Proactive Parenting in a Reactive World

We open up about the awkward but necessary work of setting boundaries with other parents, teachers, and kids’ friends to keep our children safe online and offline. We share proactive scripts, red flags to watch for, and how to hold firm without starting a fight.

• weekend check‑in and why boundaries are top of mind
• different household rules and respectful alignment
• giving teachers permission to share concerns
• how to raise issues with other parents calmly
• red flags around body safety and inappropriate behavior
• online gaming norms, monitoring, and group texts
• simple scripts that reduce conflict and set standards
• teaching kids their own body and voice boundaries
• choosing supervision, limits, or pauses when trust is shaky
• ending with a clear, simple message parents can send today

“Hey, I know our kids are friends—please reach out anytime if you hear something, and I’ll do the same.”

Chapters

• 0:00 Weekend Warm-Up
• 0:26 The Awkward Topic: Boundaries
• 1:36 Respecting Different Household Rules
• 2:40 When Another Child Crosses a Line
• 4:55 Meeting Parents and Setting Expectations
• 5:55 Online Play, Monitoring, and Group Texts
• 6:55 Proactive Scripts That Reduce Conflict

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Podcast. This podcast was created for women by women to elevate women's voices. I hope everybody had a wonderful weekend. Personally, I'm tired, but this is not that abnormal at this point, I think, right? Really, really lovely weekend on the east coast in New Jersey. It was like sun shining, 80-degree weather, which was like kind of shocking, but again, everyone took advantage. I think a lot of people were outside. It was really just a really lovely weekend. Something I want to bring up that's a little bit awkward for a lot of parents out there, but it's something that's top of mind for me today. Setting boundaries with your kids. Now I'm not talking about boundaries at your house, but I'm referring to when you're setting boundaries with other people, other people's children interaction with your kids and with your home and your life, basically. It's a slippery slope. And I say this because, you know, A, every every household is different, right? So rules that we have at our house or the way that we do things at our house is not going to be typical to everybody. Like we do things a certain way here, which is across the board. This is all people, right? So you kind of take that into consideration when you have your kids' friends over or when your kids are going to other people's houses. So that's one. Second thing is, you know, not every parent feels the same way about restrictions and rules and all that. We happen to be pretty strict. A lot of parents aren't. Sometimes it's a challenge, but sometimes it actually just helps to be able to draw that line. And thirdly, you know, what do you do when someone else's child is behaving not appropriately or badly in the larger sense of the term? How are you supposed to handle that? And what's the best way to handle that without offending the other parent? Now, I try to be really proactive and like open the door. I tell my kids' teachers when I meet with them, I always say to them, you tell me what you need so that I can help you do your job better with my child. Because for me, the teacher is with my kid more hours out of the week than I am. And so they're gonna see things and behavior that I'm not gonna get exposed to, especially because they're seeing them on their own, regulating their own feelings and emotions and everything. So it's a whole other bowl of wax. I give the utmost respect to education, educators, because they're dealing with everyone's children and a lot of personalities and a lot of households, and they have to try to find an even path amongst all of them. So there's that element of it. I also will proactively reach out to my kids' friends, parents, which I know not everyone does, but I do it because, well, one, I want to make sure people know I'm watching my kid, and when your kid is here, I'm watching your kid. Like I'm making sure that everybody's okay, everyone's behaving alright, and I want other people to know there is a comfort level. You can come and talk to me. My kid was using bad language. If something happened, if if one of my kids did something inappropriate, if they bullied someone, I want people to know they can come and talk to me and tell me, hey, I noticed this or hey, I saw this because I need to course correct. I cannot have my children acting like that. I know not every parent feels that way, but I feel that way. And thus it opens up a really big door of communication for me because I will proactively tell other parents, please feel free to come to me and I'll do the same for you. That last line there is what's really most important here. Making sure they know if I see something that concerns me, I'm gonna come and talk to you about it. Now, I have had to do it before without the disclaimer. And you know, when it comes to my kids, I will pony up, I will have the conversation, and it might be a little awkward, and perhaps that parent doesn't want to be my friend or or whatever, but you know what? That's