correct person to be speaking to in this regard.
Speaker 1:And it also I think it almost also leaves an open wound there and I could see how your mother would have trouble healing because at least when her mother passed there it's here and we go through. You know we have our processes here. You know you go to the funeral home like you. There is some levels of closure that we get here that in this scenario she's never gonna get.
Speaker 1:She's not gonna have that like that and it never came, and now you're left living with questions still, and probably I'm going to want to put words in your mouth, but I would imagine that you feel a lot of anger too, because that's where I would be.
Speaker 2:We were.
Speaker 2:My mom was so ticked off, Like she was just like what in the world is happening here, like she could not wrap her brain around it, and that's why I took it upon myself to be the one to do the reaching out, because my mom did not have the mental capacity to do it.
Speaker 2:She was just, she was fit to be tied, she was just over it and she could not handle the emotional pressure of trying to figure out what had happened to her sister. So I took on that and I didn't get a chance to grieve because I was, you know, in go mode. I was in go mode and it just, it really it took a toll on me. And then, you know, months later, when my mom died, I really had no choice but to just take a step back and, you know, like I said, quit my job and dedicated my life to writing this book. It took me almost 12 months, a year, to finish it, publish it, edit it, all that stuff, and by the time it was done we were coming up on her one year anniversary of her death. So it, yeah, I really still haven't processed, if I'm being honest.
Speaker 1:You know I was going to say the timeframe that you mentioned. You're probably still in the thick of it, I am. I wouldn't imagine that you mentioned. You're probably still in the thick of it. I am. I wouldn't imagine that there has been a closure at this point, not really.
Speaker 1:You lost your mother and then you were in. You probably had a almost like an in-between moment of like what? What am I going to do here? How did you make? I want to commend you for making the decision to step back, because I think a lot of people would not have done that and you know, speaking for you know, I can imagine like I know prior me would have thrown myself further into work, or like I would have tried to distract and deflect, and I'm curious for your process, for somebody listening that has experienced a loss like this and doesn't know what to do and they're spiraling. What was your process there? How did you think this through?
Speaker 2:I didn't think it through. That's the beauty of it. I I'm like you. Like you said, I would have been like let's just dive into work, let's, you know, just distract myself. But I really I had to take a pregnant pause. I really did, because I could not. I could not accept that my mom was no longer here and I did not want to accept that fact and so leaving the job.
Speaker 2:That took it took some thought, but really and truly I really woke up one day and it was seven o'clock in the morning and I'm walking around the house and I'm like, should I do it? Do I do it? And my husband's like sleep, not knowing what I'm, what I'm doing. I had talked to him about it. I talked to him about it a little bit like a couple of days prior, but he didn't know if I was actually going to pull the trigger. But I, like I said, woke up that Wednesday and called my boss, who was out of town for a work trip, and I was like I know that you're preparing for the day, but you know, I just want you to know that this call serves as notice that this is my last day at this company.
Speaker 2:And she was just like what? And I was like, yeah, so not going to be here anymore, just wanted to say thank you for the opportunity. When can I get my stuff to the office? I can take it up there tomorrow, today, I don't care. Just let me know what you would like me to do. And she was dumbfounded. She was just like are you sure this is what you want to do? Do you want to give it some thought? And I'm like, oh, I have, this is my thought. So thank you, but no thanks. And that's how I ended it.
Speaker 1:I just maybe not, because I guess certain people won't have like the emotional intelligence to be able to see that somebody is really struggling through something, and I know that I've encountered colleagues that are like that, that they, they just don't have that capacity. How much pushback did you get from people around you in your circle? Anybody and I asked this question because I'm sure somebody listening might be saying like I want to take this step, but everyone's breathing down my neck, everyone's.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:How did you manage that?
Speaker 2:Luckily, I didn't have anybody give me pushback because, think about it, the people that were around me were my siblings. I have three of them have an older brother, an older sister and a twin sister, and all three of them were like older brother, an older sister and a twin sister, and all three of them were like girl, do you? If this is what you need to do to like get through mom's death, do it. I have such a tremendously supportive family that I love very, very much. Even my friends were like, if I could, I would too. I want to walk off this job.
