I Am Learning To Parent My Son Without Losing Myself

A five-minute wait for macaroni shouldn’t feel like a crisis, yet sometimes that’s exactly what ADHD parenting looks like. We’re sharing a raw, honest check-in from a weekend that tested our patience, our nerves, and our ability to stay regulated while our 10-year-old spiraled and then snapped back like nothing happened.

We walk through what it takes to advocate for real support, from requesting an IEP (Individualized Education Program) to staying on top of the school system so our child doesn’t drown in mainstream expectations and lose confidence. We also talk about the medical side of getting answers, including neurologist visits, broader testing, and why we chose to add dyslexia screening. If you’re in the middle of an ADHD evaluation, trying to understand behavior outbursts, or wondering whether it’s your parenting, you’ll recognize the emotional whiplash and the second-guessing.

We also share a practical pattern we’ve noticed at home: when the food schedule slips, the meltdowns get bigger. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s one of the few levers that can make the day feel more predictable. Most of all, we make the case for honesty. So many moms stay quiet because they feel ashamed, but isolation makes everything heavier. Talking to other parents, neighbors, and friends can turn survival mode into something closer to community.

If this resonates, listen, share it with a parent who needs to feel less alone, and subscribe so you don’t miss what we learn next. After you finish, leave a review and tell us what actually helps in your house when emotions spike.