fine, better for me, right? So there's those things. Now, in the event that you find yourself in a scenario where your child is being exposed to something from another child that you don't like, or if it's something more serious, like let's say in the case of abuse, now there's signs and there's things that that you should be aware of with other people's kids and everything, and it's important to note and acknowledge, like if you have smaller children and the and honestly any age children, and if there's like sexually inappropriate behavior happening, that's a huge red flag, like out of the gate, and I think everybody knows that. But what constitutes sexually inappropriate behavior now is that to the parents because on one hand, you could have parents saying, Oh, oh, they're just curious. They're curious about each other's bodies, that's why they were you know doing peekaboo or doctor, whatever, whatever. But from another perspective, you could look at it as no, no, no, this is technical this could be constituted as abuse. This is exposing my child to something that like they shouldn't be aware of and they shouldn't have happening to them. What does this mean for them in the long term? Is this gonna give them problems down the line? There's a lot to be thought of in that scenario, and you don't want your children in that. So it's really important, in my opinion, to be mindful up front. I always go and meet people's parents, I very friendly do that. I actually host a lot of parties at my house for my kids' friends so that I can meet parents and let them know who I am and let them see the atmosphere that my children are being raised in because I want them to know they're coming from a good family. We have standards here, we have rules, and I expect that from everybody who comes to my house. Now, most recently, my kids are the twins are eight, my son is nine, and they're all playing online with their friends all the time. Like after they get home from school, homework is done, they get to have tablet time, and they get to play video games with their friends online. Now there's things and conversations that are going to be happening without my ears, right? So what I did was I proactively text messaged all the parents' numbers that I had and said, Hey, I noticed that our kids are playing online a lot, love it, think it's great. I just want you to know I'm listening from my end. If I ever hear anything, I will let you know. And please, vice versa, if you ever hear about my kids doing something, I need you to tell me because I need to correct them. This opened up everybody, except for one. Everyone pretty much replied and said, No problem, like of course. And now I know, you know, the one who didn't reply, they might not be interested in hearing my input, which is perfectly fine. Respect the boundaries. However, it also means though, I'm gonna be really mindful because if you're not really interested in hearing about this stuff, then that might be a red flag for me. That kind of thing. Now, I know it sounds easier when I'm saying it, and yes, it might feel a little bit awkward actually initiating conversations like this, but if you have a child, you have no choice. So practice is makes perfect, and I would say take the proactive route. That is probably the best communication route you could take. That's not gonna be considered um argumentative or confrontational because you're just saying, like, hey, listen, I just want you to know, of course, I'm gonna be watching them, I will let you know if it, you know, anything happens, and please feel free to do the same to me. It's crucial that we're doing this for our kids today because they're being exposed to so many things. Uh and you really don't know everybody's rules and and things that you know even the parents might not realize if the other child is struggling and something's going on. So it's really important to just be aware, pay attention, and make sure that you're seeing and hearing things. The other factor here is making sure your kids know that they can come and talk to you and making sure your kids understand their own boundaries, their own body boundaries, and that kind of thing. It's a lot of work being a parent. This is just one element of millions and millions of things that we have to be concerned with, but it's a pretty crucial one. Protecting your kids in this manner is actually going to protect their mental health later on, and it will prevent things from happening to them that may have happened if you weren't being so vigilant. So I do really encourage all of you to take that proactive step, make sure that people know who you are, make sure your face is present and accounted for as much as possible, even if it's just a text message to say, Hey, I know my k our kids are friends, just want you to know you can always reach out to me if you ever hear anything. Period, that's it. Um, keep it nice and simple. Um, I know this is a little bit of a not topic that I always talk about, but something that was top of mind, so I did want to make sure I mentioned it to all of you. Um, I hope you all are having a great, great day. Thank you so much for being here with me, and I will catch you on the next one. Take care.