Speaker 2:Like yesterday, I was presented with a lot of respect and a lot of I understand you, so that actually was really, really helpful in helping me seal the deal on pulling the trigger on my career. I had to do it. There was nothing stopping me, and I know that my mom would have been like, if this isn't where you want to be right now or need to be right now, then you need to take care of you. I could just hear her saying that. You could hear her voice. I could hear her voice and I was like, mom, I think I'm going to do it. And she was like, go ahead child Like, just do what you have to do. And so a lot of forethought didn't happen.
Speaker 1:Start messy right. That's what we talked about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it was just kind of like act on your emotion and I know that that is like a recipe for disaster in any case of your life, but in this particular moment I needed this, I needed to do it, so I did, and I never looked back.
Speaker 1:You know, I don't think this was like a emotional response. This sounds more like you followed your instinct. Yes, and I do also want to say it is a profound blessing that you have a circle around you.
Speaker 1:that is how they are and that they are supportive and that they do have, that they are in tune with you. I worked really hard to like, scale and pull together the people that I know like know me well enough to be like you need to do what lights you up or you need to do whatever you need to do when this is a judgment, free space, so that that in itself, that's a beautiful thing that you have there and I'm so happy that you do have that kind of a support system in this scenario. Now I have one more question that I want to ask about your book, and I want you to talk about the book a little bit more from an outside perspective outsiders that knew you during this time or know you now during this time. What is something that I could say, or someone could say, to ask you to check in, to see how you're doing, without being, you know, overbearing or without being insensitive to what you're going through?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I found that, like my closest friends and even those that were, you know, on the periphery of my life, they were asking questions like what do you need? Not necessarily, how are you doing? My husband, the day that we, my mom died, we came home from her house she lived about 45 minutes away from me and we get home it's dusk and I was just looking around like what do I do now? I was just wasted. I just looked around like I don't even know what I'm doing here and my mom's not here, because it was completely, completely lost on me that I could live in a world where my mom wasn't physically here, and that really just punched me in the gut Like you have no idea. And so my husband saw me and he saw me panicking, quietly panicking, and he was just like what do you need? And I just said I need to scream, I need to scream.
Speaker 2:I was just thinking that Go ahead. And so I did. And he was like go for it. And he plugged his ears up and I let out the most guttural scream I've ever screamed in my life and it was exactly what I needed in that moment, just him asking what is it that you need? What do you need? How can I what? Just tell me what it is and that it was the right question at the right time.
Speaker 1:I always I always struggle when, when someone passes with that part.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:If it's. And even like me personally, like when it comes to stuff like that, like with profound loss, I haven't experienced that yet as this version of me. When I was younger, when we had losses in the family, we had suffered a couple of really profound losses when I was a teenager and in my early twenties and I was like I'm shut down, don't talk to me about it, I don't want to talk about it, I'm going to put my feelings in this box and I'm tucking that away and I'm going to just pretend like it didn't happen, kind of thing. And now I'm not so much like that anymore. That's why I asked the question, because I get awkward and I think other people get awkward in conversations like this with how do I sensitively approach this or how do I ask the question? Should I even ask the question?
Speaker 1:And I think that a lot of folks don't know how to respond and myself included in a lot of instances and even showing up, like you know, if I hear about somebody who has passed, is it respectful to go to the funeral or is it? Should I give people space like? There's always that question in my mind of like what's appropriate here If I haven't been in touch with somebody and I know that they've suffered a loss. Do I still go? I didn't really know the person, but I know the person who suffered the loss and I think that a lot of us struggle.
Speaker 2:The answer is always yes, you go, you pay your respects.
Speaker 1:I usually do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's if I like. I struggle with that too, like I don't want to be encroached on someone's privacy privacy and private affairs but it takes nothing to just pay your respects and no one can look down on that. The answer is always you go. If that's what your heart is telling you to do, if that's what your spirit is calling you to do, you go and you pay your respects.
