You Cannot Do Everything, So Choose What Matters Today

We talk about why “doing it all” breaks us and how to build grace into busy seasons. We then share Nolan’s story, a child with KCNQ2, and the urgent campaign to fund personalized therapy that could change his life.

• myth of having it all and why it harms
• using grace as a daily practice
• setting priorities across family, job, and podcast
• planning hard weeks and asking for help
• Shonda Rhimes’ truth about trade-offs
• Nolan’s diagnosis and what KCNQ2 means
• personalized ASO therapy and quality of life
• why funding is needed and how to support
• sharing the donor link and spreading awareness

Please message me if you know an organization that’d be willing to donate. I’m going to link the donor page in the description—even a small amount helps.

https://give.rarevillage.org/campaign/733811/donate

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome Back And Reset
• 0:27 The Myth Of Doing It All
• 2:40 Shonda Rhimes And Hard Truths
• 4:15 Priorities: Family, Job, Podcast
• 6:20 Communicating Needs At Home
• 8:20 Ebb And Flow Of Focus
• 10:20 Introducing Kara And Nolan
• 12:35 Understanding A Rare Disease

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hello, everybody. This is Still Roses Podcast. This podcast was created for women by women to elevate women's voices. It has been a while. I am so happy to be recording today and having the time to be able to record. It has been a little bit of a struggle, but I want to share a little bit about that. So I'm very happy to be back with all of you and very happy to just be able to be present and with you. And I do have a couple things to share. So I usually always take a break in December just to reset myself. I was going to take all of December, but I do have a really important message that I have to share with you. And that's something I'm going to share at the end of this episode because I do want you to tune in for these upcoming episodes that are going to be airing. I'll share more details about that. Now, one thing I wanted to lean into a little bit more today, and you've heard me say it many, many times, and I'll probably say it all the time, once a week, twice a week. I say it a lot. You didn't hear from me because I was very hectic with other priorities in my life. Now, I've talked quite a bit on previous episodes about the balance of being a woman, being a mother, being a professional. And what does that really mean? I get a lot of compliments from people telling me, wow, like you're such an amazing mom and you're killing it at work. Like, wow, you you're amazing. Like you're doing such a good job. Look at your kids, they're amazing. Like, really, really a lot of accolades. And I do take them because it is a lot of work. And to be perfectly frank, like, we should. Why not take the compliments? If people think you're doing so well, take the compliment. But I do always say, too, well, yeah, I'm like, but it's pretty tough. Now, here's the real key thing here. I always talk about giving yourself some grace. And so this is a real true example of those moments where you do have to give yourself some grace. I'm gonna actually refer to a speech that Shonda Rhymes, the producer of many TV episodes, she's killing it. She produced Gray's Anatomy Scandal. Like, I mean, loads of hits. Like almost every one of my favorite TV shows is from her. She gave it an acceptance, she gave a speech at Dartmouth College in 2014. And in her speech, she highlights the myth of doing it all as a working mother. And she talks about what does that really mean? You know, to have it all. I've said it before, we were never meant to be doing it all or having it all. That was not actually part of the plan. And that wasn't part of the plan with the original feminists that really started to have the movement of we want to have a choice too. There is no doing it all. There just isn't. If you are scaling, and and Shonda actually says this, maybe we should just call her Miss Rhymes because I don't know her like that. But Miss Rhymes actually says this in her speech. If you are doing highly successful in one area of your life, nine times out of ten, it is almost guaranteed that in other areas of your life, you are not successful. You're failing. Now, this doesn't mean like you are a failure. It just means you cannot physically do it all. And I will use my example here with the podcast, with my job, and with my family. The three big things, right? This is the trinity for me. Podcast, job, family. Those are the hot priorities for me at all times. When one needs more attention from me than the other, one of those other things is gonna suffer. It's a guarantee. Now, family first, that's almost a given. However, there are times when they aren't first. And maybe that's an unpopular opinion. And maybe people are gonna say that I'm horrible for saying that out loud. But the reality of it is, sometimes they're not. Sometimes they're