Transcript

Why This Weekend Hit Hard

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Hello, everybody. This is Phil Rosen's podcast. This podcast was created for women by women to elevate women's voices. I hope everybody had a really, really wonderful weekend. Mine was a little bit tough. I don't know if you can hear it in my voice, but it was definitely um a test of my will, my nerves, sanity. Um so I had alluded or mentioned in one of my prior episodes that we are getting getting my son evaluated for ADHD. Now I already know he has something and something in there for ADHD. And he has started exhibiting just behaviors really early on that I just knew he I knew he wasn't, he wasn't to his age level with how he was handling school work. So I pretty aggressively attacked this with the school system. Now our school system was very supportive, and I was very pleased with how they handled my case with him. But I also stayed on top of them pretty aggressively. So I had requested for him to get an IEP and get it evaluated. And IEP is really just getting into the special education classes because I didn't want him to continue to struggle in mainstream and then lose confidence in how he was handling school in comparison to his peers. I immediately had the twins, my my daughters also put in for IEPs in the special education class because I didn't see the same amount of struggle with both of them, but I did see some struggle. Now, I struggled when I was a child and um the school I went to, I I guess I didn't struggle enough that uh they felt that it was necessary for me to get extra help. I will say, much like me as an adult, me as a child just found ways to get by, which is a little bit funny to say because I think it was like eight or nine-year-old Jenny struggling with her Mac homework because I sincerely just didn't get it. And uh I remember uh the one and only time I asked for homework help, it was it ended up in like being screamed at. So I just decided that in there, like I can just figure these things out. I will just make it work. But I didn't want my kids to go through that because that followed me all the way to high school, all the way to college, not as much now because you know I'm older and again, I have these coping mechanisms to be able to deal with stuff that I don't understand or if things are moving too quickly for me, neither here nor there. So working with my little guy to get him evaluated. Now, this means like a few things. I had to go to the neurologist with him a few times for various tests, and then from there, I also paid additional for them to test for dyslexia, just kind of the full gamut, because I just really want to know and be prepared with exactly what he has going on so that I can help him and better understand him and even help myself as a parent. Now, unfortunately, yes, all these things are happening, but while it's happening, my boy is growing. And he just recently turned 10. And as we crept closer and closer to his 10th birthday, the behavior and outbursts just became really intense, which was kind of shocking because for a very brief period of time, it felt like he was getting better and we had reached almost like a peak, and you know, maybe things were going to even out from there. It was like a glimpse of what could be if he could get his emotional regulation under control. And then it just nosedived. One of my neighbors is going through the same exact thing, except her boy is a couple years younger, and she told me that the ages from 10 to 12 are typically the hardest for boys with ADHD. That's when it's really gonna peak and struggle. And oh my God, can I tell you it really is. Now, number one, I do want to say, I'm very pleased to say this, and I want to say it to you guys too, because I want to encourage this now. Normally, moms are not gonna share when they're struggling with their kids because nobody wants to be feeling like ashamed that they can't handle their kids or they're they're struggling with parenting them and they don't know what's going on. I openly chat about this, as you can tell. And I do it for the sake of one, like my sanity, because if I don't talk about it, I'll probably go insane. Um, but two, you know, the more you talk to people about struggles that you might you're going through, the more likely it is that you might actually get help from neighbors and other mothers and friends and friends of friends, because you're not the only one who's going through this. We're all going through something. And the more that we become open and honest with what we're going through, the more of a chance we have at a community that's going to help each other versus pretending like everything is fine. So, with all that being said, it has been very difficult recently. And there's like immediate high highs and then immediate lows within like 20 minutes of each other. And it gets to a point where you feel just totally, completely drained, like just like I like there's nothing left to give. The sick part is he doesn't really fully understand that what he's doing is emotionally disruptive to myself and my husband. He's a child, right? I don't expect him to understand that. I don't expect him to manage my emotions, but he doesn't understand that five minutes after he's completely melted down and we've been trying to control or help or help him navigate the situation, he bounces right back and then wants to give hugs and is totally happy about, you know, life as it stands. While my husband and I are completely mentally exhausted. So this weekend was quite literally just one massive blow up after another, followed by happiness, followed by another blowup, followed by happiness, followed by another blowup. And it just becomes exhausting. Now, like some of the stuff that I do to try to help mitigate the blowups is I try to make sure I'm maintaining a consistent food schedule for my kids. Um, that sounds kind of odd, and I honestly don't even know the science behind it. I assume it's just my son, but I'm gonna share it just in case it might help someone else. I have to make sure that he has eaten 8 a.m., 12 p.m., and 5 p.m. Um, the reason for this is if I don't and we start to creep past five o'clock, past 12 o'clock, and it starts to go towards the afternoon and we start to get off schedule with our food, that is when he melts down the hardest. And melting down, I don't mean like he has a tantrum. I don't mean he's throwing himself on the floor and kicking and screaming. He doesn't do anything like that. We spank in this house, and I can assure you that that would have warranted his spanking. It's nothing like that because he is older, but um it's interesting. I'll explain this last one that just really pushed me over the edge because I'm just tired at this point. But I was cooking dinner and quite literally it was just macaroni and cheese because I I had enough and it was gonna take eight minutes, right, to cook. That wasn't fast enough because again, I was multitasking trying to cook food and this and that. And so he comes in and he demands, like, where's dinner? What's going on? Why is it taking so long? And I'm like, Oh, buddy, it's just five minutes, it's cooking, it's really quick. But in that five-minute window, he just started to unravel, and I was watching it real time, but there was just nothing I could do because it literally just needed five minutes to cook. And he went from he's like, Well, he's like, Oh my god, and he went over to the pantry and he was rumbling around trying to find something to eat. And then he um he's like he grabs the box of he looks for he was looking for Cheetos and he's like, Where are they? I thought you said you bought them, and and I pointed to a box of guys cheese doodles, and they weren't Cheetos, they were cheese doodles, and he friggin' just really like, Why do you buy knockoff food? Which I don't actually well sometimes I do because why the hell not? But anyway, he was like, Why are you buying the knockoff food? That's the knockoff brand. I said I wanted Cheetos because he wanted the Cheetos with the Chester Cheetah, that that brand, which I didn't really know that, but it it really set him off. And then he just started really just unraveling from there. And I'm I was at a point because I had witnessed so many of those meltdowns this weekend that I just stared at him while he unraveled, let him unravel, and then I just handed him his plate of food as soon as it was ready, and that was it. And he ate his macaroni and cheese and his corn. And he I waited a few minutes. I said, Are you feeling better now? And he said yes. And I explained to him, I took some time to talk with him and explained to him that when he behaves the way that he does, it really hurts me and it hurts his father. And he feels bad. He told me he feels bad about it, and he said he he just can't help himself sometimes, which I do believe because I don't think he intentionally, maliciously does anything. And that was it for him, and he was fine after that. Went on with his day, went on with his evening while I while I was in the kitchen struggling, trying to keep it together for the rest of the night. So it's just a matter of like, I guess, just getting through it at this point. Have a I don't actually have an answer to any of this, by the way. I'm just sharing this because I'm imagining that there's probably other people out there that have sons or daughters, and you're just like, I don't understand why are you behaving this way? And you know, is it me? Is it somehow how I'm parenting? This because my kids are all so close in age and I can see how the other two are developing. I know it's not because of how we're parenting, and I know it's specific to how his brain is functioning, and thus I try my hardest to give him as much support as I can. But it's just been one of those weekends where I just feel completely and utterly drained as a person. So not like a super uplifting episode for Monday morning. I apologize, but this is the reality of the situation that I'm dealing with. Now, I will say this I am very eager and very excited to get those neurologist results because my plan here is to go from the neurologist's office to whatever kind of like therapy or conceptual therapy that they decide that they think would be helpful for him. What I'm my goal here is to get him the tools that he needs so that he can live his life without struggling as much as I did with school. I want him to socially start to learn cues and learn things that are not going to be offensive to people because he hasn't really done anything quite terrible yet where it's lost friends, but he's definitely had struggles with maintaining friendships. And I just want to make sure that I'm there for him and giving him all the tools that he needs, even if it means emotionally I'm a wreck. I have faith that it will get better. So that's my quick and dirty episode for Monday. Um, again, not uplifting, but you know, I just wanted to share it because I do feel like there's many of us struggling out there, and you don't have to do it in silence. There's no need for that. And you should be talking with people, you should be asking for help, you should find someone that you can confide in and just talk with about this because it's hard. Being a mother is hard, and it's just the toughest and also most amazing thing I've ever done in my entire life, sincerely. Like I could not speak of a bigger accomplishment than raising human beings. Not that it's an accomplishment. Oh, it's coming out wrong, but I think you all understand what I'm saying. It's an amazing thing to do and an amazing responsibility to have. So again, I hope you all had a good weekend. Obviously, mine was kind of tough. I'm in the blues, but I will bounce back as I usually do. I do appreciate all of you being here with me. Hopefully, Wednesday's episode is more uplifting. But until then, thank you again so much, and I'll catch you on the next one. Take care.