Speaker 1:I read recently, uh, uh, something online and it I forget who it was, somebody I don't know. It was one of them, one of the stars, like one of the movie stars, and they said that they were relaying a story where, um, there was a funeral for somebody and he had wanted to go to the funeral and it was. He was like it wasn't even something I really knew, it was like an acquaintance and he wanted to go, but then he kind of didn't get around to it and it's bothered him for like 20 years that he didn't go.
Speaker 1:I've had a similar instance where there was somebody who had passed when I was in my twenties. I didn't go out of fear, to be perfectly honest, if I'm going to be perfectly honest, it was out of fear of like. The exposure of emotion has always been something that I've like. Because of my own trauma, I've always boxed it and I've I've regretted it for forever that I didn't go to this one funeral and now I go to everybody's funerals because you're right, like I want to be there to pay the respects to the people that are still here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you always go, no question.
Speaker 1:So you make the decision and you resign, and your boss is shocked, obviously, but you're like, that's it? Like effective immediately. At what point did you realize you wanted to put what you've gone through into a book?
Speaker 2:You know, about a week after I had no job, I was like, well, I don't want to start looking for a new job right away. I was like, well, I don't want to start looking for a new job right away, so let me figure out what I can do. I started journaling when I was like 12. I have books and books of journals, just to the just book to the brim, with pages and pages of my adolescent thoughts. About a week after I quit, I was sitting around just writing in my journal and then I was like, wait a minute, let me use my computer, because this is taking too long. I have like really intricate handwriting and it's just annoying. So I was like typing and I'm like this is really turning into something. And then I kept going back to it. I kept writing every single day. I kept going back to it, kept adding things and kept changing things and it just became what Redbird is today. At that point my husband was like, well, what are you going to do with these pages? Are you going to just bound them? Are you going to give them to your brothers and sisters, or what are you going to do? And I was like, I'm going to publish it, I'm going to get it published. And he was like, oh okay.
Speaker 2:So we did the work of trying to find publishers. And that was tedious so tedious like having to send, you know, an abstract to you know literary agents is not fun and it takes so much time. I was just like let's just self-publish. And then I heard about I heard about Amazon and KDP publishing and all that, and I was like I'm going to do that. So I had a discovery call the very next day with a guy from KDP and he was like we can do this for you, we can help you with your cover art. What ideas do you have? And I did it. So within like a month we were rocking and rolling, they were editing everything and we came up with the cover and it was really exciting and I was just like I cannot believe, I'm going to do this. And 12 months later, redbird was let free do you feel like I really love that.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like and I know you're still working on healing because what you went through is a lot, doesn't even cover it? What you went through is it is it's just life altering and you did you alter your life? Do you feel like the book in some way is almost like a part of you that you're putting out there that is meant to also heal you, because what you're doing to and I want to commend you for taking time looking at what you had and then also realizing like you could actually help other people- yeah, I really thank you for the commendation.
Speaker 2:I really appreciate that because I felt kind of like a loser when I couldn't cope. I felt like, oh man, I'm not dealing with this in the way that I would want to, more poised and more. But I think that when I look back on it now I'm more of I can't believe I did that. Like I'm in shock of what I was able to. You afforded the opportunity to actually leave my job and not be homeless. You know what I mean. Like I'm so happy that I have the resources to do this and I will never regret that decision.
Speaker 2:I think it was the best one that I could have made at the time. That decision, I think it was the best one that I could have made at the time and I need to stop being so hard on myself and thinking that I'm a loser because I I couldn't hack it. You know I couldn't hack the grief, but grief is hard for everybody. It's different for everybody. Some people take pauses, some people just throw themselves into the, into the thick of things, and I just couldn't do that. I had to to realize I was out of my depth in that regard.
Speaker 1:Even that step, what you just talked about there's. It's interesting that there's shame, that and I again like I haven't experienced it, but I'm hearing you say it, so I'm going to assume that other people are experiencing this it's interesting that there's shame that comes along with not being able to handle grief quickly. Why should we handle grief quickly?