last. And it sucks to say it and it hurts to say it, but it is a conscious choice that I make when I have to make it. Now, in those moments where I have to say to my family, I'm so sorry, I cannot get to you today. I promise when things settle down, I will be with you and I'll be present. But for right now, I have to focus on X, Y, and Z. I actually do have those conversations with my family. And I tell them up front, when I know something heavy duty is coming my way, I will have a little meeting with everybody at breakfast or dinner or whatever, when everyone's sitting at the same time and quiet. And I tell them, listen, these three days are gonna be really intense. We're ordering dinner and mommy's not gonna be available. And as long as I forewarn everybody, it seems to go a little bit smoother. The days that don't go smooth are the days that I haven't warned anybody, and I am working my tail off, and I'm trying to also cook and also clean and also do homework with people and also do all the mom things and all the wife things that I normally would do. Those are the days that I fail because trying to do it all is not feasible. It's not possible. Most recently, and I'll give this example, which might shock some of the people that listen that actually know me and my husband. One of the days that I had come out and said, I'm like, look, I'm gonna be really busy. I'm already stressed out, and it's already seven, it's only seven o'clock in the morning. Just you're gonna have to do takeout. Instead of takeout, he cooked. He said, You know what? I got it. Me and the kids will do it. We'll deal with it. Just do what you need to do. Because he did that, I got to stop what he needed to do at 10:30 instead of midnight, which was huge. Now, I sound like I'm in good spirits talking about this, right? Because I love my job and I love the podcast and I love my family. So it's finding that see-saw moment of, okay, I'm doing really, really well here. I might have failed a little bit here, but then I can pick this back up and come over here. Now, there's times where I lean in more to my family and I pull, draw a little bit back at work, but that's also well-timed to when I know it's not so busy. It's an ebb and flow. So this is just a reminder of you're not meant to do it all. Stop trying to do it all and find some way to be able to say, you know what, this, this, and this are not a priority today. I'm not gonna even worry about them until tomorrow. That's tomorrow's problem. And move on with your life. Do not beat yourself up. There's no reason for it. And to be perfectly honest with you, um, it's not helping anybody, it's just making you upset. And then it actually makes you frustrated and pissed off. So just don't do it. Just don't do it. Um, if you want to look up Shonda's speech, excuse me, Miss Rhymes' speech, Shonda Rhymes, it was a 2014 Dartmouth College commencement speech. I just saw it recently, which is why it popped up for me that I want to talk to you guys about it. Check it out. The speech itself is very good. Now, the other reason why I'm recording today and not taking a full December break like I usually do to real retool on the podcast, is because I do have a special episode that's coming out Tuesday of this week. I am going to be recording an episode with my friend Kara Bolter. Now, Cara and I have been, we've known each other for a couple of years now, and it was almost not by chance, but it felt like one of those electric moments that the universe put me and her into this conversation for a reason kind of thing. The conversation was around, she has two sons, and the my son is friends with her oldest, and she has a younger son. Now, her youngest younger son's friend, her younger, the younger son's friend, excuse me, the younger son's name, good grief, is Nolan. Now, Nor Nolan was born with a rare, severe neurolog neurological disorder. There is no treatment and there is no cure, but there is some help and some hope. Um I'm gonna read a little bit from her website so you can have a little bit of delay of the land. Nolan Bolter was born on February 3rd, 2018, blue and seizing. He was rushed to level six NICU, where he fought for every breath. At just 17 days old, he was diagnosed with KCN Q2, developmental and epileptic encephalopathy. She was told there was no hope. This is a rare disease. So it affects, I think it's like one in a million people. I mean, it's incredibly rare. I don't want to misquote like a statistic there, but it is an incredibly rare disease. So she was told there was no hope. And I did some very light research, and from what I had seen, it's like a 50-50 chance that your child will live past two. And in those two years that they're alive, they're having seizures and they're nonverbal, and they're really just the quality of life is very poor. So this kind of a diagnosis, this kind of a diagnosis is life-changing, life-altering. There's there's no way to go around this except to fight through it. And that's what Kara's coming on to talk about. Her son is still alive. He is saying born in 2018, so he is about six or seven years old now, which is astounding for this disease that he has lived for this long. And I sincerely believe that he's lived this long because of the fight that Kara has in her, which I think Nolan picks up on in some way and is fighting too. You will hear me cry in the episode as well. So just bear with me, because this is such a it's one of those things that as a parent, when you hear it, even if it's someone else's child, is completely devastating. It's heartwrenching. So I put a pause on my little hiatus here. I'd like Kara to come on and share her story. So the first, it's gonna be a set. It's two episodes, I believe. We might do three depending on how much we talk about. But the first episode, she will tell her story. So she is gonna share with you all what she went through, when she found out, when he got the diagnosis, and what what her fight has been like since then. Now, I've talked to Kara a bunch of times about the disease itself, and we've talked about it through a few things, but I've never actually heard the story before from beginning to end from when he was born. It's amazing, Kara's spirit. She's uh the finest example. She's the finest example of a mother fighting for her child. And I hope that in doing an episode with her, that one, it'll raise an awareness about this disease. And two, we are also looking for support. And I do say we here because I am helping Kara develop a campaign to obtain donor sponsorship. Kara's son, they're working with a nonprofit organization called NLorum. They've been working with them for many years, five years. And after a lot of scientific challenges, they've developed personalized ASO therapy for Nolan. Now, the disease is uncurable, but there is a therapy that could help him gain some quality of life. And that is what Kara is trying to do. She's trying to give her son some kind of a shot at life. Now, he will always need care for, but at least we can give him something more than what he currently has. The cost of this treatment for him to basically save his life is$300,000. So she is, she had, she has tried larger organizations. She has tried to, you know, pitch the idea and pitch the treatment. But because it's such a rare niche, there is not a market for this. It's profitable. And so um she's turning to private donation at this point. The and Lorem, the nonprofit, they don't charge anything to Kara and her family. She's been working with them diligently. Hospital fees associated with the treatment itself is what they need support to cover. Um, and I think I misquoted here treatment administration are not covered and are projected to start at 300,000 for the initial year. That's just for the initial year. So we are trying to hit that mark plus to be able to help Nolan gain some quality of life and to truly save him. Now, she's gonna talk more about the incident of life and the precarious situation that he's currently in, but it is my understanding that every day with him, every breath is a miracle because he wouldn't have made it this far without her and without her husband and without their family support. So it's truly like a race against time to get him this important treatment so that he can live. I'm going to link in the episode direction, the description below, the link to the donor page. So you can read through the information, even if it's just a small amount to donate, anything is gonna be helpful. You will hear more of her story again on Tuesday, as I mentioned, and then there will be a follow-up episode that does give more detail around the science and around the actual process of what it is to get him the treatment. Like we'll dive into the details there. So episode one with her is gonna be really sharing more of her personal story and her personal challenge battle with this. So I do hope you tune in this week because I think these episodes are gonna be really impactful. And again, if you can't support, even if you forward the link, I'm gonna be promoting this pretty heavily on my social media channels as well to try to garner some more support for her. So again, you can check them out there. Please message me directly if you know an organization that'd be willing to donate. I can put you right in contact with Kara, or you can just check out the website. The contact information is there. This is all on the up and up. This is not one of those ridiculous scams that you see about online that everyone throws in a million dollars and then somebody runs away with it. This will truly change this family's life. We could save this child. So, with that, I hope you will be with me this week. I thank you all for being with me this whole time. And I do hope that you all are enjoying the uh winter holidays. Tune in again and thank you so much for being here with me today. And I will catch you on the next one. Take care.