Speaker 2:Look at corporate America, though. The bereavement days that they give you is three or five Like for a whole mom, like what?
Speaker 1:You know, I've thought about that actually a couple of times. I haven't checked what my corporate policy is. I have my corporate job right Girl. I have thought quite a bit about that and I'm like I'm going to need weeks, months, like I'm not going to be okay to be like, yeah, let me just go back. And you know, I know it lessens like the further away the relative is. I'm close with my grandmother. I'm going to need a minute. Right, at least give me a minute.
Speaker 2:No, I won't. And it was crazy because I eulogized my mom and having to prep for the memorial. I took at least a week off for that. I was like I'm not going to be working during me, trying to eulogize my mom like no freaking way and having to put everything together, get the linens for the tables at the repass, do all this, figure out what we're going to have it, have her cremated, get the urn. It was, it was a lot. It was a huge production. I think it's very similar to producing a wedding. It was really crazy the amount of things that we had to do.
Speaker 1:So this part. I know about this part. I know a little bit about only because my mother still with me. She came to me last year and was like she lives down in Delaware. But she said to me she was like look, she was like she's getting everything set up, she has her will in place, she has all her things, all her ducks, in a row, and she's not ill, she's okay.
Speaker 1:But she said to me she's like I just want to make sure everything is done, all the decisions are made, because you're going to need time to mourn. You don't want to be like oh, let me pick up the casket, and how are we going to pay for this and all this stuff? So she said to me she's like can you just come with me? I already know what funeral parlor I want to be have. You know everything at the viewings and everything. She was like I already know where I want to go with stuff. And she was like I know where I want my plot to be. She was like I would like to take care of all this. Now she's like can you just come with me?
Speaker 2:And it was basically meeting.
Speaker 1:That's why I said to you I'm like my mom has been really on this and making sure because she lost her parents and it was a shock, you know, like they were ill and they were older, but it's still like was a lot to deal with in that moment and and she my, my aunt, she lost her husband. Like having to go through it in the moment is, like you said, like that's really horrible, like you're suffered this loss but now you have to make all these decisions. I went with her to the funeral home. This particular funeral home is part of a network of funeral homes, so you could basically partner with a, basically an event planner and pre-select everything out.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:And you can make monthly payments on it.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:I'm not kidding, and you could purchase insurance to insure your package. So if you pass before you've paid everything off, it is considered 100% paid and I can give you the information. I will email it to you. Yeah, it's considered 100% percent paid and I can give you the information. I will email it to you. Yeah, it's considered a hundred percent paid off and they will handle everything. So we picked out her casket. We picked out she already has her plot. That's already taken care of. All of the decisions have been made already for floral. Every single decision that has to be made when somebody passes. We've already done it, including the pickup of her body, Delaware and bringing it up. No decisions have to be made. Everything is done.
Speaker 2:It's something creepy to talk about such a blessing.
Speaker 1:But I am so happy that she did that and and because she did it I've set it up for my husband and I were done Like if anything should happen if anything should happen. We, I have three little children. So I'm like, if anything should happen, we, I have three little children. So I'm like, if anything should happen to me, it's already taken care of. No one has to worry about anything.
Speaker 2:We're already done Same with my husband. You know, that is incredible. My mom she didn't do anything like that, but she had everything written out and she initially, when she did her last will and testament, she had X'd out about the burial. She said cremate me and then signed her name next to it. She changed her mind at the last minute. I don't know when this was done, but it was in her handwriting and it, you know, was signed by her and I was like, oh my God, mom, god, mom, and she. I mean she had passwords, all kinds of things, that this is my account, information for savings, checking, retirement, all this stuff. So she had everything.
Speaker 2:We didn't have to really do anything. The only thing we had to do was the affidavit of heirship. When someone dies and they have a will, one of the things that you have to do if you don't want to go through probate is submit an affidavit of heirship for the children in the family who are proceeding their parents' death. So we did that. That's the only paperwork we really had to do and we got the proceeds from her estate very quickly because of that estate. Very quickly because of that.
Speaker 1:That's how my mother has set everything up and yeah, I, I came home from doing all that with her. It was a little it's a little bit strange to have to face it, but because we've done it, I know like when, when the time comes, like I can just focus on honoring yeah, and the people who love you.
Speaker 2:If it's you that passes, they can just take the time they need to truly process the loss.
Speaker 1:And you know it's interesting even I know like this is kind of like an offshoot discussion, but people like you said, like we plan for weddings, births, Yep, we pre-plan, we hire people, like we really go to town for all these life events, but for some reason and I think it's because we're all scared to really think about it- yeah. Once the this, nobody really preps. People aren't prepping and, as I mentioned, like there's so the funeral place that my mother is going to and they have this vast network.
Speaker 1:So even if I were to die in another state, no if right, and I was in a different state when I passed and that's where I want to be buried and everything they will just connect me with another funeral parlor closer to me in their network and they will transfer everything over to that Like it's it's all integrated to the point where there will be no problems, Like we can really easily pivot, and that I was shocked when he told me about this. I'm like when did this have? Why isn't this being advertised somewhere?
Speaker 2:but it's because like where is it not?
Speaker 1:it should be talked about. And even you know, you mentioned like your mother had everything written down, including passwords and everything like that. I've actually given that quite a bit of thought on my side because in preparation for my family, I handle all the financials and everything. So, like the deed, the house deed, like the cars, like you know, my husband has to know where all that is. It has to be packaged up because he's not in the day to day with it, so he's not going to really know. And I thought about this and I'm like, oh my God, like I need to not not just keep it organized for myself, but I need to keep it organized to pass it off.
Speaker 2:For him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because and that's really what this is when you think about it if you take a step back and you think about it for yourself and the planning for it, you're not just planning it because of you, you're planning it to help your family and if you think of it from that angle and if you're listening to this it might sound again it sounds a little crazy, but if you're listening to this like, this is important.
Speaker 1:This is a significant life event. We can't avoid this. And I will say this like the payments that the payment plan that you know they set up, it's relatively low, it's like 300. What it's not? That's why I'm like I was kind of mad that I didn't know about it until now, and now I want to tell people that. So I'm like it's a low cost kind of thing. Just throw it in like another bill, start paying. It's like insurance, it is. That's exactly what it is.
Speaker 2:That's exactly what it is. That's exactly what it is, because what a neat program. Because think about the people who are in a situation where they may not be financially like top heavy, where they may not be financially like top heavy and they can slowly pay for Wow.
Speaker 1:Honestly, exactly, and I don't think people realize, like how immensely expensive funeral.
Speaker 1:It can be really expensive and even if you, honestly, like I, was there looking at the options for things and even on the lower end it was very, it was pricey. Like we're talking about $30,000, $20,000, like easily just, and that's for the less expensive packages. So to think about that, that was always the part that used to give me anxiety, because I don't have $30,000 lying around. So, like if someone has, like I'd be kind of stuck, I'd be like, oh no, like what am I supposed to do? So it's a, it's a program that I'm incredibly impressed with and it is something that I do think like we do need to prepare, like we do need to talk more about it and, yeah, almost normalize the discussion a little bit. The same way we're like plan for your child's birth, plan for your weddings plan.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know you have to do it, at least have your ducks in a row, some kind of way, right, right.
Speaker 2:So I'm in some capacity, in some capacity.
Speaker 1:So that's something. So it's a little bit easier and not as complex. Yeah, definitely. So now your, your book is out and I want to put a link here just to show like it's available on Amazon.
Speaker 2:So and Barnes and Noble and book people.
Speaker 1:Amazon, so, and Barnes and Noble and book people, beautiful, wonderful, I'm like. So I'm very happy that you did this because I've had a. I have had quite a few guests come on the show that you know have gone through traumatic events, and it's almost every single woman comes on and tells their story and you're one of the ones that is taking this and everyone across. You're taking what you've gone through and you're sharing it and I think in a way it will. It will help to heal you, to know that other people are drawing from this.
Speaker 1:putting your like personal trauma onto paper and putting it out into the world is doing something for you energetically, and I think you probably feel that I'm not sure if you feel it. Yet you do feel it. I would think that you would, just because I have read so much about what that could do for you in this situation, to help you heal through healing other folks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's. It's been a true delight of mine to be able to speak to so many people on podcasts and just tell my story, because I don't just talk about loss. I talk about, you know, body image issues. I talk about trying to end my life when I was 24. I talk about being in a mental facility. My mom had me committed because I tried to kill myself. So these are things that I don't take lightly, but it felt so cathartic to get it out and in the hopes that I could help someone else. Oh, yay.
Speaker 2:You're so sweet.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, yes me too, and my husband gets really mad at me because he's like enough, but I can't help it. I am really excited to read your book and, without giving too much away the overarching message from your book, what would it be? What is the big picture that you really want someone to take your book and walk away with?
Speaker 2:The overarching theme is just give yourself grace, no matter what it is that you're going through. You have to be easy on yourself, because this life is hard, it is so complex. And dealing with the losses and dealing with just everything I went through in my childhood the bullying, the craziness and all of that made me who I am today. If I hadn't given myself grace at some stage of my life, I would not be where I am today. It's just something that I feel is needed. We're all human in this world and it's something that I feel is needed. We're all human in this world and it's something that I take to heart.
Speaker 2:Just the idea that you don't consider yourself enough, because I went through that my entire life, the most of my 20s, hell, some of my 30s. I was just like why am I here? Oh, my God, I suck, but really I would not be the person I am today without all of those trials, without those tribulations. And just give yourself grace. That's my message, that's it. That's it. I love that because I say that quite a bit, I do.
Speaker 2:You do Okay good.
Speaker 1:I do. I say it all the time because I consistently have found myself in scenarios where I'm like beating myself up and, like you know, really coming down on myself and for various reasons, and it's not necessary. I've gotten much better. Starting at 37 to now. I have gotten much better, but it took 37 years on this planet for me to recycle and be like wait a minute, you're not doing this right.
Speaker 1:You're like beating yourself up. I mean I would. It was very real and I think a lot of women go through that. We don't allow grace and we don't just acknowledge the fact. Like look at, look at what you've done, like it's okay, like you're not going to hit, you're not going to hit it out of the park every single day, every single time. Take it one day at a time. Like it's okay, like you don't have to be, you know, at the tip of the top. Yes, I wholeheartedly agree. So I'm very much looking forward to reading your book. I hope I.
Speaker 1:I did see your website, so I want to bring that up to books by the by Deandra um. I saw that you have your social linked on there. There's a contact area, so I want to pull that up and encourage everyone to visit that website as well, because you'd be able to have a direct access link and you can check out all her other materials. You can read everything about her. So thank you so much for coming on the show today. I really, really appreciate this chat. And, jenny, thank you. I'm thrilled that you're on this journey. I'm actually very excited to see what you do next, because I think that you are doing something next.
Speaker 1:I haven't talked about that, but I have a feeling you are, because I've got a sense here that you are not done and there's going to be a lot more to come.
Speaker 2:I'm very excited about it. Yes, ma'am, you're predicting correctly, ma'am, you are.
Speaker 1:Well, when you're ready, you come back to the show, because I would love you come back and we can talk about what you're doing next, cause I already know.
Speaker 2:I already know. Yes, yes, ma'am, yes, I will definitely be back and thank you so much for the space and thank you for the time. You are awesome.
Speaker 1:Well, listeners, thank you for joining us today. We greatly appreciate you. You can check out the under his links. Um, they'll be in the episode descriptions and they're going to push forward to the podcast as well. So if you only caught some of the discussion today, you can listen to the full recording on YouTube and then through the podcast platform of your choice. Thank you and take care, we'll catch you on the next one.
